Taylor Swift is the Hillary Clinton of music

such a beautiful thought thank you

this is it. not just for comedy. but for all of it.

I, a University Administrator, am very much interested in signing a vague agreement with someone who has persistently operated in bad faith, breaks agreements, and has dictatorial fantasies. #Satire

At the risk of hyperbole these really may be the most horrible people to ever live.

They’re kicking Black men out of the military over beards. Three out of five Black servicemen have pseudofolliculitis barbae which is a painful skin condition caused by shaving. This is blatant discrimination.

Just gonna keep tapping the sign* *𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘐𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦

When we get out of all of this we'll have to rank the most embarrassing promotions of 2020's. Hegeseth and Weiss will be up there.

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor

You don't want a sandwich to be too dry but you also don't want it to be too wet. Aristotle called this "the golden mean"

“There’s artificial intelligence, and there’s actual intelligence.”

the people who are destroying all public goods and trying to kill you would like you to blame someone else, perhaps some Other whose immigration status you can deduce at a glance by putting on your racism glasses, who you can have sent to a concentration camp on the basis of your suspicion

before and after hegseth's directive

Excited to introduce Vibes from Meta. Eat your slop, piggies!

The president just gathered the highest ranking officers in the military to tell them that he may order them to kill American citizens -- and that they better follow his orders. All in response to a series of crises that have no basis in reality. I don't know how to yell any louder.

The moment where Hegseth ends his speech and not a single officer claps is the most hopeful thing I have seen in a long time.

Can't imagine why they didn't give him thunderous applause.

i hope so much good happens in the world that we will have forgotten why this joke was hilarious - but this one is razor cold! @bencollins.bsky.social thank you

Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals

these clips from the secretary’s speech have the same energy as a 9 year old boy who decided to start a secret club and is explaining to his friends why they should all call themselves “the vipers” from now on

Charles Xavier: My school helps mutants control their powers. This is Cyclops, he was my first student and he is totally incapable of controlling his powers. This is Jean Grey, she started with Scott. She also cannot control her powers. And meet Rogue, yep you guessed it, can't control her powers

"don't you wish you could go to Walmart.... in two thousand and two???" what. do you have encephalitis

Exactly, the Dems' "condescension problem" is almost entirely a creation of right-wing media.

It’s both depressing and darkly hilarious how Lawfare posting has gone from “we got him on an Article 33, Clause 8, Subsection Alpha infraction, baby cannon time!” to *slams whisky bottle down* “the law is fake and I challenge John Roberts to a fistfight at the Walmart parking lot.”

ICE is one of the most well funded military force on the planet, entirely used internally on it’s own citizens, and completely loyal to a far right fascist dictator. if democratic politicians are not on board with abolishing ICE, they must be replaced

Stephen Miller is a school shooter who took control of a country instead

The Tiktok sale could do for the general public (it is much more popular than Twitter ever was) what the Twitter acquisition did for elite pundits and journalists, trapping them in a billionaire-controlled alternate reality

what the actual fuck? Like they are all so deep swimming in their coolaid no one on their coms team is like “this is lame?”

"Democracy dies if prominent black writers don't frame their arguments around appeasing white voters in Wisconsin," or "Democracy dies unless liberal writers praise radical, hateful conservative activists" is the subtext. And it's worth thinking through who makes these kinds of arguments and why.

Instead of the next judicial education session, all the judges watch this tiktok instead.

Portland declares ICE facility out of compliance, demands its clearance. www.portland.gov/mayor/keith-...

separate from everything, the idea that 2020 was a squeaker but 2024 represents a historical mandate will simply be the death of me

It is really funny that Jimmy Kimmel Live showed more moral fortitude and adherence to a system of values than Columbia University

Again, this is what I mean when I say the Constitution is broken Which of the institutions it establishes, exactly, ISN'T broken?? Which is acting to maintain the constitutional order?

Trump is ordering the military to use “full force” against an American city, while the Supreme Court declares him the Sun King and Congress hides under a pile of coats. The checks and balances only work when the institutions aren’t run by utter cowards and the complicit

Axelrod (and the like) need to be really asking themselves "is that why we're here?" If you agree this is a terrible moment for democracy, do you really draw the line from a bunch of 18 year olds shouting down Bret Stephens?

LOL. The only good fake starbucks name is spartacus, otherwise you a fellow human to say something because of your issues. this cult is so focused on thinking they've found loop wholes to being decent people. HoNoRING FrEE SpeEcH by MakInG YOu SAy THiS!?!?!?

"this is your job?" is a favorite

Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.

THEY CAN PRY MY LAZY SUSAN FROM MY COLD ETC ETC

They are totally illegal and unconstitutional, they are terrible policy and people hate them.

yes prices are soon going to rise again but as a consolation, ur paycheck will stay the same, so as not to confuse you

The Trump regime is adept at leveraging actual long-simmering policy issues in decades-long morass in congress, "Doing Something" that kinda super fucks it all up in a totally new way, then basking in opponents insisting everything was fine before – which voters know it wasn't. Sick hack though...

straight poetic fire

The white supremacist conceit that everyone in antiquity was living under some kind of global jim crow segregation is just complete bullshit news.harvard.edu/gazette/stor...

Really interesting tidbits in this latest NYT focus group