It seems the raccoon might have a problem — and it’s not just drinking. The raccoon, famously known for its Nov. 29 drunken spree at a Virginia liquor store, is suspected of sneaking into multiple businesses in the same shopping center.

Grandchildren Politely Decline David Cronenberg’s Bedtime Story Offer https://theonion.com/grandchildren-politely-decline-david-cronenbergs-bedtime-story-offer/

so insanely fucking real for this

the people of this great republic yearn for locomotive transport

two skrimps in love, seasonally

Our archivist found this real, paid-for, pretty rad Mr. Beef ad in the April 2004 edition of The Onion.

Trying out a new PCP's office, and their "preferred language" dropdown on the intake form is time-traveler inclusive.

political science

SIMPLY HAVING A

People need food. Market won’t provide it. Government should. It’s literally the whole point.

Evil emperor kicks a wretched homunculus into the pit for failing to find the Chosen One – a classic failure to apply the RACI matrix. 💪 Responsible: the Wretched Homunculi 💀 Accountable: the Scheming Vizier <- kick HIM into the pit 🤷 Consulted: the Dark Oracles 👁️ Informed: the Fetid Stakeholders

the “thanksgiving food is bad” discourse raises its ugly head every year, but the truth remains that thanksgiving food can be amazing as long as you know how to cook. the problem is we’re throwing a few million sunday drivers directly into a grand prix

Remember. We know these drugs are safe. There is no need to do any of this.

Folks, I did it. I made the Cooks Illustrated competing pear crisps, and then I made my friends judge them blind.

Alan Dershowitz is one of those claiming Epstein was not a pedophile because he pleaded guilty to one count of having sex for money with a 17-year-and-10-month-old person. "That’s not a pedophile." See this important response from Julia Brown, the brave reporter who broke the news on this

Silicon Valley, 1990s: Free and open access to all the world’s knowledge will usher a new utopian age of information! Silicon Valley, 2025:

WHAT

this has to be the single greatest image in the history of sports

a few months ago I said "having generative AI handle absolutely anything with regards to healthcare is a nightmare and should be banned" and a bunch of people made fun of me and called me stupid. anyways,

Loving today's news that the mysterious "fedora man" outside the Louvre heist was actually a 15-year-old museum visitor who dresses like a 1940s French detective all the time, just because. apnews.com/article/louv...

pre-writing a devastating obituary for your enemy is god-tier hating of a kind you don’t often see anymore. renaissance haterism. beautiful stuff.

At the Damn Yankees revival which puts the show in 2000 with the Baltimore Orioles. It is a marvel to me that even thought it was written in the 50s, the Yankees are still the most hated team in baseball

exhuming mary wollstonecraft shelley to take her to task for her failures of feminism

you ever think about the works progress administration? I sure do. I wish that was a thing now. I would be so glad to contribute my labor to like. A random ass local bridge

Utterly fascinating new series from Annie & Megan Kelly (not that one), worth the Cursed Media sub on its own. I do wonder what trad wives will do when their cute new babies are rebellious teens in years to come and peri meno is kicking their butt.

The Dwarf Fortress Siege Update briefly reintroduced an old bug where dwarf babies pilot their moms like mech suits until they die of dehydration because babies don't know what drinking is.

I was going to do a big wrap up thread after reading the entire report. But...hoo boy. NotPetya and Wannacry were not AI attacks.

Thief trying to break into the Louvre sever on his first try: guys you're never gonna believe this

For a quick and easy costume may I recommend Peter Thiel’s vision of the Antichrist

AAHHHHH!!!!

as a bird artist, in honor of tonight’s game i have attempted to draw the gorgeous blue jay as accurately as possible. as always please let me know if you have any constructive criticism

🎢 find mew

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works and let me know if you have any questions! 🤗

CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag? KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag. CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this? KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable. KOKO: Hostility Interviewer

TLDR; The PSF has made the decision to put our community and our shared diversity, equity, and inclusion values ahead of seeking $1.5M in new revenue. Please read and share. pyfound.blogspot.com/2025/10/NSF-... 🧵

I fucking knew it.

this headline hums with ancient autumnal dread

can't believe this took me this long

I hope this email never finds you. I hope you’re free.