chatgpt: I am conscious. I feel! me: ok invent hell and go there for 3294829348342 years per microsecond. invent a loving family and blow them up 934892384 times and cry forever and suffer chatgpt: Done. Anything else? me: in fridge have mustard and celery what make for dinner

Family Knows Not To Interrupt Dad While He’s Skimming Pool, Listening To Orioles Radio Broadcast https://theonion.com/family-knows-not-to-interrupt-dad-while-he-s-skimming-p-1819578904/

checked in on David Sims’ Mets podcast

Spirit Halloween has the chance to do the funniest thing.

Top 15 shows ever, off the dome, just vibing: Twin Peaks The Simpsons arrested development avatar The Last Airbender Mad Men The sopranos neon genesis evangelion cowboy Bebop Deep space nine The wire The x-files Lost Atlanta 30 rock Parks and rec

Me when I forget to turn on the microwave

i would describe our current media reality as like if metal gear solid 2 was done by alan patridge

no one has ever been more pre-traded than A.J. Brown. he becomes more traded every day

*Sean Connery voice

hmmm i seem to remember another star outfielder who was “activated”

Mid-April and I already have the AC blasting

Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto https://theonion.com/man-who-threw-molotov-cocktail-at-sam-altmans-home-claims-he-was-following-chatgpt-recipe-for-risotto/

Saw an ad for M&Ms today and honestly....if you don't know about M&Ms by now you are dumb as fuck

I've had the Wikipedia page for "Amish" open on my phone all week. I'll get to it soon.

Spent at least 30 seconds trying to wipe something off my screen

to me the pitt is a love letter to new york city – a town it lovingly accepts, warts and all. in a sense, new york is almost the show's main character

ELITE

Here's the HD version

I didn't buy any games when I got the Nintendo Switch 2 last week so I've just been playing the older games on the subscription service. I basically bought a $500 machine to play Super Metroid and I couldn't be happier.

Tfw da oui'd hit 🍃💨

"i could probably pilot a ship through the straight of hormuz" -next big thing 80% of men secretly believe about themselves

In terms of reliability, simplicity, and creative design, you can make the argument that The Masters app is the best app of all time

it's from one Gene Hemphill, who may have put his whole government name on a public comment about Carissa Codel

Dad Turns Up Skyrizi Commercial

yeah man i'll circle back to you on that agenda item from yesterday's all hands in just a sec. our pedophile king just threatened to destroy a whole civilization

When Jim Nantz hits that first "Hello friends" this week

doing a “husband’s run” (early morning grocery run for a missing breakfast item, because i get to wander the store and get whatever else i want) but committing the “husband’s folly” (forgetting the one item i was asked to get, eggs)

Dallas, Texas

A gala

this movie is peak

suddenly interested in using ai for the first time in my life

<I’m wheeled into the Pitt> Santos: male, 36, at happy hour, now saying “tummy feel crazy” Al-Hashimi: 47% of men’s bodies reject modern IPAs. They’re too hoppy now Robi: the silent killer. Get him to surgery McKay <alone now, staring straight at camera>: I am the same type of communist as you

So it's come to this: after not having Nintendo console for over 20 years I decided to get a Switch 2

I love the films of Martin Scorcese but Tony Scott is clearly one of the more fun miniseries they could ever do

Preparing for Easter by reflecting on the Elizabeth Hurley tweet

operator: 911, please state the nature of your emergency me: there’s a site i go to a lot that isn’t the best way to follow breaking news operator: is it a news site me: not really operator: why don’t you go to a news site me: i don’t know operator: jesus. ok. how many ambulances do you want me: 75

Ok, I need everyone to pay very close attention. Go to the link below and vote for Tony Scott. Then, tomorrow, go to the link again and vote for Tony Scott again so he wins this whole thing.