“Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson

I applaud @civixplorer for this delightful little bit of flag nonsense.

What idiot called them varicose veins instead of caterpillaries?

Manual labour falls into two categories: - boring - riveting

I'm running a Beatles pun contest, and I'm getting Paul McCartney to heyjudicate.

RIP Jane Goodall

For the record, my break is not well earned but I’m taking it anyway

You could fit my limited vocabulary into a really small thingy.

The scientific term for dog zoomies is Frenetic Random Activity Periods.

Googling “what to expect at first rodeo”

In my bookshop days, the faves were Melways and the Kama Sutra. Both practical I guess

Futurise a film: Robot-Proof Fence To Siri With Love The Deepfake AI Tonya Tinderella Taxi Driverless VR For Vendetta Schindler’s Listicle Men In Blockchain Rosemary’s Designer Baby Fried Green Frankentomatoes

The b in subtle is there as an example

you’re never more than 10 feet away from someone texting “lol” with a completely expressionless face

“I’m trying to find a monastery where all the monks are over six foot five” “That’s a tall order”

DAIRY SONGS Only The Provolone Churn, Churn, Churn Streets of Philadelphia Yoghurt A Friend In Me Gouda Two Shoes Feta Man Moo River Brieannon Cheddar Be Home Soon Udder The Milky Whey You Can Ring My Babybel Curd It On The Grapevine

i really hope someone empties it out at the end of the day

Last night from radio listeners: when you use your rear-view mirror for make-up & grooming: roadrouge carooming smear view minivanity dash-dabbing limopreen recarnation

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands. DOUGLAS ADAMS

Sour grapes come from a whinery

Take your time, folks. It happens before you know it

My September newsletter is out now, with links to lots of good stuff and a couple of linguisticky pics from my trip to Guangzhou: open.substack.com/pub/lynnegui...

Tic tac crow

Someone sent me this today. 😅

“I can’t scroll on, I’ll scroll on.”

Just saw a septic tanker drive past called STOOL BUS. Well played

WHOAAAA BLACK BETTY

Is it "accidentally" or "by accident"? Anyway, I sawed my assistant in half

One day I hope to be ubiquitous. That's me all over.

WHAT'S A HAIKU? (Anagrammed Lines) Basically, the paced heptadecasyllabic blade; a patchy slice.

Drop the first word: Over-exaggerate Temper tantrum Added bonus Extreme end New innovation Safe haven Tiny speck Very unique Free gift Totally unanimous Forward planning Necessary requirement

brush up on your British history

getting major Wonderland vibes

Sounds made by animals in various different languages... Pip pip (Swedish mouse) Woke woke (Burmese dog) Meh (Portuguese sheep) Kum Kum (Polish frog) Ungaa (Tagalog cow) Behehe (Albanian goat) Haloom (Bengali lion) I-go-go (Russian horse) Gulu gulu (Turkish turkey) ???? (any fox)

Whoever did this and I would get along well.

Word of the Day: ANTIMETABOLE - a rhetorical device when words are repeated in successive clauses, but swapped. For instance JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country", or Snoop Dogg's "With my mind on my money and my money on my mind."

What idiot called them publicists instead of hypewriters?

-ATI PARTY literati - writers glitterati - celebs zitterati - teens fitterati - gym rats knitterati - hipsters critterati - ecologists fence-sitterati - swing voters hotshitterati - narcissists splitterati - divorcees gritterati - survivors dead-spitterati - doppelgängers

Kath & Kim quotes are “the bain-marie of my existence.” Toasting the foxy Fountain Gate ladies on radio. A favourite quote or moment?

Tell a body: do ballet. #palindrome

Roget’s Dwarves: Somnolent Diffident Jubilant Gormless Sternutatory Cantankerous Quack

I'd love to wear a suit made of Velcro but I'm not sure I could pull it off.

Same, pepper, same.

I'm not saying I'm dumb but nobody ever tells me "that's a great question"

doctor: let's start the stress test me: ok doctor: *turns on the news*

grammar was more important in the days of you’re

I love eating my family and resisting commas

Melbourne Movies Silence of the Trams My Left Footscray Jurassic Parksville Wantirna & Hooch Black Rock Down Raging Bulleen El Wood Kew Largo Full Jolimonty School Of Ruck The Southbank Job Attack of the Keilor Tomatoes