Take a minute for this Sam Neill clip, reuniting with his JP co-stars.

you need to get the fuck off my shit bitch. fuck head

They gave me norco so you KNOW I fucked myself up good, they don't just hand that shit out anymore

2nd trip to urgent care for a scooter accident, don't worry, still cute, just my knees and elbows aren't so much right now

(plz don’t block me, i’m stoned)

Why

Levi's decided to go the Wild Cherry Pepsi route with their ads. Cool

We're here to feel, bad or good or anything else, our purpose is to feel, I love it personally

Fuck you Bill, it would be really cool to have some advice right now, even if it's totally wrong because you're old as shit, having not died in 1983

Sometimes when I'm really lonely I get mad at my dad for being dead

correct you if you’re wrong?? bitch this is the internet i’ll correct you even if youre right

We can laugh at you in court or we can laugh at you when you die. Im sorry but those are the options. None of the ghouls are outliving all of us

i will say lindsey graham being asked by a reporter how mitch mcconnell is doing, answering “i don’t know, i’m going to check right now” and then dying is hilarious

i know you’re looking for it. here she is, girls. here she is, world

Lindsay Graham was not just one of politics’ greatest worms, he was one of AMERICA’s greatest worms. Now he is in worm heaven, playing with that that great worm rock n roll band. Goodbye forever, monumental worm, you believed in nothing and it all worked out!

Here is Graham gloating about "killing all the right people." Just in case you see anyone try to do the whole "we should have decency for the dead" nonsense.

every dead senator gets a thoughtful obituary lauding their “courage” and then if you look it up the courage was filibustering the Give Medicine to Cancer Kids act

Wait what, a different one died?

Did anyone else notice how like all of reality is a simulation?

*quickly deleting my "I will cook and eat my own penis if Conor McGregor loses" post on Reddit*

Getting diarrhea like, "Hope this isn't the diarrhea that was on the news"

Hey someone talk to me and be my friend I'm very normal and only kinda drunk

this is a fantastic star trek meme lmao im fuckin losin it

Mountain Don't

We can just do stuff.

If I won a big lottery I would have my own Wikipedia article for most remote house

"executives with no understanding of the industry" seems to be an endemic problem across industries: higher education, medicine, you name it, a bunch of suits with MBAs and unearned arrogance are destroying everything around us, and for some reason, we're supposed to accept that they know best

I'm microdosing jenkem

Could Frankenstein become a vampire or a werewolf?

I've been married for 20 years which means don't ask me shit about relationships I have no advice for you

The complete elimination of Meta would yield unambiguous, far reaching benefits for global society.

Cool

being in the DSA is fun because you get to spend most of your time helping people with social anxiety canvass for democratic school board candidates and then go online to see people with blue wave emojis in their bios compare you to pol pot

I don't want to be on a site where you can just summon nazi AI to answer questions at any time

The chuds need us. Their life is empty and meaningless without us. All we want is for them to fuck off and leave us alone but they never will because their entire identity is wrapped up in opposing us, they have nothing without it. They don't exist without someone to hate.

Long past time for any left-of-center person still actively using twitter to admit that it melts your brain. Platner should erase any lingering doubt. Twitter Platner supporters (who ran the gamut of left-of-center ideologies) assured everyone they were the normal ones and it blew up horribly.

Losing my mind at this Murder, She Wrote promo

Playing badminton with Mitch McConnell. We talked about the midterms and Iran. I took the first game 15-0 because he is unresponsive and lying on the ground.

Being autistic and seeing some other autistic person do or say some super autistic stuff, sometimes I wanna be like man that was pretty autistic what you did there, but it would probably offend a lot of people

Jesus fucking Christ the wars are really popping off today

Heartbreaking hearing that the woman who Platner raped was hesitant to come forward because she agreed with his politics and didn’t want to damage the movement. If you didn’t already realize, this sort of thing happens a lot you just don’t usually hear about it

Really enjoying the price is right subreddit

US looks increasingly like a captured petro island in the world economy: "You wouldn't know it if you live in the USA or consume US media and politics, but the fight between EVs & ICEs is basically over...ALL the growth globally is in EVs" Polycrisis Podcast open.spotify.com/show/78cVf8D...

I spend all morning starting arguments that I will have completely lost interest in by noon

Don't say "breadtuber" to me. I will never fully learn what that is, I refuse. I have a vague idea and that's quite enough.

What if your name was Jimmy Penis and you weren't allowed to change it?