Chat, I'm going on a trip next year and I want an over the top tracksuit for the flight. Shiny, retro, plaid, lay it on me.

You don't see the Green Giant and more because they chopped off his hand to make the Hamburger Helper

15-year-olds aren’t “barely legal.” There is no such thing as “underage women” they’re fucking CHILDREN.

Lunchtime snuggle for someone who's a little clingy today

colonizers telling people to go back to their own country

Critics are raving about Deeny

Lingerie but it’s just Little Debbie snack cakes covering my tids and bits.

Spring starts tomorrow, right?

what you see in the meeting vs real life

It's like the wizard of oz. My friends are in a Bubbel 🧡

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Plant Sticker. Come on guys, this is a family friendly platform. Either keep it in your pots or get a field already. collabs.shop/eco6yk

chips are always potatoes, sorry

Your Dad's greatest skeet led to your birth.

Goon a movie "Goongarry Goon Ross"

fuck you my man

Age yourself with gaming

me (lying): i will no longer give energy to those who do not reciprocate

Woman: I’d like to use my monkey’s paw wish to give everyone who needs them free feminine hygiene products, with no hidden conditions! Genie: Granted. *paw curls* They get free tampons; no strings attached. Woman: Motherfucker

Quick timelapse of part of the Northern lights from SkyCam last night.

What a meteor!! Regular speed video then slow motion and cropped to show it better. SkyCam is doing a top job for me.

Dear diary, It is no longer safe for me to light a scented candle in my home. Perimenopause has decided scents that were once pleasant are now foul and prone to incite violence. I tried with the door closed and was delivered my last warning. I fear my cologne may trigger the end of me. Pray for me.

This is unbearably funny

Holy shit I wrote a comic Holy shit I wrote a comic Holy shit I wrote a comic

Me: Halloween is over, why are they still showing horror stuff? Him: That's the news.

It’s Florida! What could go wrong? floridapolitics.com/archives/764...

it's either 'dont be gay' or 'love thy neighbor'. you can't have it both ways

I didn't know they would clown around

the CDC is recommending that you die. idk why, i didn't ask

It's so jarring to have it suddenly dark at 5pm My brain is like fuck going out it's too late for that shit we should hide in the basement until the sun decides it's worth living again

The cat just motorboated my partner and fell asleep

It was close. Sarah McLaughlin was almost to the front door before I had his food served.

Is it time yet

We are 12 minutes away from the dog's dinner. Let the side eye commence.

Hey so Michael Burry (the dude Christian Bale plays in The Big Short) just took out a billion dollar short bet against a few HUGE Ai companies………… Reminder that he made mega bank betting on the housing market to fail back in 2008. No one believed that was even possible at the time.

I feel like I'm dying of thousands of little cuts to my heart

13y: please don't say goodbye to me or acknowledge me 13y: why don't you pay attention to me you don't love me

if the worm you paid for falls off the hook do you get a rebait

Everyone: he's being weird again *me if I were an otter

feeling like

PSA: if you like a skeet, repost it The chances of it getting seen becomes astronomical. Do your mutuals, randos, whoever...right

Skircle Sunday friends 🧡

even my dog knows I'm forgetful he will wait at the top of the stairs before following me because of how often I need to go right back to get something I forgot

You could survive so many horror movies by simply saying "no thank you"

My attempt 🧡

Being called an NCP or Main Character are insults. So I should aim for being the narrator?

White House   Maid Shrieks After Spotting    Melania  On Ceiling