If releasing your tax returns and the Epstein files would end your presidency, then your presidency must end. It’s that simple.

It's weird to be eating popcorn and watching a refactor...

"and the representative character of the tech guys trying to turn the federal government into their personal empire will be named Augustus Dorko"

in a way, isn’t causing men to crash out before she’s even done anything just proof that Lupita is perfect for Helen of Troy

This is what happens when there's historically low trust in the Presidents of the United States of America

Mr President a second Trump term has just hit the economy

There's a screenshot going around of authors admitting to AI use and one of them appears to write hardcore monsterfucking fics and this makes me sad. If you're not writing monsterfucking fics for the sheer, genuine love of the game then what the hell are we even doing here?

The confederacy lived on as a virus, kept alive in the family fortunes of slavers...

So basically if you become a ghost, the default settings will put you in the age and clothes you died in. What you want is to select, REVERT TO PRIME OF LIFE, in the Advanced Options submenu. Then you can pretty much just scroll through all the outfits you had in life, set body transparency, etc.

Depraved.

Ukrainian cat activated. FPV drone eliminated. 🫡

Exactly one year ago today:

I’ve given this a great deal of thought, trying to come up with the perfect joke for this moment, and this is what I have so far - POPE LEO: our religion teaches that this war is bad VANCE: wow, who died and made YOU head of the Catholic Church?? POPE LEO: well, you should know, you were there

My father was a relentlessly self-degrading casino owner from Queens with high grade sociopathy and a penchant for buggery. He would womanize, he would tweet. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the phrase "prime the pump." Sometimes he would accuse popes of being weak on crime.

Inviting JD Vance to every Yankees game

tshirt that says 'oomkiller is my garbage collector'

So donny is making a political demand by threatening a bombing? That's terrorism. The GOP supports a terrorist with 34 felony convictions.

damn he’s stealing the centrist platform

“Hey look at that kitty.” “Wait you saw a cat? I didn't see a cat.” "Yeah, I saw a cat twice." “Shit, we’re being A/B tested!”

imagine someone saying they'd rather talk to JD vance than you. devastating

given the modern conservative fascination with Sparta it's at least a little funny that they've engineered a situation in which Persia is able to level a dramatically uneven battlefield by forcing the conflict into a narrow pathway

TSA: working, not getting paid and expected to keep showing up ICE: notably overfunded, to the tune of ~$200k agent salaries. assignment is to stand around, menace, or kidnap. We've recreated the plantation at the airport. How very America. Happy 250!

Making the Strait of Hormuz safe for energy shipments would be a remarkable accomplishment, one that the world has never seen since the beginning of the month.

a billionaire must never make a decision because the billionaire can never be held accountable

Wife just told me this one: What’s the difference between Iran and Vietnam? Trump had a plan to get out of Vietnam.

Very on-brand for Gingrich to seek out a new, younger canal the moment the current canal starts having health problems

I used to think migrant workers in Dubai were exploited labor with no political rights but these days, they're exploited labor with no political rights.

From 2022: "Perhaps one reason why America’s national reckoning on police brutality took so long to arrive is because TV is conditioning its citizens to view cops as reliable heroes."

Says a lot about him that he's still on twitter :/

what fresh hell

That frigate was at the international fleet review in India BTW, along with US forces. This amounts to sinking a ship under a flag of truce so it's even worse than it seems

Tired: Misperceiving the shadows in Plato's cave as reality. Wired: Betting on the shadows in Plato's cave.

Good thing we're not creating any new Veterans... news.va.gov/press-room/v...

new type of AWS outage: cruise missile

You're an Iranian intel officer. You've spent months perfecting a PDF that invisibly executes a keylogger on a low-level but highly cleared asset's private machine, which they're not supposed to be using for government work. Pete Hegseth adds you to a chat with the joint chiefs called BRUNCH BITCHES

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done - started a war in the middle east - completely destroyed the economy

It's time for the left to end DEI and bring back the meritocracy. by David Ellison, Jared Kushner, and RFK Jr.

Your free speech rights end where billionaires’ feelings begin.

I've been woimpilled It's time for some woimposting

As the guy who wrote the book on zoning abolition, I'd like to go on record as saying: if you can use zoning to stop the concentration camps, fucking go for it.

“It was his very lifestyle that offered something worth aspiring to. Not a vision for society, but a vision for the individual: to say, do, and be whatever you want without consequence—not in spite of cruelty or selfishness, but because of those things.” www.liberalcurrents.com/what-trump-s...

I just want to live in a country where the leader can’t enrich themselves with our tax dollars, the government does what the people want, and the wealthy have to follow the laws. You know, like a democracy.

Become A Member. Get The Paper. https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001bfegPAAQ

Well his name isn't Thomas Readerton