You’re in her DMs at 7 AM saying GM

friend: are you ok? me: are you kidding me friend: what me: i'm on like year seven of not being ok...... are YOU ok?

I'm really into aromatherapy, if the aroma is weed and coffee.

You hide in enough bushes and leer into enough windows, you see some real creepy people.

just paid $7 for a coffee so I could sit in the café and use their wifi to google “how to make coffee at home.”

havin' a piss ??????

Diseased fool. Go away.

i dont want to taste boy ass again

My thesaurus brings all the ladies to the green.

On the island of Hawaii, the lava is floor.

im sniffin that taste

Please stare at my tits

*lifeguard* ITS NOT A RACE !!!!!!!!

nephew: this game is chaos daughter: your mom is chaos nephew: uno reverse your mom me:😬

babe do you wanna a banana? *yawning drinking a milkshake*

“WHO YOU CALLING A BUNCH OF PANSIES?!?”

*sees my mom* VERY NICE

ive been blasting a vape for 75 years

people are getting off

I’ve never had a bird get in the house so I guess that’s something.

i like my YOLOs to be plausible

i take on turmoil so i can sleep

dang being a loner people think ur a loner

sex is so great lets make our lives about it huh?

Forgot the word for “lobotomy” and called it “piece of mind.”

It’s Friday night, please hold me

stop asking me to go to happy hour. there’s no way i can be happy for an entire hour

"How do you know if you have worms," you ask. Well, I am pretty sure they would tell you.

*friends throw a party for me* hold on i gotta go home to get my klonopin

falling to the floor when someone said hi

Nice ass! Does it fart well?

Sometimes I fear I have too many social skills

im sick of letters and numbers

stupid frog outside at night grunts like the stupidest cartoon man noise constantly wow wow

how much coffee do i need to drink before i’m able to levitate

a cute girl once mentioned tooting in the bath and i just ^ _ ^

Women in the US rn

didnt have to hold in too many farts in town earlier

wheres my vape in my pocket

my mom doesnt give a crap

HOLY FUCKIN SHIT AN ANGEL SAID COZY TO ME

T00+$ zm377 vreally vreaaaallly baaaaad

im riddling an utterest extravo

girl chill i can smell ur farts