I do love LA and I look forward to returning, but I have a question for LA transplants: At what point will I stop “hearing” Randy Newman?👂🪱😎

Probably the rudest thing about time zone changes is finding yourself wide awake for no good reason at 6am ON A SUNDAY!

In case anyone’s wondering how I’m doing right now, my plane just landed and I’m legit wondering if anyone would notice if I wear my airline blanket as a Pashmina tonight. 😎 #SaturdayThoughts

Nothing says excellent judgment like pardoning 1,600 people and then watching about 1 in 16 promptly get arrested again for everything from DUIs to homicide. But sure, these are “great people," just with a habit of committing crimes once the consequences are removed. newrepublic.com/post/211391/...

He's a master of distracting us from crimes he's already committed by continuously committing new crimes. 5 months until the Midterms. #AccountabilityIsComing

Same. But TBF, unless folks really don’t want to get where they’re going (or they don’t mind taking the most circuitous route possible) I wouldn’t suggest following me either.

Holy shnikies— I’m goin’ to California tomorrow! 🍀😎

It's real! Too many people to thank, but I'm feeling so very grateful for the years of conversation, learning, and generosity that made this book possible. More about the book below --

Status update: Building a massive catapult to launch myself into the sun.

#UnpopularOpinion I miss old-school hashtag games on Twitter. Don’t miss hosting. Don’t miss nerdy in-fighting. Definitely don’t miss the egos & occasional weirdness. I do miss the creativity, wordplay & laughs. Maybe I’m not Bluesky-ing right but this app still feels like yelling into a void. 😕

well, plunder me nuggets

When someone believes that a psychopathic pedophile like Donald Trump should be president, it calls into question their morality and their sanity.

If only someone could figure out how to make milk safe to drink! It'd be such a big deal the process would be named after them.

She was all catty, no wampus

🐰🐰

Holy shit. He’s bragging about taking a FOURTH dementia test! 👀

To be clear... I love all y'all bitches. ❤️❤️❤️🤌

Misogyny goes unnoticed? Maybe by you, NPR, but certainly *not* by women.

Dinosaurs last words probably:

Many young Republicans claim that James Talarico’s vegan girlfriend is not as attractive as their own Canadian girlfriends.

You know what we don't talk enough about? Queen & Annie Lennox/David Bowie rehearsing 'Under Pressure' in 1992. So much going on! Everyone's clothes, Bowie with a lit cig throughout, where Annie PROPER GOES FOR IT, George Michael singing along in the background. The amazing vocals. Yes, please!

Be kind to yourself but also be so for real

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day for May 30 is "unctuous": www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-...

Facts 👇👇👇

Fe fi fo fum, I smell toxic positivity!

You must understand, AI doesn't understand truth or reality or facts. It's job is to generate something that could resemble an answer, that's it. That's why relying on it for facts or accuracy is an incredibly bad fucking idea

Posted without comment.

This is what Trump's done to the people's house: A third of it is rubble. Another third is a cage match. What a metaphor.

I didn't get a seal of approval. I got the walrus of worries and the sea lion of self doubt

This administration can’t even competently put together a concert, but they thought they could win a war?

I think maybe I’ll start watching the sneak preview episodes on Friday nights. Yeah, it’s annoying to watch only PART of a new episode but a gal can only stand to watch so much “stupid” in one evening. 🤨 #90DayFiance

I’ve been following this story and I’m glad that BS got dismissed, but I’m begging you, Huffpost, please have somebody (an editor, an intern, literally ANYBODY) read these headlines out loud to themselves before posting. 🤦🏼‍♀️ www.huffpost.com/entry/florid...

Humble people really pump my nads.

I swear, my neighbor is committed to only running his leaf blower before 7 AM on weekends when you’re trying to sleep or after 7 PM when you’re trying to sit outside and maybe eat dinner in peace. If anyone sees “woman arrested for shoving leaf blower up neighbor’s ass” on the news, that was me.

I’m a little chilly, but I can’t get up to get a sweatshirt because there’s a dog asleep on my foot. I can’t move. It’s the law.

BRING BACK THE BIG BUDGET SUMMER ROMCOM

Stephen Miller is such an exceptionally ugly fuck he looks like what would happen if Sméagol had sex with a boiled hotdog.

🧵 1/2 I love the show #SharkTank. I keep thinking should just apply. I come up with unsustainable business ideas for niche products almost nobody would want all the time! “Do you hate running out of breadcrumbs? Do you hate cleaning your sofa cushions?

Here are four reasons to have one hand in your pocket while the other one's: •1. givin' a high five •2. flickin' a cigarette •3. givin' a peace sign •4. hailin' a taxi cab

I

I continue to be amazed by the new ways this administration finds to threaten the whole nation's economic survival, simply in order to be seen as sufficiently cruel to a given group of people

Longest, loudest booing in U.S. history? I’m counting on you, Knicks fans.

Double what he ^should* be paying or what he actually pays? If it’s double what he’s supposed to be paying (and he’d never live up to it anyhow) I say let’s try it and see who it helps. One thing’s for certain, it wouldn’t hurt Jeff Bezos.

We can end this in 159 days if we get a supermajority. It won't happen if you don't vote.

“… but what if we did ‘Fyre Festival’ meets ‘Woodstock 1999’ meets ‘Nuremberg rally’…?” 🤢

Why do people do this? I mean I’m not buying they don’t know it’s rude as well as illegal. Stop parking in handicapped parking or the additional space to get wheelchairs or walkers out. #pinks #accessibility #disabilities #ADA #DoNotBeAnA$$hole

There will never not be a time when this isn't true. And it goes triple for you fucks wanting to constantly belittle other people's joy. Just go away.

Paula manifested a grown man who sleeps on a futon?! 🤨 #90DayFiance

Mallorie: All my friends are really big bigots… but you’re gonna love America, Rasit. Promise! #90DayFiance