i come on here and say stupid stuff bc everything is stupid including me

so what if I unplugged your life support to charge my phone AITA

like sand through the hour glass, so are the days of bluesky

I’d follow you back, but you’re not naked enough.

I ponder the words of a great poet laureate that once said " Your ass is a spaceship I want to ride"

Buttholefly kisses

Sorry I'm late Was hoovering my fridge

#morningsky 👻

See you on the other side bitches * Crosses the road carefully *

Skeet so good it got 17 views

I wanna go back to the time I was the roller disco king

So the Argyle ash won the tree of the year 2025... A very deserving win Go tree Go tree Go tree

Your aura speaks volumes you damn DAMN hot thing you

Jerry from the block never got the acknowledgement he deserved

Just fax me

You must have missed my post the first time it went around

you're telling me these sausages are made out of vegans

When she says she vibing

A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs": Step 1 Step 6 Step 8, 9, 10, 11.

If you're just waking up, I've had a little sneaky peak through Tuesday and it's a bit meh...

Dating me would be easier if I didn't give you side effects

Buckle up buttercup...

Hey... Go fuck yourself I did, it was ace

I'd rather have a break, than some head * True story *

For every action there's a erection Or something like that

I've just found out my government are planning on sending me back to Twitter... I'll miss you all so much

I'm cool until I walk into a cobweb

I just woke up and fuck me I can not wait to go to bed tonight

What god damn day is it ?

What people think my bruises are from: Sex or the gym. What they are actually from: Running into shit.

Approximately 37% of men on dating apps look like serial killers.

Here for the disappointment Don't disappoint

Hey... Don't be so hard on yourself numbnuts

If you're cute and you make me laugh... There's a catch

ExSkEeTs Me?!!

I find you all very, VERY, attractive

There's civil unrest..... In my pants

Imagine getting upset over stupid jokes on the internet.

Good morning inglorious bastards.

Turns out it's 11 times a month, not 11 times a day... Sorry little man

Trust me when I say, trust no one

I'm just here for the nitty gritty

Ate a peach, thought of you.

I'll always have your mom as a back up plan baby

Department of your dad.

People in the gym look like they don't want to be there Oh wait, that's my reflection in a mirror

Follow your dreams means go back to bed right?

I'm gonna give this Friday a test drive for ya

if it makes you feel any better, i roll my eyes when i see my posts as well