i genuinely hate how internet culture has become so normalized and widespread. i do not want a white house deputy chief of staff saying "it's white boy november" or a secretary of state tweeting that he's "locked in for this banger." grow up.

happy memorial day

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny would you choose hard or soft shell tacos.

hey john. its your cousin marvin. marvin cage! you know that new sound youve been looking for? well listen to this *hangs up phone*

i'm basically the jack ryan of being sleepy

this is the last photo on my parents' video birdfeeder before it was mysteriously destroyed we may never know what happened

My latest, “Otrohet on Ponce” in the lovely Spring Issue of Chariot Press: chariotpressjournal.com/2026/05/otro... #poetry

"I thought topical humor would kill," I yell as I'm dragged from the ointment convention. "At least these free samples will help with all these cuts." Look, I just need to feel something.

My autocorrect just coined "Super Smash Bris", possibly the least fun game of all time

Oh yeah write something in pentameter that’ll be fun great plan chief

i went to the foreshadowing store and nobody knew you... yet.

"Can you explain this gap in your resume?" Me:

The grip BuzzFeed had on us is more millennial-defining than any song.

there is already enough sadness in the world, why do we need IPAs

I feel a lot of David Attenborough's hard work with nature preservation is to cover for how much of a mess his brother made of that dinosaur theme park.

!!!

Jail for home builders who drop charcoal gray cubist homes in the middle of historic neighborhoods

well maybe if you quit spending money on avocado toast and coffee you could actually afford to gamble online,

Doing a U turn at Briarcliff and Ponce is a hate crime.

if you scoop out too much cream cheese for your bagel, no you didn’t

I have to go to work???

Ted Turner had an instinct for mergers, a lot of charm, an inhuman level of self-confidence, AND a wildly overinflated sense of what he could pull off, and if I were to pick a single deal that represented all of those qualities, it would be "I think I can turn Jane Fonda into a trophy wife."

Birria tacos are obviously not dunkaroos. They are fondue.

Group chat inspo. You heard it here first. It’s hoochie shorts summer.

Immaculate vibes outside today

A tragic use of AI is in flyers for kids wanting to babysit or walk dogs or mow lawns, that shit demands terrible child graphic design skills and we should not accept anything less

Totoro rules, because nothing really happens in it, but we briefly open our eyes to the reality of death and the enchantment of the world, while the titular creature didn't even notice he was IN a movie

So frustrating that you have a limited amount of time and energy to do tasks each day. Just like in Stardew Valley

Would a new Daft Punk album fix the world? I’m not ruling it out.

Gotta keep trucking.

The problem, is that I'm all out of cheese

Anyone know of a good cryptkeeper? I was suspicious of mine after so little work was getting done so i set up a hidden camera and half the time he's just sitting there telling stories

Man, I thought Saba lost that watch a long time ago, but it was Saba time tonight. #atlutd

Proudly a curmudgeon about the wave at sporting events.

Ladybird (2017) is a lovely movie.

My hair is in such an unhinged point in its grow out and I’m just embracing looking like a crazy person.

Stardew Valley is so great. I wish farming was real.

Going on walks? Aces. 10/10 recommend.

I swear Atlanta’s infrastructure is held together by wing bones and duct tape

Oakhurst, EAV, Buckhead

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if all you accomplish this weekend is reading a riveting novel cover-to-cover whilst drinking multiple cups of tea and consuming a scandalous amount of scones, you will have accomplished more than enough.

I've never met a brewery dog I've not pet

you're looksmaxxing. i'm texmexxing. we are not the same.

Atlanta sports teams always find a way to be truly, legendarily, embarrassing.

Jason is here asking the world's big questions.

So you started laundry too late and now you’re sleepy. An old man’s lament.

Reading an Emily Henry novel is basically a lobotomy. (Complimentary)