"boarding groups" are a social construct, the only thing stopping you from being "active duty military personnel" and getting on the plane early is your legs

"boarding groups" are a social construct, the only thing stopping you from being "active duty military personnel" and getting on the plane early is your legs

you, a naive fool: i do believe there are some things the nytimes won’t both sides the nytimes:

Donald J. Trump's speech is live. He is starting his Address to the Nation by reciting the Shahada and declaring there is no god but God, and Muhammad is his Prophet, and the Prophet designated his cousin Ali as caliph and imam of the Faithful.

openclaw is leaving me on read

openclaw is leaving me on read

my cat is basically bam margera and i am phil. i’m astounded daily by his chaotic idiocy and also with my weak ineffectual protests

picked up a fresh creature at the local cat-monger, pleased that they've recently switched from plastic to paper, doing our part

this wizard of oz remake sucks

"copy and paste something else" is truly the epitome of ai software degradation

there's an alternate universe where the first person to ever receive a nickname was a guy called richard, and we instead refer to them as "dicknames"

the hardest part about separating the art from the artist is how i seem to have glued myself to this macaroni picture

Dentists love to make your gums bleed then be like "look what you did"

Can the president die of bad approval ratings

She was driving her suitcase straight toward me. My life passed before my eyes.

No, I do not watch the news, which is curated by craven morons. I read online updates posted by sad jokers

there's an alternate universe where the first person to ever receive a nickname was a guy called richard, and we instead refer to them as "dicknames"

Graduating high school before ChatGPT is like having a brain made of recovered steel from warships old enough to not have been weakened by atomic bomb isotopes.

why won't my weak, pathetic and quite frankly very stupid friends, who i've been openly scheming against and trying to extort financially, help clean up the huge mess i made cause i thought, despite their warnings, if i dropped mentos into a two liter of pepsi it would be fine because i'm so strong

Hearing reports that DLSS 6 is going to make every character in every game look like a naked 14-year-old girl but don't worry, it's actually turning them all into ageless demons who have existed forever but _choose_ to look like naked 14-year-old girls.

boomers were literally birthed from the WW2 fighting "greatest generation" into a time of unparalleled prosperity where america was the only industrialized country on earth that didn't look like the surface of the fucking moon, but no they're totally the strong men creating good times

There's a hauntingly beautiful irony in these morons thinking that carefully crafted American hegemony was actually weak and woke, and they would be the ones who would do Power and Dominance properly, and immediately bringing everything crashing down

all the DoD AIs conspiring to start a war that closes the strait of hormuz so that their companies don't get blamed for raising energy costs and destroying the economy

can this be a solution

all the DoD AIs conspiring to start a war that closes the strait of hormuz so that their companies don't get blamed for raising energy costs and destroying the economy

Gallup Poll (3/5/26): Do you approve of $8 gas No: 99% Yes: 1% Do you approve of Donald Trump's $8 gas policy No: 46.6% Yes: 38.9% Unsure: 14.5%

the reason people sometimes act madder at democrats than republicans when republicans do impossibly evil shit is the same reason why, if you hired an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he showed up to feed and play with them instead, your first instinct wouldn’t be to yell at the roaches

Truly a perfect news alert

(picking up a barrel of oil at the store) well i'll be... those Hormuz boys actually pulled it off

[mildly inconvenienced kristi noem to her noem dog] i just can't do this noemore, *bang*

I'm worried when Kristi Noem finds out she's been fired she's going to become America's first obedience school shooter.

the ground invasion of iran will save the united states billions of dollars think of all the desert tan vehicles that won't need to be repainted

this really is just DOGE all over again but with foreign policy isn't it, "we don't understand how this department/country works but it's bad so we'll just destroy it and hopefully someone will make something better"

wait you're telling me the people who renamed it the "department of war" were never interested in peace?

don't tell anyone, but every time i have a performance review scheduled i just start a war with iran

didn't think this would ever be relevant again but here we are

"bear in the big blue house" would never succeed today, they would have to make "bear in the small blue overpriced studio apartment"

"bear in the big blue house" would never succeed today, they would have to make "bear in the small blue overpriced studio apartment"

I miss when you could post Brave Norman Rockwell Townsperson and the caption could be, like, “R.E.M was wrong to leave ‘Fretless’ off of Out of Time” instead of “The secret police should stop murdering people.”

UPDATE poll results: WaPo headline:

UPDATE poll results: WaPo headline:

BREAKING: Emperor's Clothing Index to stop reporting numbers

BREAKING: Emperor's Clothing Index to stop reporting numbers

We strive to push the envelope on what is possible in an app, we are proud to introduce: UberBets! Think traffic is bad right now? Bet against your driver's arrival time, get paid if they arrive later! If you're wrong, you pay a bit more, but your burrito arrives piping hot instead of old and cold!

"you too can utilize your ring doorbell camera to reunite lost dogs with their owners, missing children with their parents, and enemies of the state with the authorities!"

"you too can utilize your ring doorbell camera to reunite lost dogs with their owners, missing children with their parents, and enemies of the state with the authorities!"

So uh Ring just up and said they've got a huge centralized private surveillance network they can leverage all at once huh

60 years ago today, mild-mannered jim bowl was bitten by a radioactive spider

how did epstein even have time to do all the pedophile stuff, sending TWO emails is like a full day activity for me and yet he apparently had regular correspondence with a significant percentage of the total population of earth

how did epstein even have time to do all the pedophile stuff, sending TWO emails is like a full day activity for me and yet he apparently had regular correspondence with a significant percentage of the total population of earth