In a Teams chat with five other people, and each one described the mug they’re drinking out of. I said mine reads “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” and *not one* of them knew the reference. How is this my life?

Always a guaranteed good time when Mark Simmons comes to play! To be fair, the same can be said for every single comedian on this lineup. It’s almost like I only book funny people….oh, wait. London’s friendliest, funniest comedy night tinyurl.com/sofunnytues @jokeswithmark.bsky.social

Please either: a) talk me down from buying *another* pair of Cons that I definitely don't need, if you define 'need' in the usual way b) remind me that none of my existing collection feature this adorable double-platform and therefore it does suggest an innovative interpretation of the word 'need'

Have put a request through with the GP - once again - for a formal assessment for ADHD. This time, my form was simply an invitation to one of my gigs, as they'll have a laugh *and* will come out of there and go 'yep.' Just doing my bit to reduce the strain on the NHS.

I'm gonna stick my head above the parapet here (because that's the kind of edgy comic I am): Mince pies are overrated. There, I said it. Fight me.

One of the great joys of this comedy life is when you do a gig you’ve heard exclusively good things about - and they all turn out to be true. Thank you, @xsmalarkey.com for a gorgeous gig!

Well, this is gonna be a whole lotta funny! One week tonight, in Angel: @jokeswithmark.bsky.social @rachcreeger.bsky.social @tommayhew.bsky.social @thatbaldyfella.bsky.social & more! Get your tix while you can! www.jokepit.com/e/46295

Facebook served me a sponsored ad for this tea blend and it is making me twitchy with rage. How very dare they call their tea blend Oxford Comma and then list three ingredients *without an Oxford comma*. The absolute disgrace of it. They ought to be ashamed, abashed, and mortified.

Tomorrow! South London! The brilliant and frankly elastic minds of these panellists promise to make it a *very* interesting show. queercomedyclub.co.uk/event/101-ru...

Excited to see what rules we can come up with at @leicscomedyfest.bsky.social - presumably we don't need a rule to tell us not to bury kings in car parks...? Panellists will be revealed nearer the time, but you can grab your tickets now! tinyurl.com/101ruleslcf ⭐⭐⭐⭐ -One4Review

Sunday afternoon in London: comedians put the world to rights. (Someone has to!) Join us as we find out what daft, profound, and just-crazy-enough-to-work ideas these intrepid comics come up with! queercomedyclub.co.uk/event/101-ru... @bechillcomedian.bsky.social @davidstrathdee.bsky.social

My internal monologue: This banana's not ripe. Back in the day we always had brown paper shopping bags - they're perfect for ripening fruit. We used to make school book covers from those brown bags. Why did we cover our school books? No, seriously, WHY? Brow now furrowed for the foreseeable future.

Tonight! Huge fun, guaranteed. www.jokepit.com/comedy-in/lo... @rosieisaholt.bsky.social @aidanjones.bsky.social @nataliedurkin.bsky.social @thatbaldyfella.bsky.social

Tonight on Zoom! 101 Rules for a Better World (by Comedians) @101rules.bsky.social @tommayhew.bsky.social @vixleyton.bsky.social "𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 - 𝐁𝐁𝐂 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲" 👉 Live on Zoom 27 Oct 🎟️https://www.jokepit.com/e/46460 Ticketholders will be emailed a link this evening - so get yourself in there!

101 Rules for a Better World (by Comedians) @101rules.bsky.social "𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 - 𝐁𝐁𝐂 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲" We ride again! 👉 Live on Zoom 27 Oct 🎟️https://www.jokepit.com/e/46460 👉 Live IRL in London 2 Nov 🎟️https://queercomedyclub.co.uk/event/101-rules-for-a-better-world-by-comedians-2/2025-11-02/

What the actual…? These are weird as hell.

Celebrity Traitors: amazing how so many people can see the bad egg, say oh he's bad, it's gotta be that guy.... and then they vote exactly how he told them to vote. Wonder if there are any parallels to the real world....? 🤔

People of Kent! I'm bringing both my Edinburgh shows to you this weekend! Please come, and bring a friend. Family, acquaintances, random strangers also welcome. Oh and please re-skeet (if indeed that is a thing). TALL GIRL ENERGY: tinyurl.com/fave17oct 101 RULES: tinyurl.com/fave18oct

Quick question, for a thing: How old were you when you stopped growing? Thanks for playing.

This is today! 4pm, 1 hour, South London See you there.

Comedians put the world to rights - somebody has to! @101rules.bsky.social EdFringe hit panel show, 𝟭𝟬𝟭 𝗥𝘂𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 (𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘀) is live in London this Sun afternoon. Intrepid comedians - and you - will make the world a better place, one silly rule at a time. tinyurl.com/12Oct101

I never thought I'd see the day an American president declared martial law - but it's as near as in Chicago so I guess all those times I was told I was too cynical, I wasn't actually being cynical enough. Sending love to the people of Chicago and everybody fighting the good fight in America.

Lovely gig at Komedia in Brighton last night. Audience member was from NJ - had a lovely "what exit?" convo - she went to high school with my best friend! Walking to station to return home to London, bumped into an old friend from when I lived in Salisbury! The whole world is Smallsbury 🌎

Me: <calling pension company as lost my plan details> Their AI: Please state your plan number. Me: I don't know it. AI: Sorry, what is your plan number? Me: I don't know it, that's why I'm calling. AI: Are you a financial advisor? If nothing else, I have learned that robots can sound suspicious.

