i must unfortunately report that i am not based in india, bangladesh, nigeria, or canada, but, much to my and everyone else's disappointment, am indeed an american

big bugs bunny getting elmer fudd to marry him vibes in the white house currently i see

to those of you who originally followed me for "haha funny" and not "haha funny (these are actually extremely serious political matters)", i apologize, but trying to be silly about this stuff is the only method i have to cope

to those of you who originally followed me for "haha funny" and not "haha funny (these are actually extremely serious political matters)", i apologize, but trying to be silly about this stuff is the only method i have to cope

Would like to address the rumours going around about me. They are categorically not true. In fact, I have actually had a few extra ribs added to ensure that sort of thing could never happen, even accidentally.

feeling bad for monica lewinsky right now, that's pretty much like kissing donald trump on the mouth

feeling bad for monica lewinsky right now, that's pretty much like kissing donald trump on the mouth

john fetterman, slowly becoming more and more conservative with each brain injury, until he's so incoherent that he easily wins the nomination in the republican 2028 presidential primary

this was supposed to be a joke i'm so tired

who cares if trump knew jeffrey epstein was a predator, frequently hung out with him at his house, sometimes alongside his victims, and ultimately only broke up with him because jeffy stole one of HIS young girls from mar-a-lago, come back when you have any PROOF that he did anything wrong!!!

"Teenage Women Under 18: Children, or Something Else?" - WaPo Headline

who cares if trump knew jeffrey epstein was a predator, frequently hung out with him at his house, sometimes alongside his victims, and ultimately only broke up with him because jeffy stole one of HIS young girls from mar-a-lago, come back when you have any PROOF that he did anything wrong!!!

voting with the republicans in the senate while holding my nose (so people know i really don't like it)

clarence thomas is rolling in his grave (he's still alive, he just needs to sleep in a grave to maintain his life force)

clarence thomas is rolling in his grave (he's still alive, he just needs to sleep in a grave to maintain his life force)

have you turned in the assignment? it goes on brightspace. it's just a flipboard. it's like padlet for video. don't forget to do the kahoot. there's also a blooket. we're running a gimkit. chime in on vevox! submit it on bongo. log onto bongo. dive into bongo. you can bongo it. bongo has it for you.

poll results: donald trump voted worst president of all time WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"

i have to say i don't really get this whole newfangled 67 sex position

RFK Jr nervously side eyeing the scythe wielding shadowy apparition that only he seems to notice for the entire press event, and sighing in relief when the guy next to him falls down

poll results: donald trump voted worst president of all time WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"

It takes 10,000 hours to master something, but it only takes a song to have a working knowledge of the Hokey Pokey

fortunately for us, we can rely on the mainstream media to make mamdani's positions more palatable to the public at large, just like they sane washed trump for the last decade, right? right??

fortunately for us, we can rely on the mainstream media to make mamdani's positions more palatable to the public at large, just like they sane washed trump for the last decade, right? right??

who the hell set the interest rates on this garbage to 0%, i invested 1 hour like 6 months ago and i only get 1 hour back?? i'm using daylight high-yield savings time next spring, this shit is a scam

has anyone ever considered that maybe those ancient egyptian mummies just happened to all die on halloween

a modern remake of the ring would never work because nobody under the age of 40 answers their phone if you're a mysterious entity trying to communicate some sort of portent of death, just text me

I COME TO YOU ON THIS HALLOWS' EVE TO SPEAK MY TRUTH: candy corn is actually kinda good

"well, why shouldn't i have a piece of candy? there's a whole bowl of it, and i paid for it after all" - me every 15 minutes tonight

buying extra halloween candy on purpose is basically like tax fraud for your diet "no no, of course this is a justifiable write off... it's for the kids..."

THOROUGHLY read the contract when you donate to a blood bank, if they expertly dot their i’s but prove to be incapable of crossing their t’s, you may be dealing with a vampire

couples halloween costume idea: i dress up like me, you dress up like you, and then we have sex (this is part of the costume)

vampire doordash driver because being buzzed into your apartment building counts as being invited in

the government tries to seed clouds and nobody bats an eye i try to seed clouds and the flight attendant yells at me to stay seated and keep my pants on

the government tries to seed clouds and nobody bats an eye i try to seed clouds and the flight attendant yells at me to stay seated and keep my pants on

i can't believe halloween falls on friday the 13th this year, that's crazy

i can't believe halloween falls on friday the 13th this year, that's crazy

BREAKING: zohran mamdani reportedly overheard saying "don't worry, it's all good" when, in fact, a multitude of things are *not* good

their entire thing is being controlled by someone else "master of puppets" is literally just a regular guy's job

"what do we want?" "to avoid answering consecutive questions." "when do we want it?"

i can't imagine they were like "we gotta try something, let's throw Nice Greg in the volcano", it was probably more "let's throw Asshole Bernard in the volcano" which admittedly did improve things

"copy and paste something else" is truly the epitome of ai software degradation

i can't imagine they were like "we gotta try something, let's throw Nice Greg in the volcano", it was probably more "let's throw Asshole Bernard in the volcano" which admittedly did improve things

god really freaked it on that 1st plague. a bloody reeking nile, no fish to eat, no water to drink. but then he hit the sophomore slump. frogs? yeah frogs. they'll get into stuff, jump on you, go on your bed. it'll be super annoying for the egyptians. he's lucky they even gave him a 3rd plague tbh.

I left my cat unsupervised for one afternoon and she trained the dogs to carry her around on a palanquin

[in the writer's meeting for this season of america] no that's too on the nose, they'll accuse us of being lazy and hamfisted

Disappearing into the bog for some much-needed bog time, returning after a month with a new healthy glow and a strange, faraway look in my eyes like a wild hare

[in the writer's meeting for this season of america] no that's too on the nose, they'll accuse us of being lazy and hamfisted

[mildly inconvenienced kristi noem to her noem dog] i just can't do this noemore, *bang*

[mildly inconvenienced kristi noem to her noem dog] i just can't do this noemore, *bang*

shitler is that anything