If I had to create a time capsule by which future civilizations can remember the best America had to offer, it would include Brad Neely's «Washington»

I cannot read fewer than five books at a time. If you read one book with laser focus, we cannot understand one another

«Pete Hegseth» is a comedy in which a cosplayer is mistaken for the character they are cosplaying, and then they are forced to assume the responsibilities of that character. Hijinks ensue.

Electric Avenue came on in the car on the way to daycare and my kids went apeshit. it’s the best song they’ve ever heard

Every once in a while I'll get a pimple on like my elbow or something and wonder "What did I do to deserve this?"

This made me laugh extra hard today

I wish ghosts and demons were real. I can think of a few people that need a good haunting

I dreamt that I found a good differential geometry textbook. What the fuck is that about

knighted in a fortunate hour <> повсячили у лицарі у сприятливий час

I need to follow more people in different timezones, so I can scroll when I can't sleep

My baby girl is feeling unwell and holding my hand (violent)

It’s soup season! #art

I really want to assemble one of these deep in the forest of the national park

This is his full height

Brian Jacques tried to warn us

It's good to see that Zach Woods has only become more powerful and based with time.

Brat Summer is really into Sauerkraut Fall

@paulduane.bsky.social you reading anything good at the moment?

One time, I made a hat that said «GAx» as an inside joke about preconditioners in numerical linear algebra. A professor, who was from Greece, laughed so hard he cried. I offered to give it to him a year later, and only then did I discover that he thought it was a fart joke

Thinking about the time my sister showed up late to the set for a McDonald's commercial and missed the announcement that the bathroom was a nonfunctional prop. She took a big stinky dump, panicked when it wouldn't flush, and then did the "We're all trying to find the guy who did this" meme

Mountains are just pick-me hills. Red flag tbh

I wonder if anyone's ever sent a gouache dick painting in an attempt to keep the harassment classy

The two wolves inside me have started talking and, I fear, unionizing

FYI I ordered this pizza, and apparently it only counts if someone else orders it for me

Sometimes I think in the grammar of one language but the vocabulary of a second language. And sometimes I'll have a thought that's a mixture of three languages. It'd be cool if I was eloquent in any one of these languages, but I'll accept gibberish as a compromise in the meantime

I just said to my cats, "Everybody chill" and then facepalmed when I realized I could've done it in a Schwarzenegger accent

CHOTINER: And when was that? MY CAT: I mean at least 14 hours ago CHOTINER: Well hold on. You're telling me you haven't been fed at all today but if I look in your bowl here I see a- MY CAT: An untouched serving, I know, but if you'd let me finish- CHOTINER: Yeah, of course.

CHOTINER: Interesting. And did you in fact share the family-sized bag of Reese’s Pumpkins? ME: (biting into a cyanide pill) Nice try you sneaky motherfucker

it feels like blue monday by new order outside

Dear BlueSky, It behooves you to provide congress with a list of any and all users that celebrate this heinous act of violence. Sincerely, Dr. Rex

Getting sent to the grocery store like

My palms look like someone stuffed a pastry bag to bursting with meat

I have the body of a Goron and the meaty hands of some kind of mythical, blacksmithing dwarf. In any case, I can confirm that lifting heavy things does, in fact, cure the void.

rapture thighs around my face, girl. i'm ready to meet god

Thirty million people laughing at my jokes in group chat would fix me

There are so many hot guys at this Circle ⱼₑᵣK

Share your favorite black and white movie

I will live forever

Playing FF Tactics for the first time? Here’s a tip. Go to Mandalia Plain. You’re gonna spend 5 miserable hours having all your characters power up like goku next to a terrified bird or have them throw rocks at each other until they’re max level. This is the best game ever made btw.

You guys do yourself a favor and look at what Eric Adams wore to Rosh Hashanah services at the Sephardic Lebanese Congregation

Releasing some Patreon comics over the next few days.

I respect your right to believe silly things, and I reserve the right to think you're an idiot for believing silly things...Exhibit 8479

Once a year, I just tell the bank that I lost my debit card. Then I go through the panicked emails from various paid services to see which shit I actually want to update the payment info for

Sometimes I wish I didn't know the correct turn of phrase etc., because once you discover a common mistake, you can't help but see it everywhere

You couldn't pay me to read the memoir of anyone even close to my age they are all stupid I saw it with my own eyes.

PSA do not hit your finger with a hammer. I don't care if your friends say it's cool

Люблю ці кольори

Бачите моїх друзів?

"Should I feed the cats now?" =====» 83.333% YES =» 16.666% NO (Depicted: when you have five cats)