i didn’t know he was gay. ferris bueller youre my hero

Speak ill of the dead. Speak ill of the alive. Speak ill of the fictional. Speaking ill rocks

Damn it now I have to watch Zodiac again.

50 gates of understanding, 49 are closed

#BCBD2B

the thing about me is that i’m really very pretty

Psychotically chanting "God will reward my suffering with fat naturals" with such conviction that eventually the rest of the people in the Greyhound bus join in

if two princes kneel before you and one says he always lies if the other only tells the truth and you only ask one question just go ahead now

I can mimic the famous mating call of the cicada by rapidly vibrating the membranes of my tymbal organ together

are the spin doctors in network for medicaid?

#430F19

Today is the birthday of artist Joe Shuster (July 10, 1914-July 30, 1992). Co-creator of Superman, as well as Lois Lane, Lex Luthor, Doctor Occult, Slam Bradley, & more. #Superman

ain’t never been punk but there’s always tomorrow try and try to find anger but always pull sorrow

I like to try and come up with backstories for the guys on the Abbey Road cover. How do these four guys all know each other?

I know the Aspiration stuff is gonna get all the attention, but when Adam Silver meets with the media in a week, someone needs to ask him if believes it's okay for the owner of an NBA team to be keeping a registry of his fans' sexualities, because this is just demented stuff.

You thought regular 9/11 was bad?

if you’re over 6 feet tall i think subway train pole dancing is a little dangerous for the 40 year old transsexuals in the audience

Dig if you will A picture of you, girl Finding the fiercest way to live We could ride all day in a one horse open sleigh And that's exactly what we did And that's exactly what we did

anton chigurh: heads or tails. you must chose. me: is that a Prince Valiant cut? anton: yeah it used to have more volume me: you want to use something light on it, no silicone-heavy washes and of course... both of us (laughing): blow dry from the roots! me: alright heads anton: it's tails

if Subway Takes wins an emmy it will really challenge my long-held belief that it's impossible to lose any more respect for the emmys

remembering a time as a child at a jack in the box when a homeless man came up to our table and asked for money or food and my dad offered him our fries. he said no thanks and took our onion rings. so i guess beggars can be choosers, under the right circumstances.

Could be us

Bill looks like he is the only one who can see the credits and he is TERRIFIED ABOUT IT

honestly rate yourself: -looks 10/10 -personality 10/10 -intelligence 10/10 -flight 10/10 -super breath 10/10 -grip on reality 10/10 -speed 10/10 -max vertical 38” -height 68” -wingspan 70” -jump shot: broken -dribbling: no left hand -passing: floor general

🚨BREAKING🚨 More than 600 workers at Hachette Book Group just voted overwhelmingly to unionize, creating the largest union in trade publishing history! newsguild.org/hachette-boo...

i may not agree with his hate the trannies policies, but i can’t deny that absolute dump truck

chess is such a dead game, they're not coming out with new pieces anymore

“the personal is political” i whisper to myself after yelling at a self checkout machine that won’t accept my mcdonald mcrewards card

my favorite instrument: the bone xylophone from cartoons. i’d play it more, but it’s pretty hard to pull the ribs out of a cat. they do not like it.

next father’s day i’m getting my dad a bunch of hats and shirts that say “girl dad”

think there’s a dude out there that got hella excited when his kid came out as trans because he always wanted to be a girl dad

Anything to get off of Zach LaVine’s contract.

oh yeah i’m kinda pretty

dear ‘distinguished’ publisher, I’m forced to write to you by errors in plotting, dialogue, and basic decency, errors found in the latest issue of ‘batman’, the most frustrating error being an error of characterization. said error: my friend batman wouldn’t do what he did in this book

mario hezonja is considering an nba comeback. my faith never wavered. i will never give up on a do everything nba forward (even if he never does anything)

this is the official scooby doo account

*eagle picking at my spleen* this could still be My Summer

Movies are about learning the characters' names

I'm glad those awful children were of the corn. not my problem. i don't live anywhere near corn

i’m gonna kiss the terminator

The light of my life is going out tonight And she don't look too depressed The light of my life is going out tonight In a pink champagne Corvette I sleep three feet above the street In a Band-Aid pink Chevette The light of my life is going out tonight Without a flicker of regret

i hate spider-man, i HATE him. i am going to use all the resources of my newspaper to smear him. he stinks! anyway. time to give my adult Son a big kiss on the lips and send him off to the moon. i’m sure he won’t come back a werewulf

#4B7E4C