For obvious reasons I'm no longer a person with thoughts

You can tell that LotR was written by an academic because Gandalf disappears for like 20 years doing research to answer a single question.

You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check

i like oxford, commas, and endless debate

I’ve realized that I’m only capable of being five things to women -Like a brother -second ex-husband -spellcheck -source of knowledge about the short history of the baconator -guy who’s got their nose.

uh oh , i accidentally committed a social faux pas that i was unaware of ! time to die

oh, you hate yourself? too bad. im loving you anyway.

fuck golden birthdays, I'm almost at the age I lied about being on the internet when I was a teenager

it's the way you look , the way you talk about things , the way you are

*me leaning against my cybertruck seductively outside a wawas, long drag on my cigarette* Yeah, I suppose you could call me an NPC in this clusterfuck of a country

i spilled my guts *late gossipy samurai*

turns out i was just dysphoric . i shaved and im all better now

dont fear the frog

oh yeah? well can ai do THIS?! (have anxiety)

how can it be pride month already? i wasn't even finished with lust and sloth yet

I sent you my empty spond, please re-spond

nice of my anxiety to drop by so often to check on me

I make up for my suboptimal height with my irresistible charm (awkward, anxious stuttering)

yall mind if i bite off less than i can chew

aw diddums , are you sad that your soul is being crushed by the existential weight of the struggle for survival against an arbitrary system designed to diminish you and make you feel lesser ? are your feefees hurt ? would u like a tissue ?

gonna die my hair (get a haircut)

i don’t want to see your nudes i want you to solve the riemann hypothesis

happy gay june. or as i like to call it, "Goon." why are you laughing like that

Happy Pride Month #cat #pride #pridemonth 🏳‍🌈

doing a wheelie to achieve ego death on cycledelics

no terfs at pride , obviously . none of us are free till all of us are free

shoutout to benjamin hope ur having a good day

telling people online that I'm cooler irl and telling people irl that I'm cooler online

So people are now saying there's water on the moon. That's lunar sea.

i think giving a shit is really cool and sexy

I just think I was born at the wrong time, ya know? I would have thrived in the Jurassic. Set up a little vape shop, offer recycling for disposables, refurb and resell them. They had brains the size of walnuts, they'd never know. Get a nice house in the suburbs, two car garage, pool. Easy.

it gets better but only because we make it better

my partners dont cheat on me , they cheat off me . theyre only with me for my test scores

i have so much love for the world and for all of u <33

good morning , i hope everyone is doing ok today . i am full of anxiety and existential terror but ill chill out as the day goes on 🤙

it can be better , i can be better , i just need to love more and open my heart to those who'll have it

if youd just give me a chance to explain why im a monster im sure you would understand

I'd love to follow you back, but unfortunately you use words like "fuckt*rd," and I should not have to explain to you why that is wrong. Please read because I do not fucking play with this one.

aw jeez what would a guy whos good at posting say

It freaks me out that some of you have kids and jobs.

a morning after pill, but for that really stupid thing you said yesterday in front of everyone

why computer job make me so tired

fuck golden birthdays, I'm almost at the age I lied about being on the internet when I was a teenager

fuck nudes, do you want to build legos together?

"do I look okay" and she's a literal goddess

I haven’t made any starter packs yet, but I can reskeet 100 accounts in 50 seconds or less so I am fond of you all and utterly mentally stable as well

I reskeet myself because I believe in y’all’s capacity to get the joke eventually

sorry i cant do anything on saturday. i worked all week. sorry i cant do anything on sunday. im about to work all week

you don’t understand, if i give up coffee you’ll die

can we talk about the importance of visibly trans older people? like yes tell the kids they can make it to adulthood, having trans role models literally saved me as a kid