And Creighton still wouldn’t have made it

How do you feel about Donald Trump's actions as president so far? [adjacent to an artful and flattering black-and-white sketch of me] Jon, 43, white "I no longer call it the Sun. I call it the Hot Moon. You cannot catch and eat the Hot Moon because it moves too fast because it is late for school."

We have to build Ballroom to protect the president from Jimmy Kimmel

The group chat reminded me that it is Berkshire Hathaway Shareholder Weekend this weekend. Godspeed to our brave service workers. Can we do an English Covid-style “clap for our caters” when the late shift ends and our brave bar staff go home without anyone tipping?

Has Congress considered that North Korea, Russia and Iran might be building a Ballroom as we speak? We MUST ADDRESS the Ballroom gap

the Mariners emo night shirt says "we write wins not tragedies" and I have to say: that's fuckin INSPIRED www.mlb.com/mariners/tic...

“Seconds Before Shooting” is a terrible name for a baby

this is the same type of posting they did when cracker barrel changed its logo

outfit repeater 🫵

I said “see you later, boi” as I passed this car, obviously

If you're a mutual and you plan on doing any heinous crimes please RT one of my better posts right beforehand so i can get "Taco Bell by weight" or whatever on the news

Sunday is now a SEVERE WEATHER DAY as we're expecting multiple rounds of strong to severe storms. First Round: 3-9 PM Second Round: 12 AM-6 AM

Seems reasonable, think about everything that the attendees needed to deliberately ignore in order to show up in the first place

oh do news reporters know what it's like to be a public school teacher now

Oh is a correspondentsball happening

*incredible* ten minutes for this rule

one down, four to go

Big congrats to this guy I guess

This tweet came 11 years, 6 months & 27 days into LeBron's career. It’s been 10 years & 11 months since the tweet & the fuckery continues

feeling self conscious about my tiny mantle length and the scrawny hood of my lower jaw

Ominous.

🚨 Tornado Warning issued April 23 at 1:51PM CDT until April 23 at 2:15PM CDT by NWS Omaha/Valley NE 🚨 Additional Details Here.

Feels and smells like a good storm’s a brewin’

A TORNADO WATCH has been issued for eastern Nebraska & western Iowa, including the Omaha & Lincoln area, until 7 PM today.

Now this is a Dave Begley mention I love to see!

Happy Earth Day; fuck you Neptune

the song “Fat Lip” and the movie ‘Shrek’ — two canonical statements of subcultural defiance — debuted 25 years ago today

seriously, get rid of your crap

My diary from 1998 after I found Star Wars for the first time:

@cdulaney85.bsky.social happy birthday!

You can’t do that to rural voters! What are they, black people? bsky.app/profile/coll...

They think you're stupid.

Every time Matt Damon takes on a period role he ends up looking like a third baseman for the Phillies.

Rest now, brother. We have the watch, and we’ll see you in Valhalla

Ah shit the giant snapping turtle at Aksarben Aquarium died. RIP Big Snap Daddy

Talk about a fowl ball, amirite

this will be really fun to watch whether you're a fan of fencing or Drugs

math nerds celebrate on 1/5

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means? ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

"Incandescent with rage." Oh really? Well, I'm LED with apathy

Dudes rock

Lock the fuck in, Gumshoes. Carmen Sandiego stole a priceless wax pressing of "One of These Nights" by the Eagles. You've got to stop her before she travels back in time to 149 BC Carthage and trades it to Scipio Africanus the Younger for a kilo of the good shit. *Rockapella bops on stage*

Feels like everything sucks and you have to make City favorites right now, but that was the best performance and most fight Arsenal have shown in weeks, not convinced it’s over yet.

They’ve been holding these charity events for 40 years and yet they still haven’t found a cure for wrestlemania. I’m starting to think the whole thing is a scam

@akgrl33.bsky.social does the zoo have a Roseate Spoonbill

“How can you live in Nebraska it’s so conservative” Meanwhile in small town Nebraska: