The fact that Trump is serving a second term is proof that God does NOT answer prayer.

Born-again Christians believe that prayer is a magical way to get whatever they want without having to put out any effort. Wow! If only that were true.

Death is the great equalizer. No matter how unhinged a person’s religious beliefs happen to be, they end up just as dead as a nonbeliever.

Because the skies are less crowded due to the decrease in air traffic resulting from the government shutdown, this would be a good time for the Rapture to occur.

Evangelicals believe everything happens for a reason. Or it’s meant to be. Or it’s God’s will. Or they’ve lost their grip on reality. I’ll go with the latter.

Born-again Christians believe the Bible is the literal word of God. But they prefer to pick and choose which verses are the easiest to follow.

And Jesus said unto them, “What the hell?! You actually believed an elderly, bright orange, morbidly obese psychopath was the right person to put in the White House? I swear to God, you idiots will believe ANYTHING!”

As Jesus fed the multitudes with five loaves and two fish, grumbling could be heard sweeping through the crowd. “How can this be a miracle? There’s NO tartar sauce!”

When Jesus was a young boy, before He learned how to walk on water, He was frequently seen in the river Jordan wearing, ironically, rainbow-themed floaties.

Every person believes their god is the right god, and your god is the wrong god. Oh, my god! It’s the goddamn god game.

If God is omnipotent, why does He always need money to keep the church doors open? You would think that the Almighty could learn to live on a budget. After all, with just one kid, He doesn’t have a lot of mouths to feed.

God did not create man. Man created God.

It’s not that evangelicals want to go to heaven; it's that they don’t want to go to hell. To live this life, which is real, in fear of the next life, which is imaginary, is not an indication of good mental health.

People who DO NOT BELIEVE vaccines prevent illness, but DO BELIEVE prayer can stop bullets in a school shooting, have lost touch with reality - and that makes all of us less safe.

When you see an image of Jesus on a piece of toast, it’s a sign from God to scramble some eggs to go with it.

Freedom of religion means you have the right to practice your faith. But it does not mean you have the right to make your beliefs the law of the land.

Incredibly, the Antichrist turned out to be a bright orange, morbidly obese, babbling old man with the worst comb-over in history, who conned millions of gullible idiots into following him. But worst of all, this evil buffoon has the nuclear codes.

Freedom of religion includes the freedom to ridicule religion. It is a right that should be embraced with enthusiasm!

When a baseball player crosses the plate after hitting a home run, points up to the sky, and thanks God, it makes you wonder why the same God decided to screw the pitcher.

When a Christian is “born again”, is it ever by cesarean?

Religious freedom does not give someone the right to force their faith on others. To put it another way, intelligent people who are living with a firm grasp on reality should not be expected to embrace the fantasy world of the ignorant.

LITTLE KNOWN BIBLE FACT: There were three substitute apostles named Norbert, Deshawn, and Fred.

No matter how hard you pray, everyone you love will die anyway. Have a blessed day!

And Jesus said unto them, “What the hell?! You actually believed an elderly, bright orange, morbidly obese psychopath was the right person to put in the White House? I swear to God, you idiots will believe ANYTHING!”

The thief on the cross said to Jesus, “WOW! It’s almost like we’re flying!”

When Jesus was a young boy, before He learned how to walk on water, He was frequently seen in the river Jordan wearing, ironically, rainbow-themed floaties.

Christians believe they are saved by Grace. Whoever she is.

My religious friend lost nine fingers in a lawn mower accident. But always faithful, he thanked the Lord that he could still point.

Anti-science evangelicals cannot wait to spend eternity with Jesus. But when push comes to shove, they become desperate for the life-saving treatments and surgeries that can prolong their time on earth.

When a Christian is “born again”, is it ever by cesarean?

Evangelicals need to gather together in the Lord’s house because cult members find comfort in being with others who share their delusions.

If the threat of hell is the only reason you try to be a good person, then you are being manipulated by fear, not a sense of morality.

Born-again Christians love to tell people what to believe because they have an overwhelming need to convince others that their religious delusions are real. But we shouldn’t have to suffer to make them feel good. It’s not our fault they’re idiots.

Religion is a hopeless attempt to escape reality. And because believers know better, they are extremely sensitive to ridicule, which is why it’s so much fun to point out their laughable hypocrisy.

Evangelicals are going to regret all that tithing if God turns out to be a bisexual multiracial woman with beautiful tattoos and piercings, who is more than happy to send MAGA morons straight to hell.

If the Bible is really the literal word of God, you’d think the Almighty could’ve made it a little more entertaining by at least having it rhyme.

Evangelicals love to judge the morality of other people. However, they do not like being judged as ignorant because of their lack of intelligence. The “turn-or-burn” crowd would be well advised to heed a verse from their favorite work of fiction: JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED.

Born-again Christians feel compelled to convert nonbelievers because they want everyone to feel as guilty and fearful as they do. After all, misery loves company.

The driving force in religion is not love; it’s guilt. To make a person believe something ridiculous, you have to make them feel scared and useless. You have to destroy their self-esteem and render them incapable of thinking for themselves. In short, they have to be brainwashed.

Freedom of religion includes the freedom to ridicule religion. It is a right that should be embraced with enthusiasm!

Born-again Christians need to learn that freedom of speech applies equally to everyone, even to those who disagree with them. That includes rational, intelligent people who support science and education and refuse to be deceived by the insanity of religion.

It’s interesting how quickly angelic Christian love transforms into wicked self-righteous joy when evangelicals gleefully declare that nonbelievers are going to burn in eternal hell.

When Trump dies, evangelicals believe he will go to heaven to sit next to Jesus. But heaven can’t drop its standards that low. If they let Donald in, it will stop being paradise and turn into hell.

When it comes to gun violence, prayers will not save a child. But banning assault weapons would save the lives of countless children. However, in America, prayer prevails over common sense, so tragically, more devastated families will eventually lower their sons and daughters into the ground.

Freedom of religion means you have the right to practice your faith. But it does not mean you have the right to make your beliefs the law of the land.

Incredibly, the Antichrist turned out to be a bright orange, morbidly obese, babbling old man with the worst comb-over in history, who conned millions of gullible idiots into following him. But worst of all, this evil buffoon has the nuclear codes.

These are some of God’s creations: * Flowers * Puppies * Sunsets * Oceans * Trees * Butterflies * Mountains * Rainbows ALSO - * Cancer * AIDS * Ebola * Tuberculosis * Smallpox * Malaria * Coronavirus * Syphilis You get the bad with the good.

If God didn’t answer millions of desperate prayers to stop the Holocaust, chances are He is not going to answer your prayers to win the Powerball jackpot.

Their religious freedom is no more important than our freedom from religion.