You ever just stop everything that you're doing and look at your pet and be like, this is a creature I have invited into my home for no discernable reason and somehow I would die for them.

cats will be like “does anyone wanna see my butthole” and not wait for an answer

i don’t want to earn a living, i just want to pet cats

Hey boss, can’t do my notes for work. Please accept this as an excuse note.

It should be illegal to go to sleep with a headache and wake up with one

I cannot die before I've pet a raccoon

Happy happy happy

Me: what is your objective here Cat: Comfort. I am motivated solely by personal comfort Me: … because it sure SEEMS like you are arranging to sit so that you can thwack me in the face with your tail Cat: sheer coincidence, I assure you

Sure would be great if this like 80 year old man would stop touching me every time he leans over

having cats is really fun i get a new scratch once or twice a day

The best part of a counseling conference is all the cardigans

They should invent a life that is less expensive

Me, packing a bag for a work conference only 45 minutes away: “Think I should pack my knitting?”

I think we all should be proud of me for only having 3 bins of yarn and extra craft supplies in the garage

Forget tradwives, I'm becoming a tradspinster. I own a cat and the local children think I'm a witch.

one of my favorite things about being alive is that sometimes i’ll meet a cat

sorry for being shy around new people I'm like a shelter dog you have to acclimate first

!!!

Adulthood is just cycling between "If I don't say yes to every opportunity, no new opportunities will ever be offered to me" and "Oh no, I have said yes to too many things" over and over until you die.

The world would be a better place if we all stopped doing whatever it is we’re doing and just tried to be worthy of our cats and dogs.,

To the people who take their dog out without a leash and unsupervised : Don't do that. For the safety of both your dog and others.

Getting two roots canals is quite the way to start a Monday

You’d think decreasing my meds would decrease the brain fog but apparently not

Just a reminder that you are required by law to say “Biiiiig stretch” whenever your pet stretches.

What if dogs lick us because they know there's bones inside us

They’re playing Jesus music at my dentists office

hi yeah sorry I'm gonna be late to work today, the cat needed to make biscuits on me for thirty minutes

Work happy hour- Coworker 1: *just got married* Coworker 2: *bought a house* Coworker 3: *bought a house* Me: *having a crisis*

I told my therapist to listen to Noah Kahan and if I don’t get an email from her between our sessions with her feelings about it I’m gonna have to rethink our relationship

When someone’s shitty spouse deeply hates you, it is similar to being liked by a dog someone says is skittish. Feels like a badge of honor.

Cinnamon and vanilla fall into that class of ingredients—like garlic and cheese—that must be measured with your heart. 1tsp?? I think we can do better than that!

I'm working today which, as it turns out, is not as much fun as going to a bunch of bookstores and blowing more money than I should on books.

I really hope today includes you meeting a new cat

Is it being Gen Z or having depression: sometimes doing my notes for work is easier on my phone than my laptop

“But that’s just as bad,” protested Milo. “You mean just as good,” corrected the Humbug. “Things which are equally bad are also equally good. Try to look at the bright side of things.”

My favorite thing is when you stop petting a dog and he puts his paw on you like, “We’re not done here.”

Idk anymore man

The Great Divide by Noah Kahan is a 15/10 album. No notes. It's perfect. Devastatingly beautiful. Emotional rollercoaster in the absolute best way.

New Noah Kahan tonight - huge news for white dudes who should be taking a little more Lexapro

I think Noah Kahan is a little angry in this album... and I like it.

Pre gaming for The Great Divide by crying already

Crash out? Me? Hell no. I just go directly to bed

It's illegal not to say "big stretch" after your pet does a big stretch. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

How To Live A Good Life #oldknees

All I’m saying is if I was going to write a book about a boy who never grew up, I wouldn’t have called him Peter Pan. I would’ve named him Constanteen.

Women are amazing. That's it. That's the post.

It’s Noah Kahan week!!

I love the age old ritual of carrying your cat around to help it catch a bug.

Immediately won over a cat I was told didn’t like people. Undefeated as the cat whisperer.