I'm not mysterious. I'm discreet. There's a difference

Are squats cardio? Science says yes, but these fitness influencers disagree

Crossing Batman and Man-Bat raises the possibility of both Bat-Bat and Manman

AYN RAND: it is Rational and in fact Noble to care only for one's self because who knows if anyone else is even Real with an inner life like you, plus you're the Main Guy so your happiness is like the whole world is happy NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATHS: wow what an interesting and totally New belief system

My knees are knocking but you can't come in

Some say Vader didn't earn his redemption, but I say everyone deserves a second chance, and that's why we here at the Comedy Mothership have booked him for a 6 night run

"I have to run your credit," he said as he set it loose upon the streets of Pamplona

Skill issue.

fellas, is it a good sign when the Queen has to join the army reserves?

Pronouncing CIA like see ya

Dopamine is released in the brain in response to sensory pleasure, positive stimuli, enjoyable adventures, spending time with loved ones, or rewarding activities. If those don't sound right for you, gambling also releases dopamine.

Went to the doctor today with a list of demands

Just finished Star Wars Outlaws and I'm reminded that the key to enjoying any form of media is to completely ignore what other people say about it

One of the reasons you can't depend on local police to take a stand against ICE is that they've wanted to kick in your door without a warrant for decades

I think the major tactical error they're making here is in thinking they can scare Americans. Americans don't get scared, political affiliation notwithstanding, they get obstinate. Let us unite in our obstinacy

I wrote about my childhood friend Alexi Pretti. Please read it and share it and remember him as a human being. @theverge.com

The toughest people these ICE/BP guys have ever encountered are a male nurse, a lesbian poet, some grandmas, and folks in little cars like a Honda Fit. It's shattering their worldview and sense of self. Wasn't supposed to be this way. The podcasters and X posters and supplement sellers said so.

This is perhaps slightly off-color and a little too "big picture" for a day when something so horrifying has happened, but it is startlingly to me just how over their skis and pushed to the limits the feds are by one medium sized urban area.

sorry, but the Founding Fathers' original intent for the 2nd Amendment was always *just* to do school shootings

Democrats: we can’t talk about ICE. We need to focus on affordability! We can only talk about affordability! MR. AFFORDABILITY: abolish ICE

I know America is a violent and too often unfair place, but that's not how most of us like to see ourselves, and that's why I think really leaning into the whole "we are the party of brutal, selfish lowlives, AND WE'RE PROUD OF IT" thing is gonna backfire in the end

Well that's another 10 million radicalized

You can tell things are going well in America because accounts with names like MovieTVFunZone are posting things like, "THE PIGS ARE KIDNAPPING CHILDREN AND PRIESTS. THE TREE OF LIBERTY DEMANDS TO BE WATERED"

Look, I believe in casts, but if a parent has strongly-held anti-cast beliefs, they should be allowed to let their kid’s broken arm grow back all floppy and fucked up, even to the point of lifelong, debilitating pain. And that’s not child abuse because a kid’s bones are their parents’ property

If they steal a child you’ll have bingo

Can't pass recruitment tests, can't pass driving tests

My retirement plan is to keep destroying boxes and barrels until I find enough gold coins

YOU HAVE PROVIDED MUCH SHAREHOLDER VALUE THIS PAY CYCLE HERE IS A TOKEN SO THAT YOU MAY FEED AND HOUSE YOURSELF

How lucky is JD Vance's forthcoming baby that he will see his father less than any of us for at least his first few years of life

With apologies to Jayne Cobb, the board of peace sounds like the board these guys want you beaten with until you rest in peace

I often misread Davos as Davros, which is fine because Davros would feel right at home there

If you say Greg Bovino backwards, he's banished to the Unseelie Court for 24 hours

Winnie the Pooh sings You Can Leave Your Hat On. No need to thank me, it's what I'm here for

I honestly can't conceive of how much of a pissant a person would have to be to willingly work for ICE. That's it, that's the post

Just pretended everything was fine for 47 minutes. New record. Gonna go again now.

Let’s talk about abolishing ICE. Very few people who say “abolish ICE” mean “abandon all immigration enforcement.” Rather, they mean “the structure of immigration enforcement is irretrievably broken and needs to be reorganized, just like we did 23 years ago when we created ICE.” /1

Sometimes, when bad things happen in the world, I blame myself. Not sure if this is the sign of a guilt complex or profound narcissism

Theoden (to a crowd of wine moms and seasoned leftist organizers): Let this be the hour when we draw swords together

Anyone who supports ICE and the current administration would've said the victims of the Boston Massacre had it coming and rooted for the violent suppression of the original Tea Partiers

greg bovino looks like a wizard fucked up a spell to make Lord Farquaad a real boy

"Outback Steakhouse: No Rules, Just Right" replaced an earlier slogan, "Outback Steakhouse: Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law"

sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic

i tried to steal candy from a baby and it shot me with a gun

It's fitting that Homan resembles, but is not, "human"

What I think of when I think of Bill Ackman

i have a license to kill but like for being annoying instead of killing

Whenever I see a Marcus Aurelius quote I'm like, yeah, it makes sense that the richest, most powerful guy on the planet would tell others to know their place and be chill