I forgot to tune in to the Prez, don't really care what he has to say

This is economics, how I understand it

This is economics, how I understand it

Diane, 11:30 am, February 24th. I'm entering Twin Peaks.

This floating skull muttering curses won't leave my room. It also won't play Sonic Racing CrossWorlds with me. Says it prefers Mario Kart World. Trying to swat at it with a broom

I hope no one's big fat heart explodes after hearing the news about the tariffs

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents are over at my house. My paperwork was in order but they're concerned with the amount of "japanination" I have. We're watching Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day and when someone does something non-american I lose another civil right

According to Casey DeSantis, if you eat more than 9 3/5 pieces of twizzlers, you are at your maximum arsenic annual consumption, whatever that means

Growing up, I always heard that the I Love Lucy episode where she's working at the candy factory was the "funniest episode of TV". She was terrible at her job and probably cost her employer a fortune. What's so funny about that?

Sending Nintendo Co Ltd a cease and desist for stealing my gimmick

Me: Grok, how are you today? Grok: (six rainforests later) Fine

Happy Valentine's Day to Princess Peach and Princess Daisy

Ok cool quit bragging

I feel pretty aloof about it right now, but I think I'm going to have some really big regrets on my death bed if I don't experience the at home magic of HD DVDs

I saw some chickens on TV last night and I thought without hesitation "I wish I was a chicken"

I just saw the star of the local production of "Dracula" at the blood bank... Seems pretty suspicious

Chuck Schumer is trying as hard as he can to fold to the Republicans demands but he hasn't quite figured them out yet

How I spent my super bowl Sunday 🏈

and the results for the super bowl are... professor mustard did it in the library with a candlestick???

Starting my day like anyone should, with the 2007 classic "Alvin and the Chipmunks" with a strong promise of watching the squeakel after

If you're on fire, start thinking about foods you like and you'll start drooling a lot. That will put the fire out!

Another great moment in flash

I can't believe that Adobe is shutting down Animate (flash) to focus on AI. Our fascist tech overlords will do anything to destroy the endless potential of Online Flash Cartoons

The wretched groundhog rat has again cursed us with a further six more weeks of winter. He is never happy and brings only misery

Wondering if it was Stephen Miller who had to come up with the protocol for when the president poopies

Hello, this is Elon Musk, am I speaking to world famous pedophile Jeffrey Epstein? Yes, ok good. What day will the wildest party be happening on Pedophile Island, and will there be room for my bulky Alienware PC in the overhead compartment on the helicopter?

Dracula is cool but I think I'd be too scared to be his friend and even if we were friends he'd probably have an ulterier motive

Sometimes my phone screen gets really bright by itself for no reason. I think that's its way of telling me it loves me

Greg Bovino shed a tear as he handed over his WWE replica championship belt with the spray painted words ICE LEADER written across the front. His moment in the sun was truly over

Greg Bovino is getting unceremoniously crammed into the overhead compartment of the economy section of a Boeing 737 Max and being sent out like a viking at sea

I always wondered why they called it "Mr" Coffee until I got one and saw it's penis

With Donkey Kong Country Returns HD (and it's recently released update with Dixie Kong), as well as Donkey Kong Bananza and its DLC, there's never been a better time to be a Donkey Kong fan. Terrible time for everything else, though

The next dead pool movie should have invader Zim and gir in it

Accidentally dropped my caramel apple on a giant ant hill and watched in horror as they drug it inside. Didn't even ask if I was done with it

They should make a teacup ride where the cups are filled to the brim with tea and the ride doesn't stop until you drink it all

It's ok to hate me for being American. I'm used to being hated, even though I'm really cool and have a good collection of video games and DVDs

Yoshifumi Kondō died 28 years ago today, worked to death by Takahata and Miyazaki. If you're working today, make sure to slack off twice as hard in his honor

He forgot his vape

Next step: get their guns silencers! That way they won't be too loud

The bank is threatening to foreclose on my lunch and I'd better pay up or they're going to repossess my stomach

I guess they're just done releasing the Epstein files. Probably nothing interesting in there. Should probably focus our government on doing war crimes and killing it's own population

Staying on brand as I Game

Anime Girls wont u come out tonight come out tonight come out tonight. Anime Girls, wont u come out tonight & dance by the light of the moon

Hey, Fred! That's not the elephant's trunk!

Me while I watch ICE drop an atom bomb on a US city: if they would have had more training this could have been deescalated

Scott Adams has ascended from the physical constraints of his body and is now, in essence, pure orgasm

Can't close Scott Adam's coffin because he had a clause in his will that stipulated he be buried in one of those curl up dilbert ties but no one made sure to get a coffin deep enough to accommodate

Dr. Jordan B. Peterson is recovering in his private home in Florida and doing better than ever. He eats a bowl of mold in the morning, at noon and at night. Then he takes a relaxing dip in a black mold lagoon

Eating ice cream to put out my heart burn but it's not working for some reason?

It's 2075, the boomers still haven't died. Boomer nostalgia continues its stranglehold on pop culture and I'm being sent to the re-education center because I still don't care about the Rolling Stones