No don’t score against them, it’ll just make them angry.

Remember to scream loudly out of the window at random moments to keep your iPlayer-watching neighbours on their toes.

Today’s Wordle can fuck all the way off, then fuck off a bit further for good measure.

Eldest daughter graduated uni today. So proud of her. But where has the time gone? Three years just like *that*.

Really enjoying the increasingly probable prospect of Trump having to present the World Cup trophy to Spain. Odds he tantrums out?

My son just told me is favourite sentence is: “I didn’t say we should kill him” because if you emphasise each different word it changes the entire meaning

This is the Amnesty International report on the anti-rights groups. These anti-rights groups have immediately engaged in lawfare to bury this report. *be a shame if people kept sharing it. drive.google.com/file/d/1UggI...

Streisand! STREISAND!! STREISAND EFFECT!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!?

Nearly 11 years ago, I’d had a great night out with friends and got back to my flat in a state you’d call ‘rather tipsy’ You know when it’s late and you should go to bed but you’re not tired, you’re wired? That It was nearly getting late but I wasn’t ready to sleep 1/

Funnily enough I don't remember Andrew ever expressing these concerns the last four times a Conservative MP became Prime Minister outside of a general election.

Sam Neill was a terrific actor, but more importantly he was a great human being. He is loved, and will be missed. It’s not every actor who could play the Antichrist, a Russian submarine commander, and a dinosaur scientist. You will see Montana, sir. Godspeed.

This looks FUN. I love a mad Cruise performance. www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdaT...

in honor of Sam Neill, here is one of my favorite movies he ever made

"Unfortunately for Farage it is just not possible to make out that it’s your opponent who’s the mainstream politician when you’re wearing a suit and he’s wearing a bin."

fatality www.instagram.com/p/DasR6g-lZB...

It makes no sense for Russia to murder Graham. Trump is utterly their creature, and Graham was his. To murder a loyalist Senator and think it’d go undiscovered - and shrugged off IF discovered - is absurd. Unless the plan is to blame Ukraine for it, maybe by first performatively accusing Russia…

To be even more emphatic about this: what Democratic Senators are saying about Graham is rooted in the old decorum that assumed the two parties were operating from different perspectives, but both with the common good in mind. It is impossible to pretend that is true in 2026.

I frequently get to do things that would astound most people, yet for me they stopped feeling strange a long time ago, and I’m hard pressed to remember when. Far more confounding for me is the fact I just cooked Thai red beef curry for my once-ultra-fussy eater 16yo autistic daughter AT HER REQUEST.

A story in 3 acts #Wimbledon

I’ve not even been watching it, and yet it still feels downright odd there’s now no football on for the next two nights.

PSA.

people will be like “don’t speak ill of the dead” when you’re just quoting the dead verbatim

Deeply saddened to learn of the loss of my dear friend Satan, the Prince of Lies. Though we often disagreed about matters such as the appropriate role of torture in the afterlife, I will most remember how his quick wit and affable nature made our weekly golf outings a ritual. He will be missed.

“You’ve got to watch out for them gopher holes, Roger.”

Whether this story is apocryphal or not, how we shit on Lindsay Graham today matters. Other Quislings who are still alive and enabling Trump need to know how they will be remembered if they don’t turn on him immediately. This is the legacy that awaits them all.

These 2 assholes decided it was a good idea to assault my partner and subject us both to transphobia. It happened in Castle Meadow, Norwich at around 16:55 and the next 15 minutes after they came back twice to subject us to transphobia and tell us to die in a river. . Make them famous.

He's not wrong.

Hi. We're in the Age of Diarrhea. I'm a global health expert on helping children survive diarrhea. Here's what to do if you might have picked up cyclospora. 🧵 1. Call your primary care if possible. 2. Take oral rehydration therapy, which isn't just drinking fluids. 1/

Wrong turn (1/3)

Wife wakes up before I do and more often than not she drapes her bare breasts repeatedly across my face until I wake up. It's absolutely fantastic and the highlight of my day. Not really a confession, I just wanted to tell someone.

Expecting at least one AI image of Col. H. Jones (with Farage at his side for bonus points) charging at Messi.

I’ve had a calendar reminder set for quite a while…

Went to see eldest’s allotment.

Conor McGregor won't see your posts making fun of his career-ending injury, but I will. Keep 'em coming!

he actually did the meme

Ahead of England v Norway in the World Cup, enjoy this classic from my old pal Patrick Kidd in The Times

*You don't much need the "classic choke points" when the drones can fly 500 miles and the Mediterranean itself is only 500 miles wide

☕️ 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 ‘𝐂𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞’ 𝐚𝐭 𝐒𝐆𝐒 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 & 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤. 1 in 8 young people aren’t in education, employment or training. We can’t see their talent & contribution lost. SGS’ David Withey shared some of their work supporting young people. I'll share local views with Govt

You know what would make the world a better place right now is if they announced a new season of Star Trek: Lower Decks. That would course-correct us just a little bit.

‘…we need to achieve a minimum of 40% street tree canopy cover, and preferably more, before we start to really feel the benefits of nature’s most advanced air-conditioning technology.’ Me, for Big Issue, on tackling urban #heatwaves…👇 www.bigissue.com/opinion/heat...

I have no idea where this came from, but

Definitely a secondary character in my dream remake of Sapphire & Steel, starring these two:

Youngest had a Jude’s chocolate Guinness milkshake. So today is boozy-sounding milkshake day.

When life gives you cherry kirsch ice cream, you make cherry kirsch milkshakes.

Just checking what I might feel like watching on Amazon (the only app still working on our older smart TV upstairs) instead of tonight’s foregone conclusion, and most of the films I had in mind have now gone from Prime.

RIP Dermot Murnaghan. His first frontman job was on the Channel 4 Daily, which he got to sign off succinctly.