imagine not being able to use your imagination. wrong

Well, folks, I’m logging off my shift at the Staying Informed Factory.

I am mad about all of the things

I've spent a lot of time tonight big-noting Australia. But I love this country!

monogamy—like cisness—isn't regressive, just default

The advantage of this seems to be that the government will make it easy to vote. We get two weeks of "voting under special circumstances" in prepoll, then the election is a Saturday, plus we have embassy voting for citizens who are travelling. They can't fine you if they make it difficult to vote.

Crap, the boyfriend is home. All of you, under the bed!

Can you like your own skeets?

hey guys i made a seasonal meme

Trying creme de menthe with Pepsi. Mint Pepsi is NOT a million dollar idea

Now I'll lighten up a bit. So...how are the ashes going?

STRAIGHT PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE TO PAY A COVER TO MAKE OUT AT THE GAY BAR LIKE AN EXTRA COVER LIKE FIFTY BUCKS INTO SOMEONE'S TRANSITION GOFUNDME

For those who don't realise, many parts of Australia are trying to use the local indigenous name of places as well as the English one. Eg. Naarm is Melbourne. It's not like calling Uluru by its proper name (instead of Ayers Rock) but it is an emerging thing.

I need to win the lotto so I can commission someone to make my graphic novel. My drawing is too shitty to do it myself

I'm actually drinking creme de menthe. That's how desperate I am

Ok, I've used more water than some countries get in a week on AI. Time to stop.

For a guy with anxiety, I worry that if I get drunk and start talking I'll say or do something that hurts someone, which I'll spiral about But I take heart in the fact that drunk me mostly just wants people to know how much they mean to me.

I tried AI on the Simpsons meme and it couldn't do it, so I asked it to draw the Simpsons...

Going to test some other memes to see if I can describe them better

What I wanted vs what I got

Trying to figure out if there’s a direct link between narcissism and social media 💭

You can open all the doors but sometimes a ghost just won't leave.

Seriously considering wearing an engagement ring I inherited even though I'm not engaged because it's so pretty.

Of course I'm a "reply guy". If you want to write and have no interaction or reply, get a fucking diary, weirdo.

I hate dieting. I'm so hungry! Where's the chocolate?

"Sure dry-humping is great and all, but have you ever tried wet humping?" - Me trying to never get invited to social gatherings ever again

Reporters would like just one weekend.

Did you know if you rub olive oil and salt on your sore back it will suddenly feel greasier and saltier?

AUKUS = U-SUKA

My special skill is repeating puns I saw on Instagram with extra bits

I can feel the novel I'm writing terraforming my personality.

if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“

I may be mid-forties but I have the body of a thirty year old. To be fair, I'd have the body of a twenty-five year old but my freezer isn't big enough for both.

Had people say to me it's a waste to own physical media multiple times now, they'll all be in a landfill eventually. I sincerely hope everyone saying pirates eveything cause I can't imagine the hellscape of only relying on currently streaming shows or only playing old games with current re-releases

Mitochondria being the powerhouse of the cell is cool and all but I think classes like "How to calm the fuck down as an adult in a healthy non self-destructive way 101" is something that should also be taught before graduation

I am so sick of this shit.

When you can let it go. That.

I have a very odd headache in one specific point of my head.

if by people skills you mean avoiding them then yes, i have people skills

*claims the microplastics inside me as dependents*

Happy international men's day! I hope you enjoy it

I'm here if you need me, and even if you don't

Who called it lube and not Oil of A Lay?

I love the Suramar guards who go "an illusion! What are you hiding?" while you're at a masked ball where everyone's wearing illusions for their costumes. My guy... It's literally the theme of the party

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for I wear the Hoka Clifton 8 with scientifically advanced arch support. Hoka turns burning brimstone into a comfort zone. Click here for 10% off." --If modern Instagram influencers wrote the Bible.

Things are happening faster than I can embroider them

No one has yet built a cage that can hold me, mostly because it's unnecessary I never go anywhere

I made a thing.