I’m going to cure depression with bored apes.

We’re at an inside playground and my kid is only interested in the zipline

Elon Musk has died after a long battle with whatever his fucking problem is

My dad had a friend nicknamed Zero, and when I asked him why everyone called him that his response was, “Because he’s not worth a shit.”

Doc Bullfrog, you smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Your bitch is too bad. They’ll kill you.

“Hey buddy”

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time.

I saw a personalized plate that said “PROUDSS” and wondered how that passed the DMV check. Then remembered I live in KY.

it's 2025 and the gangly guy who appeared on a few seasons of The Office is now our only mirror to society

the way that ai is being advertised now is that everyone has to pretend to be incompetent and incredibly incapable and useless at everything

We got Weird Al out here singing Killing In The Name, the time for moderation is over

Truly one of the dumbest people in history

I was reading my son the Dr Seuss book and this started going thru my head

Caught one of those Annabelle Conjuring movies and I think they’ve made too many of them, she’s a lawyer in this one but never thought the biggest case of her career could lead to love

The DC shooting story is really getting to me because we literally trained this man as a child soldier for a death squad in a forever war and Stephen Miller et al want to blame it on other cultures? It's our culture, American culture, that killed that woman.

Sleeping on the same twin bed your wife slept in thirty years ago is like a trip back in time, to hell.

Never underestimate human ingenuity

A new business/fetish just dropped

What’s the over/under on pronoun “jokes”

Oh hell yeah, free don-awwwww

Sunday comfort hound

Harryhausen Hive rise up.

“Compromise is made out of peace but history’s made out of violence. After the war of of the worlds has ceased all that’s left is a deafening silence.”

The man who killed John Wilkes Booth was a “mad hatter” who cut off his own testicles.

Hey Grok, is Elon a big special boy who needs constant adoration and praise to validate his vapid existence?

Fucking backwards ass shithole country

Sounds like the worm ALMOST made it out, maybe next time little fella 🪱

TIL Adult cheerleading is a thing. A weird, and from the looks of it, sad thing.

the epstein files (donalds version)

There’s over two decades of evidence to thoroughly disprove this bullshit.

Our 3 yr old got into trouble for doing the “guess what..chicken butt” bit at preschool, so I guess the woke mob is real.

I bet “Best feature: my squeaky clean kiester” would do numbers on a dating app.

Repost with an iconic fictional band

This is the one I’m really looking forward to

i’m ready for something different than whatever the fuck this is

Banger

it never feels right when something good happens. we aren’t supposed to have hope at all

I think what terrifies dems most is people might expect them to actually do something while in office now