Treating a one-point lead like a sprawling chasm of security is really funny. Pack it in boys, we're up by a whole entire point against the team that keeps surmounting gigantic leads of one or even two points because it has the best player ever. What are they gonna do, score once or even twice

Do you think Messi sometimes wonders why the other guys can’t just kick the ball good too

Proper football.

Law firm commercial talking about how you're taking a big risk by getting in an Uber or Lyft. Congrats, everyone, we're all driving drunk again.

Go invent some corny space freaks about it you soft serve head ass

I never got into Pokémon. Palworld is ruining my life.

Brad brought up my actual artist here. It's Isbell. I should like him. I have tried. He is a nothing burger for me. A fine human being, which all that matters in the end.

Springsteen

This is it, for me. Spain never played a negative match. Just put them French dudes in their pocket and psychologically broke them. No hyperbole, one of the best international soccer performances I have ever seen.

People have their preconceptions about what Spain are all about that seemingly render them incapable of talking about what they just saw, which was a world class *defensive* performance, perhaps the best we’ve ever seen from Spain *without* the ball.

🚨🇪🇸 Pedro Porro with his MOTM Award. 🤗

France getting OLE'd, lol

France were unsurpassed at not trailing once during the entire tournament until the semifinal. Then they got insanely surpassed

I'M SO HAPPY FOR PEDRO PORRO

PEEEEEEDDDDDRRRRROOOOOOO

he took entirely the wrong lesson here but this is a very important and true observation

There's just no way that jumping in front of a defender who's already in the process of attempting to clear a ball should be called a foul. Horseshit.

Motherfucker not even trying for the ball, just diving in front of the defender's clearance kick.

That rule has to change.

Nah, screw that.

any time taco bell comes up thousands of people go "ummmm how do you eat taco bell? don't you hate getting DIARRHEA?" my response is this happens to you because your soul needs to be saved. it does not happen to people who god's light shines down upon. also eat more fiber.

GEORGE: Well you'll never guess who I just ran into. Number Ten Paraguay. And I say hi to him and he gives me (gesturing) one of these. JERRY: He gave you the cover his mouth? GEORGE: OH HE COVER HIS MOUTH JERRY

Passed a nondescript food trailer driving downtown. No name, no artwork, painted bright green, with only "Ask me about my eggrolls" on the side. I would like nothing more.

No.

You sell whatever was left of your soul, betray whatever was left of your principles, defend sexual predators, kiss ass, post humiliating tweets about golf, lose all your friends, become an international joke, and when you die the guy you did it for is like "we'll get someone else in there no prob"

If I receive a text from Dr. Annie Andrews expressing condolences for Graham while also asking me for money I will give myself the explosive diarrhea.

"These guys come up to me—big guys, with huge loads in their pants—and they're shitting, and they tell me, 'Help us, sir, please. You've got help us. We've got to let it all out for Lindsey.' And we're going to do it, we're looking into it, and we're going to be shitting like you wouldn't believe."

Trump barely finished announcing plans for the memorial for Lindsey Graham before talking about how amazed his doctors are because he never has diarrhea. In fact, he may be the only person to have never had diarrhea.

speaking of people hilariously hurled into the air, Russian forces yoink a .50 cal Gatling gun off a helicopter to try to use it for anti-drone use

Funniest possible breaking news banner on this amazing headline from a few months ago

*turning to my s/o* Change of plans, I have to post all day

I audibly chortled.

This is such a shame. And by “this” I mean they didn’t pull the curtain around him and shoot him on the spot.

Conor McGregor

france-spain: the perfect game of football, the best players playing at their absolute best and giving us a beautiful spectacle the likes of which only these two teams can produce argentina-england: hell in a cell

VAR is increasingly dumb & ruining far more games than it’s fixing. But you just can’t do this if you’re already on a yellow.

Big takeaway from today’s World Cup matches is that VAR is a fucking abomination that must be eliminated immediately except for the multiple times where it ensured justice was done and made the games better.

Embolo dove the diviest dive of all time, not seeing the problem here

ABSOLUTE CHIMNEYS!

I don’t think this ends well . . .

"Recently had a vasectomy" #AEWCollision

Bringing one of the best tweets of all time over to Bluesky in honour of the Three Lions QF victory

Okay so. 973 AD. There was a small monastery on an island off the coast of England.

longing for a Hot Brezhnev Summer

Jesus christ, can you imagine

Watching SGDQ. My brain has never been compatible with Tetris and watching two god tier people race gives me seizures.

Does the top 20 contain the whole SEC I am genuinely asking, I do not know how many teams are in the Cocks conference anymore