good night

everything is shitty and i’m going to air fry a cheese toastie about it

*finding something so out of date in the fridge you consult a calendar just to check it’s not a big misunderstanding*

Are women ruining my sandwich? The answer might surprise you!

nope

when you’re at your limit at work and some new bullshit starts so you just ignore it

Ch-ch-cchinges (Turn and face the strain) Ch-ch-cchinges (Don't want to be a richer man) 🎶

There’s been a misalignment of the transverse phase shifters powering the TransUniversal Cat Portal (tm) leading to Pootle emerging as Bad Pootle. Lord help us.

the best thing about smart appliances is that the next time you’re in a public building and it doesn’t have wifi you can be like “you don’t have wifi? my *toaster* has wifi”

making dinner , ever heard of it?

such remember. so gunpowder. much plot. very treason. wow

i’ve got a very inconvenient injury (lucy didn’t do it she is just in the frame. not in the frame legally, in the frame of the photo. she is innocente)

lucy got that tuesday feeling again

danny boyle’s 127 Units (2010)

Lads Lads Lads Beef Wellingtons

pituitary would be a beautiful name for a girl

I long for the days when I could make it 1, maybe 2, or even 3 days without receiving an email.

show us your saved posts. mine are… exactly what you’d expect

fucked it*, lads *your mum

creamy spicy gochujang king prawns 🍤

Right then, Christmas is coming and my goosey ass is getting broke not fat, so: Does anyone want to buy a used guitar pedal? Cheap cheap. All been on my board and gigged at some point, but didn't make the cut. DMs open for interested parties. Or any parties really, I do like a cake.

“per my last email” is so passive aggressive, have you considered replacing it with a “riddle me this, batman”

status: continuing to kill it with my jumper game

this is how i am going to look every time someone dislikes one of my posts

no offence amazon but you sound like a basic bitch rn

i’ve had a cold and as of yesterday the snot and stuff seemed better but all of my muscles started hurting. and when i say all it’s like yes all the big ones (all the hits) like arms legs hips etc, but even the little muscles around my eyes hurt when i close them and today they still hurt 😤😤

lucy is scared of the fireworks already pls shush now

i have a new Art

🐈‍⬛💬 worship me and tell me I’m pretty

goodbye my small orange son, your time is over 😭

this is so bizarre to me bc i don’t… like… penises? i mean i have sex with men but if i could do that without ever looking at another dick i probably would

Die Hard

trick or treat tonite 👀 trick or treat tonight queen??

The name’s Bond,

Feeling in the mood for something spooky? Did you even know that I published a zine of ghost stories and you can buy it, and even read it? Well now you do.

happy halloween lads

images were invented by a guy named steve getty his wife spag, invented pasta little knowledge thursday there for you all

Have taken a leaf out of the book of @traceyno.bsky.social Flipping brilliant.

Would like to present this ultimate example of traditional British cuisine my step brother had with family at The Alma pub in Wandsworth, a shin of beef with Yorkshire pudding called Thor’s Hammer. Apparently it’s for 3-4 people. I’m sure there’s some people who can down it in one blow..I mean go…

i’ve started making a flask of tea to go with my cup of tea so i can have two teas without moving from the sofa and i finally feel like im winning at life

You better homecheck yourself before you homewreck yourself.

So what did you get your cat for #NationalCatDay… it’s not too late to treat your favourite feline to a lap mat or even a cat sofa! All at sale prices! craftysharp.etsy.com

new autumnal jumper just dropped

i might look like i’m pretty on top of things (stop laughing yes i do) but every morning i boil my hands the first time i wash them bc i somehow forget that it’s a mixer tap and that “warm” is an option and i realise my mistake very late into the process, like as im leaving the bathroom late

axa pee pee pee

they’ve changed the blue and it feels more of a - hear me out - condescending shade of blue. no further questions