crows will remember your face. same as mall security

Oscar animated shorts really good again this year, though I loved one fewer than last year

feeling the ideation, but could probably be negotiated down to a petite mort

if you left me and the biologist from Annihilation in a locked room one of us is leaving it pregnant and it’s not going to be me and it’s not going to be her but it is going to be an unexpected third presence

got it in under the wire

Elrond: our hopes and dreams go with you on this quest. I and my wife cannot accompany you of course, we have tickets to U2, which as ancient elves is our favorite band, but feel free to take this stuff we were going to put in our garage sale along with the son of a guy we know

The beths no joy

make sure I fold my damn laundry in the morning

thinking about the guy at the pharmacy last week who marched up to the register and said “i see your selection of combs is less robust than it was on my last visit here”

I'm gonna stay in soooo much bed tomorrow morning

thats just textureslop you only like it cause it feels good

The Summer Hikaru Died

urza at some point during the brothers' war: "and next I shall invent the skamtebord"

Black hole sun or something daughter I can’t finish this joke

Guy who darns socks when the guy who damns socks walks in:

in my dream I had a controlled fall from an elevation of like 1000 feet and it felt so good

everyone needs to be more suspicious of the health claims that are made about ozempic and other glp-1s. there is an astronomical amount of money and social pressure behind the idea that they're miracle drugs

i have not lived and this is why

web jokes aside what a terrible tagline. the plot isnt any more broad or convoluted than any other heist movie

JFC, cut that shit in half and you’ve eradicated hunger, provided healthcare for all and made education free for all Americans. What the fuck are we doing?

Gnashing

uh oh! wrist hurts! uh oh!

I need to stare into a fire

im gonna go into your computer and change your font names so your Georgia is actually Garamond and your Helvetica is actually Arial and so on

we have a term for those jealous of birds, it's "gender dysphoria"

the trick to making good pasta is to give each noodle a lil kiss

can all my mutuals switch to apple music rq? when you post a YouTube link I can't do anything else while I listennnnnn

me at sheetz

laundry. its like shopping

this morning I was feelin fine, within three hours my brain was Rattling

this happens to me constantly with both movies and books. Organism is the perfect way to put it

how do even very well read people get 1shot by trillion parameter cleverbot lol it's not alive or demonstrating internal reasoning it's reproducing parts of its corpus that make it look like it's demonstrating internal reasoning.

You call it curling... I call it girling (unclear meaning)

the difference between your/you‘re and ur is honestly just a vibe

waiting on a laser

You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more.

me and who

who up moralizing they thoughts

Suburban wine moms will really be like "you believe in voting? that pales in effectiveness to my strategy, firebombing a concentration camp" and then very effectively firebomb a concentration camp

mother fuckers are STILL going to tell me to vote for him

girl who is ready to seize the day or rob a bank or however that saying goes

wanted to hear lysergic bliss by of montreal, so I searched the song and clicked the album it was on and hit play Four hours later I heard lysergic bliss, turns out I clicked on some kind of digital box set of their entire discography

taking off my sea lion hat and throwing it across the room like the green goblin mask

dismembering the chip bag so my hands get less greasy

what we _should_ be saying is “you don’t need a doctor to be on HRT”