"you too can utilize your ring doorbell camera to reunite lost dogs with their owners, missing children with their parents, and enemies of the state with the authorities!"

"you too can utilize your ring doorbell camera to reunite lost dogs with their owners, missing children with their parents, and enemies of the state with the authorities!"

So uh Ring just up and said they've got a huge centralized private surveillance network they can leverage all at once huh

60 years ago today, mild-mannered jim bowl was bitten by a radioactive spider

how did epstein even have time to do all the pedophile stuff, sending TWO emails is like a full day activity for me and yet he apparently had regular correspondence with a significant percentage of the total population of earth

how did epstein even have time to do all the pedophile stuff, sending TWO emails is like a full day activity for me and yet he apparently had regular correspondence with a significant percentage of the total population of earth

remember everyone, the WaPo is now "principled and unbiased", just like it was during the entire existence of the 3rd reich

The Washington Post-truth

just in case the racist chuds finding out all their favorite MAGA twitter accounts are run out of bangladesh and nigeria wasn't embarrassing enough, now it comes to light that their hero secret police agents executing libs in the street are named jesus and raymundo

young republicans love writing newspaper articles called like “What Liberty Remains On These Shores For Thee?” and it’s about how women over 5’4” should be executed

Thinking about whoever said that by accepting a meal from people and then arresting them ICE agents broke a cultural taboo that was invented by, like, the first humans to set up a tent

just in case the racist chuds finding out all their favorite MAGA twitter accounts are run out of bangladesh and nigeria wasn't embarrassing enough, now it comes to light that their hero secret police agents executing libs in the street are named jesus and raymundo

From: Jeffrey Epstein To: Cain From The Bible Date: March 7th, 3000BC Subject: Re: Thinking of killing my brother? 👀👀 go for it it wouljld be extremlry sexy to invenf thr cornvept of murder snd yherefore curse mankind fur eternkity ;) ;)

i'm losing it

i'm losing it

how i imagined elite pedophiles communicate: "hey man, what kind of *pizza* are we ordering tonight?" how elite pedophiles actually communicate: "heyman, wana han out and do. pedophilee stuf toni ght .?"

Think Mr. Mittens has walked across the keyboard again? Well put on your reading glasses and take a closer look 🔍 You may have received a communique from one of the world’s most illustrious pedophiles

how i imagined elite pedophiles communicate: "hey man, what kind of *pizza* are we ordering tonight?" how elite pedophiles actually communicate: "heyman, wana han out and do. pedophilee stuf toni ght .?"

all the people i originally followed because they made stupid little shitposts that made me laugh posting increasingly biting political commentary on state sanctioned executions

The axis of corruption and evil has so many names that did so much wrong in it that I genuinely forgot the guy they replaced the SS officer cosplayer with is the guy who accepted the $50k bribe

The immigrant shredder we built as a bipartisan exercise in good governance is unfortunately voice-activated, specifically the voice of anyone saying “don’t shred immigrants.” If non-immigrants don’t want to be shredded, they should avoid making the shredder feel bad. I won’t vote to turn it off btw

What a stupid terrifying time to be alive

do you think they could stretch the “suspenseful elevation” noise in a movie trailer throughout the entire thing and never have it dramatically lead to anything

all the people i originally followed because they made stupid little shitposts that made me laugh posting increasingly biting political commentary on state sanctioned executions

[mildly inconvenienced kristi noem to her noem dog] i just can't do this noemore, *bang*

People are feeling less and less faith in our politicians because politics is just talking, and we can only say so much about the secret police murdering us in the street before the talking stops and the doing begins

"whose fault are these murders?"

"whose fault are these murders?"

sighing with relief as the masked man with a gun identifies himself as a carjacker and not ICE

Greg Bovino sadly filling one steamer trunk after another with elaborate fashy overcoats, the teargas canisters he always has bouncing around on him like labubus, and dozens of "chest-belts." They will be shipped ahead of him as he prepares to return to his home, which is a men's size 10 boot.

BREAKING: Sir Gregory Bongos, lead star in the hit animal show "Monkeys On ICE", has been retired, per sources

"im not the head of the gestapo! im not the head of the gestapo!!", greg bovino continues to insist as he slowly shrinks and transforms into a jackboot

Wouldn’t have made it out of the VEEP writers room

"im not the head of the gestapo! im not the head of the gestapo!!", greg bovino continues to insist as he slowly shrinks and transforms into a jackboot

People are feeling less and less faith in our politicians because politics is just talking, and we can only say so much about the secret police murdering us in the street before the talking stops and the doing begins

Mainlining the horrors in your feed is unhealthy, but so is being executed by the Gestapo It's hard, I know, but it's critical that we stay informed, and make efforts to keep our apathetic and apolitical friends informed Sound the alarm in the group chats, make sure they know this is not normal

Every day there’s a new post that’s like “ the community of guys that have a big latex suit attached to a vacuum that makes them immobile in a sexual way have come out against ICE”

Alex Pretti’s last words were “are you ok?” said the woman next to him who ICE also pepper sprayed in the face.

Mainlining the horrors in your feed is unhealthy, but so is being executed by the Gestapo It's hard, I know, but it's critical that we stay informed, and make efforts to keep our apathetic and apolitical friends informed Sound the alarm in the group chats, make sure they know this is not normal

Shutting the government down because the president’s thug army keeps murdering American citizens for no reason seems pretty reasonable, IMO!

Immigration, Customs, and Executions

The delicate balance between staying informed and loosing your goddamned mind

I can't put into words the feeling of watching our government, a hive of evil antisocial filth, the absolute worst humanity has to offer, colliding with the best. Ordinary people trying to help each other, risking everything to stand up for what's plainly, unambiguously fair and right. It's unreal

they've murdered Good, they've murdered Pretti, next in line is Hope, then Faith, Courage, and Love

The Americans freaking out the most right now are the ones who never freaked out before and that’s really freaking me out.

What's happening in Minnesota is one reason the Reconstruction Amendments banned insurrectionists from holding office. Unfortunately, the originalists on the Supreme Court interpreted the plain language of the amendment to mean its opposite.

because they kick fuckin ass next question

actually i will vote to increase the budget of the secret police, but i will solemnly shake my head while i do, so you can rest assured in knowing i really don't like it, hashtag voteblue hashtag blue wave

An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune

more alike than different