Why do birds suddenly appear? Normally, magicians

Nothing brings people together like slowly encroaching walls

I've made a starter pack for comedians taking shows up to this year's Edinburgh Fringe. Tell me who's missing and post your shows below. go.bsky.app/4nT4Lxh

The congregation at my local church has parished

I'm one of Midlothian View's picks of the Fringe, and it's a great list. Lovely to be picked, must get to my footie practice, can't let the people of Midlothian down.

Your brunch name is your name between 10am and 12pm.

EDFRINGE POSTER REVEAL TIME Please share far and wide. Adele Cliff: Adele, Adele, Adele... Cliff It Isn't The Consequences Of My Own Actions 31st July - 24th August (not 12th) 5.05pm Just The Tonic at The Mash House Huge thanks to Peril Design and Karla Gowlett. @edfringe.bsky.social

Six weeks till #edfringe? Here, have a time-ordered list of gig recommendations: noblefailure.org/ed25 With e.g. @adelecliff.bsky.social, @alibrice.bsky.social, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @iansmithcomedy.bsky.social, @lauralexx.bsky.social, @stuartlawscomedy.bsky.social, and 300+ others. Wahoo!

Tuesday. Epic line-up. Mega laughs all but guaranteed. Tickets less than the price of most London pints. Beat that. 🎟️ tinyurl.com/sofunnytues @stuartlawscomedy.bsky.social @markthomasinfo.bsky.social @bechillcomedian.bsky.social @adelecliff.bsky.social @thatbaldyfella.bsky.social

I'm a pancake hero

Look at all these mega funny folks in Leicester this weekend! I'm here: comedy-festival.co.uk/events/adele...

Sun 16 Feb 101 Rules for a Better World (By Comedians) WIP with @tommayhew.bsky.social @soozuk.bsky.social @adelecliff.bsky.social 7-8pm @ Aces & Eights, Tufnell Park, London Free / pay what you want Please reserve in advance @ tinyurl.com/sofunnytues 2/3

Adelaide Fringe are having a flash sale on loads of great shows today. Mine is one of them, get tickets here adelaidefringe.com.au/fringetix/ad... @adlfrin.ge

I'm so excited to be taking my new show to Australia to Adelaide and Melbourne in March + April. If you're in the area/know people who will be send them my way! If you're UK based and unwilling to fly 24 hours to support me, I'll be at Leicester Comedy Festival in February. Links below

Great news! If you're in the UK, you can now stream my stand up special NEVERMORE for free on the ITVX player. Follow this link to watch a full show from the comedian people are calling "Merida dressed as Shrek": www.itv.com/watch/alasda...

First poo of the year, always a special one.

This was great fun you should definitely listen to this and the the 50 previous episodes immediately afterwards

Every time I play Pokemon Fire Red I enjoy Youngster Dillon on route 11 and his incredibly accurate unqualified man energy.

Arguably an effective technique in most escape rooms

*Enters Sherlock Holmes themed escape room* Me: Right gang, I think our first move should be taking all this heroin I smuggled in. *Door opens* Staff member: You need to leave Me: What was our time? Staff member: ... 43 seconds

I'm currently workshopping product ideas but happy to speak to potential investors today!

"He was a cute kid but he smoked a million cigarettes and went to prison." Just overheard this on a bus and I think you should have to hand out pictures if your talking loudly in public like this.

People who know children. Send them to Radio Nonsense to hear me and @tiernandouieb.bsky.social talking about big issues and trampolines! @comedyclub4kids.bsky.social

On this week’s @comedyclub4kids.bsky.social Radio Nonsense podcast the excellently funny @adelecliff.bsky.social joins me to answer horrible questions about poop and also talk duck shampoo. Get your kids to listen at: pod.fo/e/284805 Available all places podcasts live.

Happy international men's day to all the international men out there. Better luck next time to those who didn't make the cut at regional and national competitions, there's always next year, train harder.

Is building my own furniture illegal? Best check in with the leading authority on self assembly crime. DI Why.

FYI the British Transport Police don't like it if you say you want to report a crime then show them the cost of your train ticket.

I've had a lovely morning at the garden centre then spent 2 hours planting bulbs, retirement really crept up on me fast.

So, we figured out who we're letting in here yet?