Ahem

Mamdani will be sworn in in the station that inspired the Turtles lair in TMNT 2: The Secret Of The Ooze

No spoilers plz

i just told a child that the reason its best to eat eel on a train is that an eel and a train are shaped the same and it stunned the child into silence

Ich werde oft gefragt, warum ich so viel Nutella esse. Das liegt daran, dass ich eine seltene Krankheit habe: mein Körper kann kein eigenes Nutella produzieren. Daher muss ich es in großen Mengen zuführen.

Constant Douche California, San Francisco, Index to San Francisco Passenger Lists, 1893-1934

«півострів» Sometimes words just make sense

Montaigne arguing "if you're so smart, then how do you justify—without Divine Mandate—that Mankind is the specialest baby boy?!" failing to consider the possibility that, in fact, his premise is false. He's so close to getting it 💀

The translator wrote "We honor [God] with our members," and I can't move past it

now why would a nasty old monster be hiding under your bed? doesn't sound so scary to me. you know what i think? something must've badly wounded it

Ah, yes. The horrible sin of *checks notes* thinking

World's Smartest Man in 1569: Protestantism is a fad and basically atheism.

This is actually the funniest thing I've ever posted (laudatory and depressing)

"I'm soooo sorry about Raymond Sebond." - An Apology for Raymond Sebond by Michel de Montaigne

No one has ever been able to adequately explain what Putin is meant to have thought NATO expansion would threaten him with, apart from limiting his expansionist ambitions. "He was worried they'd invade Russia." No he wasn't. He just wasn't. That's not a thing anyone thought might happen.

I love reading the prose of brilliant minds when it's aged enough to easily discern how shit the opinions were. It's just so refreshing to see a genius say the dumbest shit you've ever heard.

Manosphere influencers trying to convince boys that they gotta be tough, but like... I cut up some food for my grandma and got worried that it might be too hot, and then my wife tried to rip my clothes off.

Добраніч

Will Stancil is the classic example of a kid that's so smart that they convince themselves of dumb things

The eyes are the nipples of the soul

Missiletoe is a male front wedgie

Fast and bad, a famously successful strategy

- The free civilized world was here - How can you tell? - They shat themselves and ran, must’ve been an escalation. They only do this when they’re in great distress (when something happens)

I only recently learned what hoss means, and it cracked me up

Make a Bond movie casual. LIVE AND LAUGH LOVE

Thought I’d take a 3 hour nap since the electricity is out anyway and I was expecting a horrific bombing later at night. Well, after 1.5 hours, I was woken up by Kyiv being attacked with ballistic missiles. Explosions before the alert could even sound.😒

IYKYK...Runners Up for $500: Aleksander Karelin

I need a shock collar that can detect when I'm about to post bad

I would pay for drafts.

Sorry. Unless you're Alexander the Great, I'm not reading that memoir

"okay, repeat the part about cleaning their cage; I've got my pen out"

I played basketball with my nephew and brothers in law, and I had to be SO careful not to hurt anybody. Every time I bumped into them, it felt like I just knocked into a precariously balanced pyramid of wine glasses

My sister said. "OMG did you lose weight!?" I'm 120kg. So, uh...no not really lol

I like to imagine that there is a rivalry between two top ham-sniffers: one, a meticulous keeper of precise traditions, the other a brash bad-boy with a colossal nose.

The most outrageous insult I've ever heard—and I mean my jaw DROPPED—was when my highschool classmate's dad died. Shortly thereafter, they were caught lying about sleeping with a mutual friend, and a buddy said, "Must've sworn on your dad's life, huh." I was literally speechless, in shock.

Fuck you people. Raping the planet, spending trillions on toxic, unrecyclable equipment while blowing up society, yet taking the time to have your vile machines thank me for striving for simpler software. Just fuck you. Fuck you all. I can't remember the last time I was this angry.

Writing trivia questions and categories for NYE with my family. Six normal categories. Six bizarro versions of those categories So far... Normal (Bizarro) Ohio (Bizarr-O-hio) 2025 (1775) Prize Winners (Runners Up) Famous First Lines (Famous Last Words) Caligula (Bigfoot) Need one more

The mind digs shallow graves

Great of The Guardian to profile a Dark Souls boss.

Is he gonna have to do this at every house

MARLEY: I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link— ME: Hell yeah dude you were a blacksmith? MARLEY: What? No ME: Oh you made a big chain for fun? MARLEY: No ME: Ok well it looks heavy man you can throw it on the chair if you want I’m just gaming MARLEY: Is that the new Battlefield

Made my wife watch the first episode of the Santa anime

My mom used to accidentally call me by my dog's name. My dog's name was Shalimar

Admitting you liked anime before it was cool

If you buy handwash-only silverware or dishes, I'm not cleaning your shit