what has me the most excited about ai is how all the companies using it to make their businesses more efficient will soon be passing the cost savings right down to me, the consumer

“Only *I* can destroy the White House.”

This guy drove the old pizza-in-a-cup guy right out of business! (But not because it’s better. Mom and pop pizza-in-a-cup shops don’t stand a chance against a behemoth like Pizza Hut.)

This hit me so hard this week.

humanity is currently caught in the endless toilet-bowl cycling of a broken automatic flush

Nothing happens even when everything happens. This is an era of boring insanity

God must be a capitalist if he’s building skyscrapers in heaven. (Lame caption but still wanted to share this pic.)

You got a problem with that?

the one where Joey and Chandler train some dogs to fatally attack Ross by tricking Ross into saying the command word to trigger the attack

If you ever felt like you’re not seeing nearly enough possums, have I got the follow for you!

As the foundation of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I'm glad to see that the stock market is doing well

Steve Martin’s The Jerk was my family’s official movie. I bet I saw it before I was 5 (and dozens of times before I moved out.) I distinctly remember asking my mother what a blowjob was on one viewing. I was going enough that “it’s a kind of job” satisfied me.

Thought of a solution to declining birth rates. Just one guy has to drop dead and a gagillion babies will be born exactly 9 months later! Problem solved.

In case you’re daydreaming about what it might look like when It Happens.

A very merry Wet Day to all who celebrate. Many Urkles to you!

David Duchovny played a transgender woman, Denise, on Twin Peaks in 1990 and when greeting Cooper, the show's protagonist, she says, "I prefer Denise, if you don't mind" and Cooper responds with "OK" and her identity is settled within a couple seconds and was a non-issue, 36 years ago.

So pro-life means jailing women who miscarry but shrugging when the deranged president says “a whole civilization will die tonight.” Do I have that right?

If you see this, post your black and white art.

My president.

The park in my neighborhood was remodeled a few years ago and though it is bordered by apartments on all sides, instead of installing a playground, they put in a dog park. Because fuck kids, right?

Is this where I get to say I saw the White Stripes play at a bar so small there wasn’t even a stage? They just pushed the drumkit into the corner of the room.

Or at least let me send yours to go kill and be killed so I can avoid accountability for my many sex crimes.

Man, and I thought ballpoint was temperamental and unforgiving. (Kinda wish I could give this a try…)

Absolutely infuriating. The USPS isn’t intended to be self-supporting, much less profitable. It is a service the government provides to its people. Remember when we used to have those?

Re the Hormuz, not saying I'm an expert on the sitch, but are we really too proud to try historically vetted measures like sacrificing a high ranking member of the royal family to propitiate the sea god

ME: (typing on a computer) Here’s that report you were asking for! I’m around all day if you have any questions! Thanks! ME: (typing on my phone) Rivers Cum-o from the band Jeezer

it's not your right to quiet the world. you as a human being are obligated to be in the world with other people even if that sucks shit sometimes. my neighbors listen to loud music and sometimes it's annoying but i also feel safe knowing my neighbors are okay and that if i need them they're there

checking the news again

kind of like watching your car go up in flames on the side of the highway. undeniably mesmerizing, but also it's your car

Government Official: (testifying under oath) Yes I visited the island but just to eat brunch. My email that said “Looking forward to doing crimes on your island ;)” is a reference to how brunch tastes so delicious it should be illegal

part of this is like, conservatives projecting; part of this is conservatives unable to imagine politics without money; and part of this is dudes who are so out of touch with feminized labor that they think children's birthday parties exist as a spontaneous act of parthogenesis

brass solidarity band performing “stand by me” in the streets of whittier next to alex pretti’s memorial. the crowd started chanting “the people united will never be defeated” so they incorporated it into the song. i love minneapolis

The biggest risk in this moment is something sociologists call “symbolic compliance.” That’s when an institution that is violating civil rights gives the public just enough symbolic victories that accountability efforts lose steam before there has been any meaningful change.

“I’ll just slip into something more comfortable,” I say, walking into the ocean.

One thing that irks me: people keep calling the folks on the streets in Minneapolis protestors. They are not generally there to protest, they are there to observe and document. This is the product of organizing and mutual aid. It is telling that these acts of citizenship are seen as protest!

lemon bagel

When I saw Pulp Fiction in the theater someone passed out at needle scene and they had to stop the movie while paramedics came. Meanwhile I, a goody goody, was there with people who were smoking weed in the theater. A big night for 15 year old Amber.

Mom, watch! Watch! Mom, watch! Are you watching mom? Mom! Mom! Watch!

The USPS posting a NINE BILLION DOLLAR LOSS!!! sounds terrible. Certainly worse than if you said "USPS costs thirty dollars per person per year" even though that means the same thing and more accurately describes a government service

When she boutta hark on it

just gonna say what we’re all thinking, Lassie’s face is tooo looooong

Making a bogey man out of socialism at a time when we’re all being slowly murdered by a toxic cocktail of fascism and capitalism is…a choice.

[Jesus hearing about the Jesus App] well kill me again

I’m not proud of my daily Starbucks stop but it is a deeply engrained routine. If I can skip my morning mocha, anyone can.

This is the one that instantly gave me tunnel vision. I am no stranger to girls and women being raped and molested. I’m not surprised by a single word of the Epstein emails. But watching them gameplan how to discredit those girls and women - and succeeding - makes me feel literally ill.