Feels like with all these Grand Jury no bills, they’re going to try to make a pretext to move to military tribunals instead of civilian courts.

I wonder how many of the warning signs for serial killers are applicable to most ICE agents.

So Hulk Hogan, why are you a great candidate for the Administrative Assistant position? Hulk Hogan:

Usually when Republicans have cut things and fucked up the government, we still had the nerds around to make sure things still ran ok-ish. This time, they fired all the nerds because they’re not open fascists, so things will progress accordingly.

DOJ: I would just reiterate request for stay pending appeal and admin stay and note request in order. Judge: I am denying both requests for stays. [HEARING ENDS]

Trump on the phone trying to mobilize the Puerto Rico, Guam, DC and Virgin Islands National Guard units ASAP.

DOJ: CA NG is already federalized Judge: You are an officer of the court. Do you think this is an appropriate way to deal with my order? Appropriate way of dealing with ruling you disagree with? DOJ: Well, I'm not a policy maker Judge: You're a lawyer

Kinda hope Trump goes to game 3 in the Bronx to see them get swept.

Maybe he confused Bukele with Bukkake.

Sure the Yankees are down 12-0, but if you factor in tariffs, it’s more like 60-0.

Getting shitloads of MAGA content on TikTok again. Polls must be really bad.

Starting to think ICE going to fuck with the Cubs home games next week.

This is sure to get the "woke Pope" from the South Side of Chicago on their side.

Looks like I wasn’t too far off.

In any other country, if federal agents fired upon journalists when unprovoked — what would we call it? If federal agents marched down streets demanding papers — what would we say? Authoritarianism — let’s not pretend it’s something else when it happens in our American cities.

If Ezra Klein wants to give away Trans rights for "the greater good", someone should ask him if he will be giving up his own rights, too, in a show of good faith.

25% of Bluesky users have a pfp from their appearance on Jeopardy. The other 75% are just waiting for the call from the producers.

Maybe Trump saw the Russian drones in Poland and thought they were in Portland and that’s why he wants to send troops.

“No more British Spider-Men. Folks are sick of these English kids taking Spider-Man roles from hard working kids from Queens. That’s why I’m deporting Tom Holland and naming Barron the new Spider-Man. I’ll even let him date Zendaya! He can’t marry her or have mixed kids, but he can sow his oats.”

Real talk: the reason Olivia and Elliot haven’t gotten together now that his wife is dead is he voted for Trump at least two times and that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

Looking forward to how many Mets jokes are in tonight’s Closer Look. Over/under has to be like 6.

Glad I’m skipping my 20th reunion. Don’t feel like celebrating my Alma mater right now.

Doesn’t feel great to be at the age where you’re in the first wave to leave a wedding reception. At least I had the excuse of getting my in-laws (in their 70s) into an uber and back to the Airbnb. But I’m secretly happy to also be in bed before 10.

Starting to think he wrote the Starr Report with just one hand.

Garrett going on Jeopardy better be a key plot point in the Community movie.

$20 billion gets you a lot of cocaine.

Taking money from murderous autocrats, but as a bit.

The Republican Party are on tilt poker players who have won massive pots by bluffing with a terrible hand. Their massive pocket pair dictator is really just 2 7 off suit and they have to keep pushing all in because they are too pot committed to fold even once.

Okay I'll tell a quick story. A million years ago, I used to write for Esquire's website. I wrote a nice thing about Jimmy Kimmel that was almost certainly illegible trash. He then followed me on Twitter and, ever the Weird Twitter purveyor, invited me to meet him after a show after a goofy tweet.

Our plan: lose every game after clinching a playoff slot and then probably get swept in the WC.

My two favorite things to introduce people on the internet to are: 1. Young Nixon could GET IT 2. PBS kid’s show character Ghostwriter’s back story is he was a runaway slave murdered by dogs for teaching other slaves to read.

Is the rapture supposed to be by midnight EST? I'm just trying to plan my week.

This is absolutely true. If the NYT covered this the way they covered trans care, you all would finally understand what dangerous shit their trans care coverage has been.

Trump is in the pocket of big Aspirin.

Today is not going to be a fun day to live and work near the UN.

Today would be a fun day for women to escape abusive fundamentalist relationships and blaming the rapture.

BREAKING: DISNEY REALLY WANTS PEOPLE TO SEE AVATAR 3 IN THEATERS THIS DECEMBER, THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU IN MAY AND THE NEW AVENGERS MOVIE NEXT DECEMBER.

Even money Trump is going to order a missile strike on the next “migrant caravan.”

What movie do you consider perfect?

What always shocks me about NETWORK (1976) is that Ned Beatty was only 39!

When Trump finally dies, they’re going to try to turn nationwide celebrations into nationwide solemn mourning.

Don’t Look Inward.

The random bot followers are starting to pop up again. I’m guessing something is in the works.

Imagine the last nine months if Kamala won. It’d be all coconut memes on the left and a growing undercurrent of white resentment on the right.

"I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for my right to get you fired for it."

You can lead a nation to Gutfeld, but you can't make it watch.

Hell of a closing argument, tbh.