[Smooth by Santana ft. Rob Thomas voice] My muñequita, my Homer Marge Bart Maggie Lisa

She is playing hide and seek with Travis

oh no toilet + hakeem's real reaction www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bZ2...

there’s a lot of reasons Congress needs age limits, but a big one is so that guys like this don’t spend their last days on earth being piloted like a Gundam by a bunch of Neera Tanden wannabe staffers

Had a convo with my wife this morning about how she keeps an eye on the transit app and tries to leave at the last possible minute for the bus, running if she has to. It’s a visceral need to use the manufactured urgency as an adrenaline source. Get your rocks off some other way imo

"I get no respect, no respect I tell ya! They got a soup called Marry Me Soup, but after they put me in it they call it We Should Just Be Friends Soup!"

Hopefully this instability is just them adding the ability to do polls. I just want to ask my treasured followers if they think my bus driver left the bus to use the bathroom in order to poop or to pee

@goodboy.bsky.social en la matriz, el efectivo es el Rey….

I’ve been trying to sprinkle in some isometrics for strength training lately and Skinner saying “Isometric exercise!” never leaves my head

Maybe JD can do something good for once in his life and give ol DJT the “Pope Francis Handshake”

astronauts sometimes describe a transcendent feeling of connection with all human beings when viewing the earth from space, an effect previously only achievable by taking a little edible and grilling hot dogs in the sunshine

We should hold the trials in Minnesota and in 50 years people will say “we should hold Wayzata Trials 2.0 for this admin”

Sermons in Minneapolis in 2025: so I heard a podcast that got me thinking, Sermons in Minneapolis in 2026: demons are real guys and they’re right over there and we are going to delight in humiliating them

Every soup recipe needs two cups less of liquid so it can be dummy thiccccc

Re: Means Testing. When City College of New York was wondering about charging tuition to cover costs in the 70s they found it would cost more in admin and red tape then not charging but were told to do it anyway to teach students a lesson about responsibility

The old world is dying. The new world struggles to be born. Things are pretty busy at the world hospital

April Fools is a busted ass holiday when you have a news cycle where “Director Level Nazi’s husband just taught you the word Bimbofication.” is a c rank story on a Tuesday.

Tiger Woods can only achieve arousal by totaling a car while getting pleasured by a chain restaurant waitress, so everyone making fun of him rn is actually kink shaming him

Can we get 10,000 RTs for this

First one not my OC

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

Is that good

Robert Moulder

Made some zuppa toscana but to accommodate a house member who doesn’t like the texture of chopped potato in their soup I blended up the potatoes instead to give it a thick creaminess

I believe that we could Morbius the Metaverse (make the people in charge of it believe that it’s going viral and try to capitalize on it only so we can embarrass them again)

At least Nero could play a dang fiddle!

Live look at CENTCOM strategy:

I’m rubber, you’re glue, beeyotch!

I come back to this article about once every six months when I need a sensible chuckle clickhole.com/we-let-ed-sh...

I made this to express my feelings

i’ve been posting a lot less lately because most stuff i want to say can only be said inside my home to the person who can invoke spousal privilege if asked to testify about what i said 🥰

While many of you are likely yelling, “GO USA!” or “GO ISRAEL!” I’m yelling “GO CHOLESTEROL BUILDUP IN DONALD TRUMP’S LEFT ANTERIOR DESCENDING ARTERY!”

It is thus declared:

Might have to invoke the sacred words of our ancestor Young King Dave on a day like this

It happened again

happy 14th anniversary to all who observe

(7:00AM on urban construction site) FOREMAN: ok everyone, light day today. get a cup of coffee and let's take it easy until about 9:30 GUY FIRING UP ANGLE GRINDER: no sir. i have a sacred duty to perform

This is less expensive than I thought. It can typically take more than $80k to build a public toilet

I know that you are exhausted and weary from everything you do every day, and so many people depend on you, but have you considered this: you’re not doing enough and you should feel bad about it

definitely seems like you're safer from any kind of punishment for being in the Epstein Files than for, say, just to pick two examples totally at random, attending a college protest for Gaza or tweeting that you weren't very sad Charlie Kirk died

the president posting like a wide receiver who's about to hit free agency

liberal walking into the car dealership: i want the second shittiest car you have. i will buy it for literally any price

Sweatpants are a crepuscular clothing in that they are commonly worn during the dawn and twilight of our lives

I feel like someone in MN should design like a POW-MIA flag for all the neighbors abducted or had to hide themselves & we should fly that underneath the state flag for long, long time. Symbolic, yes. Also we need visual reminders to keep a lot of focused on the long road of work yet ahead.