lately my excedrin hasn’t been excedring. because of woke? 🤔

[seeing something scurrying across the road] Me: BUNNY?? :D Cliff: rat :(

Coffee shops just aren’t selling soups of the day like they used to. because of woke

In 2028 I will vote for whoever will send Stephen Miller to The Hague.

“I just had to ask: If there’s no worm, does the early bird go hungry? Meanwhile, across town, Samantha was dealing with a different sort of worm of her own.”

Pete Hegseth is the kind of guy you used to send on a Crusade so he’d stop bothering you and die from incompetence

One of the best covers ever

Finally, my long awaited tribute to new york city in celebration of mamdani's win

Unbelievably huge losers and pussies who saved Trump from a shutdown that he was being squarely blamed for by everybody, and was almost certainly going to crack.

he wouldn’t last 5 minutes with her

I know I live in “shorts in the snow” country but Dunkin currently has no hot drinks in their holiday specials and I feel like I’m losing it

The original Dem demands were: 1) Permanent ACA subsidies 2) Medicaid funding restored 3) No more blank checks for the regime (rescission) They dropped Medicaid immediately. Went silent on rescission. Cut back to 1 year of subsidies on Friday. And surrendered today. The Senate Democrats!

no matter what the circumstances, democrats are always saving their energy for a mythical future situation where they will do something good

learning ✍️

introduced my coworkers to the perpetual stew guy and they were disgusted 💕

Time to crush the whole operation there is no going back

work secret Santa announcements just went out and you guessed it I got the one person on the team I’ve never even officially met (and she’s management)

We live in the most evil country in the world.

sounds like the mulberry tree is trying to claw its way into my home

I’m sorry but you really shouldn’t be allowed to use a purple label on raisin-less bolos levedos

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects

this is actually a solid case study in why ‘just go into the trades’ is a bunch of foolishness: if you don’t know how to think or organize your thoughts or god forbid memorize then you’ll be just as much of a failure in jobs that don’t require a college degree as you will in jobs that do

it happened to me: I heard the high-pitched device designed to keep away rats

our "smart" coffee machine at work is broken today. I made a joke about it being related to the AWS outage but then we looked in the back and it's plugged into ethernet

honestly feels good

life when women like the vehicle

Please be conscious if you protest this weekend that there are feds at the protest. They look like you and they sound like you, not like Steve Buscemi in that one clip with the skateboard. Thinking you can spot them is self delusion. Nobody you haven’t met needs to know your last name.

federal agents stealing children and sending them south. where have i heard about that before?

Hi Sally. When Weiss published a supposed expose on the death of George Floyd, a veteran criminal justice reporter showed in deep detail that the piece was not just wrong but filled with falsehoods and misrepresentations. Weiss did not retract the piece. What do you think of that?

“Who was president in 2020?” remains one of the most pertinent questions in American politics—absurd, yes, but here we are—and that extends to “who was president January 1 - 19, 2021?”

I won’t lie to you all. A few days ago I had two encounters with a large house centipede and I’ve been jumpy ever since

Whom has a spectacular recipe for beef stew (no crockpot)

"what if we support trans rights and we lose" buddy I hate to break it to you but you have already tried throwing trans people under the bus and you still lost

i wrote about The Life of a Showgirl

Sometimes (like tonight) I cannot sleep thinking about all of the immigrants who over the years told me we were headed to the place our country currently finds itself, and how little people seemed to care because it was immigrants saying it.

It's not that I won't vote for Gavin Newsom if he's the presidential candidate. It's that if the Democratic Party chooses him, then they are communicating to me that they actively do not want my vote, and believe they don't need it. I will simply honor their wishes

Thread 🧵 Two years have passed since Israel launched its genocide against Palestinians in Gaza. Here’s the scale of devastation by the numbers ⤵️ 🔗: aje.io/r00cl2

the unbearable weight of having a delicious smelling lunch at the office

“The decision by Reed’s family to seek a second autopsy reflects a wider distrust in systems that too often prioritize expediency or institutional reputation over the pursuit of truth.” blackgirlnerds.com/second-autop...

I open a lemonade stand. One million trans people patronize my lemonade stand. 6 Nazis show up. I make them all Lemonade Kings. I call in the National Guard to turn fire hoses on the trans people. Me and the lemonade kings all laugh. My name is Jay and this is smart business. You wouldn't get it.

happy sigourney weaver pumpkin photoshoot day to all who celebrate

car crashed into a daycare fence in what — to me — looked like the driver having a medical emergency, and people are out here in the comments going full Hammurabi

Front page news! 📰 Yesterday's ProJo featured an article by Antonia Noori Farzan on our new CEO, Melissa Cherney. Last week she toured RI food pantries, seeing rising demand, limited supplies—and creative, dignified solutions in action. Read more: https://tinyurl.com/253bu9fx

just guess