The Butt-Head in me recognizes the Beavis in you

Hey man, we cool? I just noticed that when I look at you the reticle turns red.

Happy 420 to those who celebrate

what does thickened water even feel like?

got too high and started listening to the sonic 2 soundtrack the vibes are immaculate

this polar cranberry lime seltzer is making me feel alive again

wow! friends!

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thats exactly how it feels to have a job

apparently we're gonna start doing weekend brunch service and im ngl that has me very worried how they're gonna handle scheduling us for that

3D map of the Chongqing Metro that shows the elevation and decline of each line, with some essentially looking like roller coasters (Chongqing is the Chinese city that went viral for showing how you could be on the ground floor but then walk a bit and be on the 22nd floor, due to the hilly terrain)

i never drink milk what if my skeleton gets too strong and escapes

Three Penis Outside Ebbing, Missouri

forgot the most important of the genre

i would chow down on a quaalude rn if anyone fucking cares

i hope this email blows your tits clean off

these tattoos always make me think that dillon brooks is a huge wikipedia fan

a cop telling me "my EYES are up HERE" because I'm staring intently at his gun

no one is doing it like jd vance, a loser across three continents in a single weekend

was once New Amsterdam.

wore a proper insole and compression socks during my shift tonight and I can actually walk without limping afterwards. what a world.

Graveyard Keeper is a great little sim game, such a shame

I like how videogames are named things like Persona 4 Arena Golden Stand Alone Complex so you don’t know if you bought the game 7 years ago or if this is the only way to actually finish the story

i have very rapidly become incapable of thinking about anything that isn’t this video

that one regular that always stays really late and doesn't tip very well came in tn and I was just like:

fucking CALLED IT

When the government agrees not to destroy all human life for no reason for at least two weeks

Our Old Fashioned batch needed a new label

telling a distiller friend of mine to hit up my service manager about stockinh the distillery's new gin because it's good and means I can drink it all the time

I drank a THC drink one of the line cooks gave me at the end of service and unlike the rest of the world I'm straight gassed

The year is 2027. Hakeem Jeffries steps out of his nuclear bunker for the first time in almost a year in full hazmat gear. His fingertips are stained with graphite and marred by thousands of papercuts. In his hand he holds the most strongly worded letter ever written in all of history.

[The Apollo 11 plaque] reads: "We came in peace for all Mankind." As the United States was dropping 7 ½ megatons of conventional explosives on small nations in Southeast Asia, we congratulated ourselves on our humanity. We would harm no one on a lifeless rock. - Carl Sagan

If you find yourself getting a little too freaked out about nukes, which fwiw I doubt will happen, turn off bluesky and go do other things you like. Take a day off posting. If something Big happens, you'll find out anyway - you don't need to spend the day in an anxiety feedback loop.

oh cool so they're gonna set off nukes and then say it was Iran who used them and would you look at that looks like we were right about Iran having nukes in the first place

“the pharaoh’s tomb is cursed! the necromancer’s ring is cursed! the witch’s grimoire is cursed!” that’s how you sound. everything is fucking cursed with you bro. i don’t care. i’m taking this skull.

Zelda is actually the name of the princess. The character you control is Zelda's Monster.

Fuck Easter, Jesus deserved it

11 hours and the servers got cut way before us my godddd i am livid

𝙼𝙴𝚁𝚁𝚈

Repost if you're a true Believer, and aren't afraid to post The Lord Our Savior on your timeline!!

Hoooo boy are my dogs barking and I just hobbled out of bed. This brunch service is gonna suuuuuuck

I have to work brunch tomorrow and I just left work 😩

Communism is when you expect someone to take workplace safety seriously and the more serious they take it the more communist it is