This lineup is sick. In the 90s sense of sick being the highest compliment available. Not in the 20s sense of a pandemic. Might need to rethink my vernacular. Anyway. tinyurl.com/sofunnytues SEE YOU THERE

When you're American living in the UK and anytime you say something a British colleague doesn't immediately recognise, it's met with 'oh that's *so* American.' For fuck's sake. (Is that British enough for you?)

Listening to coverage of Jilly Cooper's death. A brief bio: grew up upper middle class and horsey, and her big break came when "she was invited to write a column for the Sunday Times." Does that sort of invitation come with your first horse, or...? The more (rich, influential people) you know...

Been prescribed antibiotics which are meant to be taken on an empty stomach. The label specifies this means an hour before eating or two hours after eating. I'm meant to take them four times a day. This is going to really fuck with my snacking schedule.

I'm taking both my EdFringe shows to @favershamfringe.bsky.social this month! TALL GIRL ENERGY: tinyurl.com/fave17oct 101 RULES FOR A BETTER WORLD (BY COMEDIANS): tinyurl.com/fave18oct with James O'Donoghue, Juliet Meyers & Simon Harriyott @simonharriyott.bsky.social @julietmeyers.bsky.social

Who's available tonight, 8pm UK time to join a Zoom and help me & some comedian pals workshop a new panel show idea? You'll be the audience and help me figure out what works - and critically, what doesn't. Please raise your virtual hand via comment or DM. I'll send the link this evening. Kthx

Three people I work with (all Brits, aged 20s-50) have never heard of Spinal Tap. It's not just that they've never seen it - they have never heard of it. The phrase 'it goes to 11' means nothing to them. I said jeez, shall I go get my Werther's Originals now - and they knew that reference. FFS.

@101rules.bsky.social coming to @leicscomedyfest.bsky.social in February…

One last (?) outing of Tall Girl Energy, at Faversham Fringe on Friday 17 October. Tell your friends. No really, go, now, tell ‘em. Thank you. tinyurl.com/fave17oct

Autism is a natural divergence from neurotypicality. It's normal & not the tragedy these clowns are making it out to be. Transness is a natural divergence from cisnormativity. It's normal & not the tragedy these clowns are making it out to be. Just deal with people being different than you.

Trump says Don't take Tylenol, and I hope all his maga followers listen to him. Don't take Tylenol. And while you're at it, don't get a flu shot this winter. Don't wear seatbelts. Don't look both ways before crossing the road. Don't check if your many guns are loaded before cleaning them.

Why is misinformation about paracetamol on the front page of every news outlet, without a mention of the fact it's misinformation?

I'm glad Kimmel is coming back. However, "free speech" where you can reverse government-coerced corporate censorship but only if your supporters make stock price influencing noise would be like a healthcare system in which you need a GoFundMe to go viral to afford treatment. ... wait.

Trump blames autism on women taking Tylenol. I'd be sceptical, but this is the guy who told us to drink bleach for Covid, so clearly he's the leading medical mind of a generation.

Top tip for comedians: To come across as professionally as possible, reach out to promoters who've never met you or seen you perform by sending a short, snappy email. Include nothing more than 'yo, can I get a spot'.... and then whinge when you don't get booked. You'll go far.

This is tomorrow and it's going to be ridiculously good. You should be there. And the good news is: you can! Acquire your shiny golden ticket here: www.jokepit.com/e/41710 @markthomasinfo.bsky.social @adelecliff.bsky.social @kuanwen.bsky.social @thatbaldyfella.bsky.social

This isn’t just a terrible snack idea, it’s an M&S terrible snack idea.

A delicious souvenir from Greece. Why aren’t oregano crisps a thing everywhere? PS It’s still or-eg-a-no to me, not or-eg-AH-no. 22 years in the UK and it still grates to hear my favourite herb described thus. (Though yes, there’s a u in favourite and a silent h in herb. Go figure.)

We're back, baby! This is happening Tuesday and the lineup is <<chef's kiss>>. @markthomasinfo.bsky.social @adelecliff.bsky.social @kuanwen.bsky.social @thatbaldyfella.bsky.social and more! Get your tix now: www.jokepit.com/e/41710

Gigging in Petts Wood on Friday. Which led me to the Petts Wood wiki page (obviously) which led to me discovering what may well be the most fun name to appear anywhere on Wikipedia. Enjoy!

Don't get it twisted; this doesn't mean we should only care about trans rights inasmuch as it might affect cis people. It means that trans rights ARE our rights; trans people are inextricably entwined with everyone, trans people are our siblings and our children, trans people are us.

Tonight: biggest gig of my comedy life Tomorrow night: dinner in Athens Thursday morning: off to our favourite tiny Greek island Dopamine: goes to 11

Going on holiday Wednesday morning. Meant to pack this weekend. Did I? Come on, when it comes to deadlines, if it's not looming imminently it might as well be a year of Sundays away. But I did make time to check the weather where we're going no fewer than four times today. No slacker, me.

I have never had this before, but it tastes of nostalgia. As a kid I never questioned how Country Time could have pink lemonade, though I knew damn well there was no such thing as pink lemons. This carbonated version is just as artificial… but I’m good with that.

I've been living in the UK approximately forever now, but I still occasionally learn some never-before-imagined difference between UK and US culture. Today's entry: What Americans call the Itsy Bitsy Spider is for some insane reason known to Brits as the Incy Wincy Spider. You fucking weirdos.

Just watched The Thursday Murder Club. Pretty decent adaptation, except.... I just can't buy Pierce Brosnan as a died-in-the-wool union activist. When I read the books I pictured Ron Ritchie as the kind of guy who'd be played by Ray Winstone.