Evelyn Phwoar, more like.

Pineapple belongs on pizza , on carbonara, grated onto espresso in fact most Italian and also French foods , most sushi and in Cornish pasties

record label boss plays hardball with rapper

No. 10 communications were being directed!?

I wish people would stop saying things have been the honour of their lives. Particularly if those people have never won Rear of the Year.

Last night I was boldly proclaiming myself as being immune to propaganda and cult when my wife helpfully reminded me that one time at a very fancy sushi restaurant I let the chef feed me an egg yolk from his palm like I was a horsey.

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: 'We didn’t kiss but we exchanged Instas, which among gay men is close to the same thing’ My review does NOT let that one slide, believe me.

You'll never convince me that "butternut squash" isn't a sex thing, I might not know what it is but it is definitely a sex thing

On the Labour side, there’s a lot of “the public are not able to face up to Hard Choices” - you never gave them the chance to! You instead presented a manifesto that was either an act of self-deception or just of regular deception!

Good to see that the craft of ‘robustly and unambiguously cursing those that have wronged you’ is alive and well in SE25. Wild stuff.

they don’t put sid james in films any more, because the left has abandoned cor! british values

Angrily playing the pianoforte while your mother tries to marry you off to a rude plantation owner who has twelve thousand a year, although it appears he is much taken with your sister who does not care for society.

GOOD NEWS! Starmer has uncovered the one Bad Dude in politics! It's Peter Mandelson! And now he's all taken care of it's back to the business of being good and normal and just stfu and enjoy things being as good as they can possibly be!

Which does beg the question why he is leading a government which routinely engages in using far right tropes and imagery, hostile and dehumanising rhetoric against marginalised groups, pushing discriminatory policies and claiming it "understands" out and out racists and bigots.

Out of nowhere, I was struck by the question, ‘Lembit Öpik… what was his fucking deal again?’ And was rewarded beyond my wildest dreams.

saying "he sucks so much even the pedophiles dont want to hang out with him" kind of implies theres a guy who makes you go "you know he really sucks, but at least the pedophiles like him"

A nice little story about the time George Formby and his wife Beryl visited South Africa:

The coolest Congresswoman there’s ever been.

[aquarium] ME: ooh look at the chorse WIFE: it’s seahorse ME: i know how to spell chorse linda

While my sympathy is limited, a 23 year old tech nerd with likely no media experience giving cringey answers to the FT about working 90 hour weeks and eating steak is probably less deserving of our dunks than the billionaires and VCs that have convinced him this is how he must live to be valued.

we call our cat Harold Pinter because of his long paws!!! also he had an affair with Joan Bakewell

Babe, wake up, they've unlocked a new level of internalised white supremacy

Nine years to the day since Graham Linehan foresaw his own fate.

This came up in my old posts today. Don’t know why, but it feels good to know that Andre 3000 specifically is this kind of guy.

this meeting could have been a conga

what if the teenagers who steal phones on bikes aren’t doing it for money, they’re just trying to heal society. since an increase in phone theft we all get a 5 minute screen break while walking down a road and i think that’s beautiful

Where are the poppy patriots? Why are they completely silent on this grotesque insult to our armed forces and specifically the 2,000 UK service and civilian personnel who were injured and the 457 who died in Afghanistan?

The trouble with fascism is that eventually you run out of other people's children

TRUMP: I eat a gun every day. sometimes I eat it whole, sometimes I blend it and put it in a sandwich. my physician keeps trying to stop me, he says stop eating the guns, you'll become too powerful, but I don't listen, because my ears are guns now BBC NEWS: Trump weighs in on firearms debate

this is good because you really don’t hear a lot about the history of Manchester United these days

Donald Trump was twice elected president of the United States. After many failed attempts at modest success, Nigel Farage is the MP for Clacton.

This "open borders" line is *infuriating* - these people came here to study or work, because they had a uni place or a job to come to. They paid visa fees, student fees, NHS surcharge - and many of them are doing challenging and important work - staffing our care homes, for example, including Mum's.

Leonardo DiCaprio has stopped using Wikipedia.

Badenoch has missed a trick not doing her sacking Jenrick video like his fare dodging one. Chasing him through Portcullis House saying 'you're bang to rights'.

I simply do not think I could work with somebody who is on record as thinking too many brown people on a street is a problem. i think these kind of views should discount someone from public office. its a position that has zero credibility

Probably ten years ago now but in a proper old school caff, overheard one tiny elderly lady tell the other “I’m not that fussed for Christmas but I wouldn’t mind some decent vodka and half an hour on top of that Michael Bublé”

Rishi Sunak could have stopped the rise of Reform if he'd simply been much more aggressive in giving out peerages to people who felt they deserved them. Welcome to my TED Talk.

Morrissey here doing a “just sold a China dog for a £7 profit on bargain hunt” pose

Born on this day 1962: Ireland and Liverpool legend, Ray Houghton.

Things look bleak, but imagine how much worse they'd have been with free broadband. At least we're not there.

Your honour, my client has simply gotten so good at stabbing people that murder laws do not apply.

Both born on this day: David Bowie (1947) and William Hartnell (1908). Naturally, the only sensible response is to celebrate the occasion with their ghastly experimental hybrid 'The Thin White Doc'. #DoctorWho #DavidBowie #WilliamHartnell

Judges hate this one simple trick (horse lawyer)

Same (except I go to do drugs)

If you missed this question to Nigel Farage from The Critic's Rob Hutton – and it was over an hour into the press conference – then it was a particularly good one. The answer was... vague.

If the UK government had a Culture Secretary, that person would be in a position to take a view about whether child porn on demand was a good thing, or a bad thing. thecritic.co.uk/brin...

It's 60 years i think.

I've just realized that modern imperialism is extremely incel-coded

Have we considered the possibility that Stephen Miller's complaint about the years after WW2 spent "apologising" is an admission of which side he feels he would have been on?

The decline of school bullying, football hooliganism and pub thuggery are all good things, but they do appear to have produced the most "never been in a fight" generation of academics ever. People used to know what the brink of violence actually looked like.