Born-again Christians believe in free speech… until you say something intelligent that’s supported with logic and facts.

THE NEW TEN COMMANDMENTS Thou shalt not… Build mega churches Abolish science Ban vaccines Hate gays Own assault weapons Believe Fox News Ban books Protect pedophiles Worship a MAGA dictator Use God to divide the nation

Evangelicals are convinced the Rapture is near. I, for one, will be glad to see them go.

It is baffling that in the age of instant worldwide communication, the Lord still chooses to give believers a sign by having the image of Jesus appear on a piece of toast. God moves in mysterious ways, indeed.

Born-again Christians ignore most of the Bible and instead, pick and choose the passages that make them feel superior to others. That creates their self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitude as they try to force everyone to dumb down to their level.

Listening to Trump lie about autism gave me a headache. Where’s the Tylenol?

I believe it is God’s will that I make fun of His followers. Although it’s not easy doing the Lord’s work, I am proud to be his humble servant. So, until they disappear in the Rapture, I will do the Almighty’s bidding and ridicule evangelicals at every opportunity. I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Thin-skinned evangelicals have consistently shown that jokes and satire can hurt their delicate feelings. Poor babies. In a world filled with suffering that deserves their attention, they choose instead to focus on “mean” humor. Jesus Christ! Gimme a break.

An inside source confirms that the Rapture will occur a week from Tuesday, weather permitting. Believers are encouraged to pray for blue skies and light winds. BON VOYAGE!

Whenever Trump gets pissed off with the negative fallout from his idiotic decisions, he always blames someone else. He knows it could never be his fault. His God complex exempts him from human error… Mental illness is a bitch.

Evangelicals passionately believe in free speech… as long as you agree with their delusions.

Religious faith is the opposite of critical thinking. Or, put another way, it’s the embrace of willful ignorance. To disregard facts while clinging to a make-believe fantasy indicates a person does not possess a firm grasp on reality.

SPIRITUAL ETIQUETTE: Never gargle the Communion wine.

Mega churches make mega bucks off of mega suckers. TAX FREE!

If RFK Jr. remains the Secretary of Health and Human Services, it will be because it’s God’s will. Which means the Lord intends to thin the herd.

Look at the bright side. Anti-vaxxers won’t be around as long as the rest of us. Every cloud has a silver lining.

What happened to Jimmy Kimmel is no joke. I just hope he doesn’t end up homeless. You know what Fox News wants to do to those folks.

With MAGA evangelicals, you get two batshit crazy cults for the price of one!

Something you will never see: Donald Trump walking out of a Mensa meeting.

Having troops with weapons patrol the streets of DC does not increase safety. However, it does increase the risk of fascism destroying our democracy.

I hope a certain Fox host never ends up homeless. I wouldn’t want him to suffer the same fate as my sick cat when I took him to the vet.

Evangelicals fervently beseech Jesus to protect them - but in case that doesn’t work, they own as many guns as possible. They figure faith is fine, but it’s best to lock and load.

And when Jesus saw that evangelicals did not care that Donald Trump was a pedophile, He said unto them, “Oh, my God! WTF?”

People sometimes ask why I have the comments turned off. The answer is simple; I don’t need to be told 500 times a day that I’m going to hell. I’ve heard that threat my entire life. So, if my posts offend you, do the adult thing and just move along. In other words, turn the other cheek.

Crossing your fingers for good luck increases the power of prayer.

Mental illness is nothing to laugh at unless you’re talking about evangelicals. Those crazy lunatics are hilarious.

Religion encourages intolerance, fear, judgment, discrimination, gender inequality, homophobia, racism, and hate. The one thing it does not encourage is CRITICAL THINKING.

If Jesus were to return today, He’d be an immigrant and arrested by ICE.

God created the heavens and the earth, as well as cancer, smallpox, malaria, HIV, tuberculosis, cholera, influenza, polio, COVID-19, syphilis, Typhus, leprosy, Ebola, Bubonic plague, irritable bowel syndrome, and genital warts… He likes to stay busy.

Evangelicals pray for God to heal the nation, while at the same time, they wait for the Rapture to take them away from it all. Well, you can’t have it both ways. Either you want to stay or you want to go. Just make up your mind already.

The success of Fox News is dependent on the viewership of people who will literally believe anything. That includes MAGA nuts, religious nuts, gun nuts, anti-vaxxer nuts, and people who are just plain NUMBNUTS.

Religion provides a person with the perfect pretext to embrace sexism, racism, and homophobia. So much for “Love each other, as I have loved you.”

When a Fox host apologizes for saying that individuals who are homeless should be killed by lethal injection, does that mean he is now woke?

Conservative evangelicals strive to be Christlike. Therefore, they must believe that if Jesus, the Prince of Peace, were here right now, He would be the proud owner of an AR-15. A weapon that can kill 30 children in 60 seconds. Praise the Lord, and pass the ammo!

MAGA is popular with people who have more guns than teeth.

Born-again Christians are more than happy to stand in judgment of anyone who dares to embrace critical thinking. However, it is ridiculous for them to believe that God created the human brain, but He doesn’t want you to use it.

Brainwashing doesn’t happen at a gay wedding. It doesn’t happen at a drag show. And it doesn’t happen at a parade celebrating trans rights. The most evil form of brainwashing happens in a church.

This week is absolute proof that guns make us safe, unless you’re in a public place. Then you’re taking your life in your hands.

It turns out the GOD and GUNS crowd doesn’t like it when one of their own is the victim of a senseless shooting. But each time innocent children are shot at school, conservatives ridicule the Left for having empathy and feeling outrage. Their hypocrisy is pathetic.

It’s ironic the way MAGA is always praying, “God bless America!” while they slowly destroy it with their mind-numbing ignorance.

Evangelicals have the right to believe any deranged, unhinged craziness they want. But they do not have the right to force it to be taught in public classrooms.

Wishing and prayer are interchangeable. They both have the same power.

Born-again Christians want to force a woman to deliver a baby that will not be vaccinated, will not learn about science, and will never read a banned book. They believe everyone should be as ignorant as they are.

God loves you! But He went ahead and created eternal damnation anyway.

Cabinet members are routinely issued lip balm before meeting with Trump so they can kiss his ass… and, of course, Vance also gets eyeliner.

It’s not surprising that, according to the Bible, no one was ever healed by reattaching a missing limb. Not an arm or a hand, or a leg, or a foot. Not so much as a diabetic toe.

Conservatives constantly preach that guns keep us safe… but apparently not in Utah.

Trump’s press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, likes to pray before a White House briefing, petitioning the Lord to please make her lies sound believable. But that is a miracle even the Almighty can’t perform.

If a person has multiple personalities, and one of them is a born-again Christian but the other is an atheist, I don’t think that individual will get into heaven. You’re supposed to be totally committed to the Lord. You can’t half-ass your way into glory.

It turns out that “thoughts and prayers” are no more help for a Conservative activist than they are for innocent children in their classrooms.