can we finally admit that taylor swift was never good

"We're going to create superintelligence" How about making outlook search work first. How about that

This has always been the long game. Fuck shit up beyond belief and then bail out the places you need to build up good will with voters and act like you saved them from the previous administration

A pattern is developing where everyone who fights back against a Trump attack inevitably wins with their reputation much better than before, and everyone who caves to him looks like shit and has Trump coming back for more a month later.

Dems figuring out how to beat this is not as hard as most of the political class says it is

They’re going to play the SEPTA race between innings of the Phillies/Dodgers game and Ohtani is going to lose $3 million each night betting on the animated trains

if you're within shouting distance of the field and you're not yelling live bet odds at ohtani all night, you are not a real fan and should probably go to jail

Ohtani never plays well in Philly because of our well-documented home field advantage (giant casino right next to the ballpark)

McVay is the anti-Sirianni. Brilliant tactician, scared of his own shadow.

some people told dave chappelle his jokes weren’t funny and this ego maniac has been having a meltdown over it for ten years

Man, the Niners are obsessed with killing their QBs, huh?

The fuckers who ruined chili, and like... waving my hand at Pete Rose and Marge Schott.

Meanwhile at the Riyadh comedy festival

Buck and Aikman have elevated MNF and I don't think they get credit for how good they are because there's still a Joe Buck thing that unfairly lingers out there in a lot of people's minds.

Hate that call in the Bengals Broncos game. That's not interference and it ruins a really fun play.

Reid never pussyfooted in his life. He didn't pussyfoot phone calls. And you know he remained a strong operator to the end. I've never figured out what the hell he thought he was doing leaving it to Schumer and Durbin.

I wonder if Chuck Schumer hesitated for even an instant as he ran from the White House to announce this, to wonder if “The president didn’t even know about any of the bad stuff in his bill!” is almost certainly a lie, and also, more importantly, a message that actually helps the president.

Basically every member of the McVay tree spends the week calling beautiful passing concepts and destroying their opponent's coverage and then making high-leverage decisions like they were possessed by Vince Tobin.

Hey NBC why don’t you quit beating around the bush and just have sex with jerry jones

Tells you everything

Jerry Jones looks awful

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Mets

Mets were 54-41 when this happened, and 29-38 after.

the 2025 Mets

Lol fuck the Mets forever

🤔

Tom Brady is absolutely insufferable and is completely incapable of being an impartial broadcaster.

I guess this play being hard to officiate isn't worth a mention, Dean?

Refs in Tampa gotta be stopped, man

Tom Brady has a catering gig after the game

go birds

No one outside the U.S. is confused and no one here would be confused if they saw this happening in another country.

It’s so funny that Penn State exists. “What if a bronze medal was a university”

How was that not targeting?

There's some alternate reality where Donald Trump is some wacky ex-reality show host using his influence and lifelong love of golf to fix the US Ryder Cup team

US continues to embarrass itself in the Ryder Cup. Legitimately insane that they keep losing the same way every time. They should stop paying these guys to play (I'm aware most of them donate it). Give me 12 guys playing for pride and you'll do better than whatever this is.

Players hating Russ is legitimately funny

It's a shame that Rickie Collins is unplayable because this Syracuse team was looking kind of feisty

Bonesaw breaking down during divorce proceedings: “But…Bonesaw’s NOT ready!”

The Phillies broadcast crew look like a set of shower curtains in these outfits

Like?????

Imagine how fun this would be if some of these teams tied for first were actually in danger of missing the playoffs

We're Walker and Walkeeerrrrrrr

A very big Onion announcement: The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece. It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile. It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd. Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.

Forget everything you already know about America's most notorious dead person. Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile is in select theaters October 2.