they should invent a weed that wakes you up

Oh no, the night thoughts

i don’t have to do or say anything interesting. that is my god-given right

im worm blooded

ready for summer ⛱️☀️

i have never cared to look into what mormonism is all about. but i have watched battlestar galactica about 10 times. so imagine my surprise when i finally start reading about the Mormon Lore at 8am on a monday and it's just the plot to my second favorite tv show

rough beasts in YOUR area slouching towards you to be born!!!!

hunter biden do u fw tboys

clown hospital

it's my boy's boyday

In lieu of self-improvement I've decided to just be a huge terrible nuisance about everything forever

the world is often cruel when you're a disgusting little creature that wants to be loved

woke up from a nap just in time to see a beautiful man wearing nothing but black bike shorts jog past my window. i am religious now

there are so many fledgling starlings screaming in the yard this week, i am so happy

rock bottom? yeah i sure hope he does

crowdsourcing my next homunculus, if you could lend a hand

hungry for the hog

and what am i supposed to clean my phone screen with? im just expected to have so much money that i own special moist towelettes for my magical thinking sand?? no, i am licking the rock like nature intended

*desperate to get kidnapped voice* vectorial hemisphericity?? wow sounds interesting ha ha :)

you should be relentlessly chased by predators every time you leave your house

ive been febrile and they put me on steroids again, time to conquer the world

i want evil sex with bad people

does anyone wanna gut me like a fish

nothing like waking up from a fevered sleep as a fresh new rock

this weather makes me mad that clothes are mandatory outdoors

I hate it when people talk to me, and I also hate it when people don’t talk to me, but here’s what I like: Complaining

why did i open this cursed webbed site today

ive never backed a kickstarter so fast

it's raining if you wanna go roll around in the mud like worms together later

posthumorous

oh to be a cat in a rosebush lazily watching the birds get fed

slow drip coffee, right from the ballsack

my agoraphobic cat seems to be toying with the idea of just being a bully-king to regain his domain of the Entire House. microdosing power

Next Top Beetle

quick reminder

sick of typing out an entire sentence correctly but autocorrect assumes i wanted nonsense words. gonna start writing on paper and sending people photos instead

My best craft advice is "Put a giant worm in it." You can never go wrong with a giant worm. Sci-fi: Giant worm on an alien planet Fantasy: Giant worm in mountain sitting on a pile of gold Horror: Giant worm (eats people) Romance: Giant worm causes third-act breakup Mystery: Giant worm investigates

waiter.......my soup.....

eepy peeper

worst day for my lungs to decide to go on strike

the jingler got me

in an hour these slugs will be smoochin and boy will they be embarrassed

Hey man sorry to hear from you

people will call you silly if you establish boundaries. and by people i mean. cowboys*

as someone who loves men, women, and apophatic meditation practices, i'm actually quite in favor of bisexual erasure

one major problem with the way we deal with mail in this country is that it's too dry. it doesn't have to be dry, lifeless paper. it could be wet. we could have wet mail. wet mailboxes, wet envelopes with wet contents