A whistleblower just disclosed that FBI experts were delayed by AT LEAST A DAY in deploying to investigate Charlie Kirk’s assassination. Why? There was an FBI plane and pilot shortage… because Kash Patel was using them for personal flights.

furiously tapping the "public education is one of the most important issues in our time because literacy rates are plummeting" sign because this video identifies a key symptom: literally every dipshit internet argument ever.

A podcast asked me to record a voice note about my prediction for 2026 and here it is.

Dangerously In Love - Me, Myself, and I B'Day - Kitty Kat I Am... Sasha Fierce - Ego 4 - Party (ft. Andre 3000) Beyoncé - Haunted Lemonade - Love Drought The Gift - Find Your Way Back Renaissance - VIRGO'S GROOVE Cowboy Carter - RIIVERDANCE

Black american data mining is the number one way to know we are the most studied, dissected and observed ethnic group in the world. Doesnt matter what platform either. This creepy surveying behavior is found everywhere and its not good. Never answer questions like these. Never provide private info

Looking just like his daddy

Jennifer Lopez threatens to unleash new song with David Guetta

basically what I do for work is destroy my brain in pursuit of jokes that will make maximum half a dozen civil servants laugh. anyway

“Please be considerate of the small business owners that probably voted for Trump during this trying time where they have no customers because of armed goons kidnapping people on the streets” No. Thank you

They saw France bust down the doors of X for being pedophiles and immediately started developing the national sex crime VPN.

me wwhen i sleeby

Democrats Sick Of Being Blamed For Cowardice On Issues They Actually Just Don’t Care About https://theonion.com/democrats-sick-of-being-blamed-for-cowardice-on-issues-1847675639/

Oops, our U.S. data center partner just so happened have an outage that shadowbanned all left-wing political content on our platform for 48 hours. And this just so happened to coincide with us being purchased by one of Trump's friends. Our bad.

All the anti-war and anti-occupation protestors were right. All the far leftists were right. All the “woke scolds” and your friend who’s “too woke” were right. They were somehow even more right than they may have realized at the time. But really, it was always obvious they were right.

one of the reasons everybody hates late arrivals from the right or even the center is they're all weepy little idiots who want to be coddled and forgiven and make it everybody else's problem. shut up, figure out how to help fix what you broke, and stop writing thinkpieces

If you want to know what people mean when they say Democrats are "controlled opposition," rather than whipping votes against ICE funding, Hakeem Jeffries struck a deal with Republicans to allow Democrats to feign outrage at ICE while still funding the spending package.

Labour told me to leave because I was left wing. They said I was a flea that they were shaking off. They said if I didn't like it I knew where the door was. Today they accused the conservatives of operating an open border policy. They have open social media accounts showing arrests of migrants.

You're not a 'refugee' because you changed social media platforms, you're a narcissistic racist dickhead desperate to be able to feel like you've been oppressed too.

I've seen refugee aid efforts defeat multi-year occupations by regional / national police forces who deployed 30x the amount of resources. Hell I've been part of that. It is *very* possible. ICE's budget has a limit. Make them use it. ICE's morale has a limit. Make them lose it.

Truth be told if ICE came out with a new policy saying they will specifically not harm white people over the course of their operations, all the people who only started calling for the abolition of ICE this week would stand down and claim they "won"

Shit like this is EXACTLY why myself and so many others were sounding the alarm when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars.

My thoughts and prayers are with the families of all the posters who will get banned today. They made the ultimate sacrifice and we will honor their memories

being chronically late or constantly flaking on plans doesn't make you a bad friend. it's a real condition and should be given infinite grace by everyone in your life. being completely unreliable is nothing to be ashamed of. in fact, it may even make you more virtuous than people who are considerate

what is the appropriate legal response to finding out someone set your car on fire? "great googly moogly"?

We need every branded account to start developing crass strategies for bullying Elon Musk for easy clout. Chum the water. I don’t approve of brands but if the Charmin account tells him to put a gun in his mouth and that’s the thing that does it I’m exclusively buying that toilet paper for life.

i don't know if i've ever felt more hopeless than watching an elderly black man get dragged out of the room for calling out fascism while dozens of white people sat silently with their lollipop signs and watched and did nothing

he's literally pretending he can't see me

#LeoneAbbacchio #jjba #Jojo #VentoAureo

In a sentence never before uttered by humans, I am delighted to share that an alligator stole my conservation instructor’s hat by jauntily walking into the water while wearing it 🐊

New today: Megan Thee Stallion’s lawyers want to question Tory Lanez under oath in prison as part of their defamation and cyberstalking lawsuit against Milagro Cooper, who they say is working with Lanez. “Counsel for Ms. Cooper and Mr. Peterson do not oppose this request.”

It's no wonder America is falling out of the sky then: it has two right wings.

drake has died

Beyoncé and Taylor Swift dancing, the entire crowd screaming “A-minoooooor”, absolutely diabolical. Kendrick Lamar is a genius. Drake begged for this 💀

It’s pretty fucked up that China probably had some really intricate plan to become the worlds dominant superpower and now it’s just like “guess that was a big waste of time, didn’t even have to do anything”

We need this replacement fast-tracked! Get all of that government red tape safety bullshit out of the way PRONTO

the american experiment getting dismantled by a loathsome idiot billionaire rapist must hit so good for people living in countries that got dismantled by the american experiment

Democratic president on the way out the door: “Here’s another 8 billion dollars to finish annihilating Gaza” Democratic politicians at the midterms: “why aren’t the young folks down with the resistance?🤔🤔🤔🤷🏻🤷🏻🤷🏻”

so I tried that “just don’t sleep” method for making my 6 am flight and folks you’re not going to believe this but I’m physically seeing the horse that’s destined to kill me in 14 years

Giorno and his brothers #jjba

free luigi

Plastic Surgeon Tears New Wife Down To The Studs theonion.com/plastic-surg...

"Okay, get some snaps of that Mangione character, but you better not pull any bullshit where he looks like the subject in a 16th century painting called 'Christ taken at the Garden of Gethsemane'." "Okay, now don't be mad but..."

mr morale was basically kendrick's therapy album

the longer a manifesto gets, the more ammo you give to people who want to write you off as a crank. and in fairness writing a manifesto is generally crank behavior. good lesson in keeping it tight and locked down