Five good things: 1. Went on a walk & saw many dogs 2. Ate a peach and almond pastry 3. Worked on my latest article 4. Afternoon nap 5. I just really like Gladiators, ok? They are so physically impressive. I sit there going, "Well now *I* want to learn to climb a rope ladder!"

anyone sharing a video of that person being murdered by ICE gets blocked. Fucking hell, have a word with yourself.

This plant lives in my garden and I love it very much. The split of green and yellow leaves is beautiful.

One day I assume my body will magically understand how to do lunges. I see other people bend their knees so they're both at 90° and I go, "Yep, I get it!" and yet, immediately, fucking chaos.

Listen. I haven't formulated all my thoughts together here because I'm feeling cross, but perhaps people could be banned from commenting on autistic people's voices, delivery and body language until they can be trusted. "Ooh his delivery is a bit-" "The word you're looking for is 'autistic.'"

DIGITAL MEDIA & COMMS I've got some space to expand my portfolio so if you would like a human to work with on these things, get in touch! - Websites - Email Campaigns - Media Creation Human crafted shiny pixels. For the Humans. (This post is exceedingly satisfyingly shareable 😎)

At no point was it required to lean so heavily into D/s on Taskmaster. Like, at no point whatsoever. *chin hands* What a bit to commit to.

Ooo, what a fab line-up. 🥰 Tickets in the link; bring your best laughter and comfiest pyjamas.

I'm not sure why all these teenagers are apparently on steroids (remember when teenagers in tv shows didn't have six-packs?) but I love the feelings of hope this show is bringing me. Star Trek feels like hope to me, which is why I didn't enjoy Disco. This? This is hopeful. #StarfleetAcademy

Everybody shut the fuck up and pay attention to the most important thing happening at this moment.

Could an okay person do THIS? *writes a Daily Tism article*

In this episode of She-Ra, Swift Wind (magical unicorn) keeps talking about an unspecified ‘bad thing’. But I just watched a similar episode of Peep Show, so I keep thinking the unicorn was sucked off by Super Hans.

but why

LITERALLY

Next month is my sixteenth anniversary, which I suppose means that my relationship can now legally have sex.

To err is human; to find water - divine.

I was going to watch more Squid Game this evening, but apparently it makes me 'worryingly punchy' when I'm asleep, so I've been politely asked not to.

oh godddd it's so true

I'm not saying global warming is getting worse, but I just went to my local branch of Iceland, only to find that it's now a Lakeland.

I just had an unexpected knock at the door and lost 150HP. #autism 🫠

I see David Walliams' ghostwriter has a new face for their work

Dreamt I had been cast on both TM Australia and New Zealand and was having to keep it from the other. Swapping costumes, avoiding saying phrases like, "This is just like that task I did LAST week!" and trying to remember which host was which and which other comedian belonged to which cast.

Thank god. If that Parachute OT3 video ever disappeared I would weep.

Best types of DM: 'We're doing something really niche and stupid and we thought of you!' Yesssss. 🥰🥰

Before the day is out, the bald eagle will have a traffic cone on its head.

Explained my joke in their QRT. I could have almost accepted that, except they explained it WRONG.

Just realised there's a new series of #ThePitt! Not many shows where you can think, "Can't wait to see how that hopeful little optimist gets pissed on this time," and really mean it.

If you wanna be a mother, you gotta dance on your son It’s the first dance at his wedding You’re just having fun 🕺

😠 How dare I call me out like this

20th January, which means it's @singlecrow.bsky.social's birthday! Hope there's joy in your day. 🍰

Obviously the real star of that episode of #TheNightManager was Tom Hiddleston's nipples. 🫡

Five good things: 1. Marmalade on crumpets 2. I'm back up to my pre-Xmas weights at the gym 💪 3. Booked to see a stage version of one of my favourite films 4. Watched some amazing comedians 5. Managed a number of tricky conversations at work

Mmmm, numerically satisfying.

I'm (reluctantly) going to bed. It's 8-5, it's 21:30, and I've got work at 8am. If I wake up tomorrow and Higgins has miraculously pulled it back, I look forward to discovering how. #TheSnooker

Good GRIEF #TheSnooker

I know that 50 is very old for a professional athlete, but perhaps they could stop commentating on John Higgins like he's about to keel over before he's taken his next shot.

My campaign to increase the size of my chocolate bar collection has been given a huge Boost.

I was in a Writers' Room today and continue to be in absolute awe of the hilarious, creative people that I get to work with. (At one point I laughed so much that I disappeared sideways off my zoom screen.)

Eeeee! Exciting.

Everything reminds me of him...

Does everyone in the Masters audience have the fucking plague? It's been non-stop coughing for about twenty minutes.

Been looking at pictures of myself from 2016 for that AI-training "post a picture of yourself from ten years ago" thing going round. I do kind of miss having 3ft-long hair.

A very happy birthday to one of the most brilliant, talented, funny people I know: @larsum.com! 🎂🥰🥳

#StarfleetAcademy The bits that have made me shriek so far are the names on the wall. Exceptional stuff.

Spouse: Do we have any chocolate? Me: No, sorry darling. Spouse: [BRIEFEST PAUSE] How about now? :(

Stainless steel - The metal you can'trust.

Best bread I've ever eaten: Köln train station.

The Hobbit (1937)

Hi! We're very nice, and quite weird, and if you're nice and/or weird, you should come and be funny with us: first Monday of every month, on zoom. If you do a headline 20 minute set, I'm afraid I will do puns based on your name. 🍓 You have been warned.

This is the sixth episode in a row where I have forgotten that - in order to watch Squid Game - I need to both have the English subtitles on and be looking at the screen. Absolute tit.