This is exceptional reporting, and chock full of details about reporters being cozy with Epstein. One, Wolff, is currently front and center whining away and trying to take down Trump and the other, Thomas, seems to be in hiding

me: don’t you dare scoot your butt on the carpet my dog: &

the sandwich guy walking away from the court house and suddenly, his limp disappears

Someone be cutting onions around here

Everyone can set aside partisanship, psychologizing, pathologizing, whatever, and—I would hope—still see that it’s incredibly dangerous for a political leader to be this disconnected from the real conditions in the country.

A quick story on the very important reason we went to Paris. www.itjustgetsstranger.com/a-photo-shoo...

Never stop calling the administration fascists. Never stop calling ICE fascists. Never stop calling cops fascists. Do it more. Do it louder.

🚨🚨🚨 I'm going to post this video every day so we never forget what the 34x POS convicted felon & adjudicated rapist & pedophile Trump did 🚨🚨🚨

I’m gonna post this every day so nobody forgets exactly who Pedophile Trump is and why the Epstein files have suddenly disappeared.

[being murdered in the car] murderer: *murdering* me: *pointing at my correctly worn safety belt like what the heck*

you just know that when a pineapple shows up, all the regular day to day fruits are like “what’s this guy’s problem”

i’m not seeing here in the constitution where it says every single day must be insane

me: no one believes me when i say there's a secret race of horse-people therapist: try to ignore the naysayers me: the fucking who

the boy who cried wolf would be a way cooler story if actual wolves came out of his eyes

chief: you're suspended, turn in your things detective: *hands over gun & badge* chief: …and? detective: (reluctant) *hands over mustache*

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey? guard: [looking away] fine wife: did something happen? guard: [tearing up] no wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

a single look at any social media today would kill a person from 2024

[one minute after being buried in coffin] me: well this is actually kind of relax- [loud bass coming from the coffin next door]

imagine it’s a Tuesday evening and you’re at the main grocery store on the Death Star and, upon entering the produce section, you spot Darth Vader by the bananas and he’s wearing Birkenstocks

Executioner: any last words? Me: pineapple belongs on pizza. Hit the switch

Cassocks are red Conclaves are dope Wake up babe we got a

“Pope Leo XIV” felt right, but “Daddy Pontifex” was narrowly rejected.

Kissing the ring is optional, but buying me a drink is not.

The MLA Pope still refuses to number footnotes. We do not speak.

My homily today: God loves you, but stop being weird in my DMs.

“Worst she can say is no.” Bro, she said I look like someone tried to draw President Taft from memory.

mourning the tragic loss of melted cheese left on this breakfast sandwich wrapper please let me find the strength

*waking up soaked in sweat, reaching for the roll of paper towels on the nightstand*

heard a rumor that one of the cardinals has an early release Switch 2 he’s bringing to the conclave

[first day as a doctor] me: inside of you are two wolves patient: …you mean lungs? me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what

Beks, I was just abt to post this exact article as an ex of how media covers for these guys. You’re 100% right that he raped his daughter but look how 8News Now (in Indiana) is framing it. “(He) assaulted a woman he knew after a night out at a gentleman’s club” & never mentions his daughter ONCE.

Jesus: *rises after three days* God: (while reading newspaper) well look who decided to join us

If you're in line to get classified military secrets from Pete hegseth, STAY IN LINE

MARK ZUCKERBERG: Emperor Augustus, I have come to meet you, as you are a major inspiration for my own empire in the distant future. CAESAR AUGUSTUS: (whispering to his advisors) The stretched-out child has the hair of a dog

earth: I’m dying humans: I’m sorry you feel that way

me: why do chicken coups only have two doors? interviewer: i meant questions about the job… me: because if they had four doors they’d be chicken sedans. interviewer: you’re hired.

i went to pick something up off the ground once and forgot to bend my knees and my body came apart like a lego figure

m&m eggs mean they're not mammals

Are Catholics just like on the honor system right now

me: i think the server is down again wife: is it because of your jokes me: alright

I thought this was SNL, but it is not.

This is incredible. Wait about 20 seconds into this clip. 🙃

@scarycutedinos.bsky.social Thanks!

🤬😡🤬 THIS 🖕🏼 💙✊💙✌️💙