My TV is so smart, I've got it plugged into a timer that gives it a hard reset every morning to stop the weekly meltdown where it forgets how to be a TV

When I said I don't follow politics, it's not a sign of the times. I am informed and confident in my views, it's just I'm in an unfamiliar city and you're holding a razor to the back of my neck. You startled me with that Daily Mail dog whistle question. - things I wish I'd said to my barber

Long off Twitter at this stage, but still look at links Tweets. I always find it funny that replies are locked behind the log in, like that's going to convince anyone to sign back up. How can I continue my day without knowing what the cesspit of internet comments thinks about this football clip?

Telegram - telling you when someone from your life you've forgotten about is trying to buy a dodgy sports package

Hello. If you’re doing a show or a fringe run or anything that needs a poster/illustrations this year, I might be your guy. Pay as you feel, or not at all, I truly do not mind. I’m trying to expand my portfolio so you’d also be doing me a favour 🫡

I'm not sure who needs to know this at this time on a Friday night, but the IKEA Greece website has many discontinued item details still available to view including the 2 specific products I needed instructions to

Say what you like about the cost of living but you really can get quite a lot with a couple of quid these days

Don't spend a whole comedy festival day on alternative comedians *Add to basket* Don't spend a whole comedy festival day on alternative comedians? *Add to basket* Don't spend a whole comedy festival day on alternative comedians *Add to basket* ... *Checkout*

Of all the tech and AI they could push at me, Google Photos sure does love to promote photo books. Every month a notification for free delivery, every month swiped away

While I grew up on the internet, my dad resisted. Not tin hat, but pointing out flaws. "Don't trust Wikipedia, anyone could edit it" Old man yells at cloud, right? Now its me with AI summaries. Except I never used Wikipedia to make life decisions, for financial advice, or interpret medical reports

When we talk of brave people, it is never of those who are still eating Christmas Day leftovers. When we talk of genius it is not those amongst them who carry imodium with them

Love these IKEA assembly instructions, they've managed to translate "give it a good ol' slam, no not like that, do it again and really twat it" into minimalistic pictures

Incredible lineup *so far* for next year's Mach

If your Christmas gift for someone is a cleaner/organiser/treatment so that they can *finally* sort out that thing which bugs you personally. It's not too late to throw it in the bin and get something else

First day off for Christmas is it? You'd better go tidy your car with the rest of the world

I've been really enjoying Pluribus, despite seemingly being the only person I know who is watching it. This clearly deliberate line helps me know it's a good one

Comedians who have posters that make them look like other comedians, you know what you're doing, right? It's not a coincidence that the headshot you've used looks incredibly like James Acaster? Does it work?

Modern tech is so good these days, I can seamlessly from my phone... hang on. I can seamlessly... ah wait, they updated it. Seamlessly... oh yeah, I have to use the other app. I can... yeah, continue on basic plan. I can seamlessly... Oops, did it in the wrong order. Seamless

Maybe I'm not in the right circles, but I'm not seeing anyone talking about Comedians Taking Penalties with Chloe Petts. The more regularly than weekly podcast-adjacent YouTube series is a delight. It's a fun way for Petts to monetise a kick about in the park... youtu.be/4CDBM8pTaPA

For the record, Robin Ince is a superb comedian, an absolute mensch, a remarkable thinker and the kindest human you’ll ever meet. And the BBC is a genuinely great and globally unique institution that needs to stop being afraid. I think that’s where most of its faults and issues stem from.

Crunchy grass and icy air

I've always said 6:14, rave time

My desire to see any Linehan content dropped off an absolute cliff a few years ago. I would, however, like to see his full shit list, I'm always looking for comedy recs

10+ years of working with accounts and I still need to Google whether a positive balance in my energy account is a good or bad thing

*how loooong has this been going oooonn*

Pete, you know Pete. Our Jane's Pete, you know, always falling through ceilings. Well anyway, I've found the perfect Christmas present for him

Someone I used to work with bought ones of those tall glass latte cups, just the one, just to be seen with one on Teams meetings #MurderOfAFamousBastard

Comedian wrestling on an actual TV channel is exactly what I need in my Friday night

I once watched 2 coaches chase some cones around the local playing field in one of our many storms. They left without at least 10 of them. That was the most farcical thing I've seen in football, until tonight

Next time I don't want to go somewhere I'll take Rio's advice and just explain that I have factors

One reason I love comedy festivals is the relative relaxed nature. Despite my meticulous planning, if I miss out on someone, I'll see someone else, no drama I don't need to see tour shows Seeing a tour going on sale with dates in 2027, over 2 years in the future reiterates I'm doing it right for me

If anyone wanted to watch Wozniak at Mach on the Friday, there's only 2 tickets left

I've said it before, the panel casting for the Sandi era is near perfect, this W series has been no different. I would love to know how much she's involved, it feels like a lot

Why is there a radio advert campaign for stamps? Surely everyone knows of their existence by now

I'm planning 3 different comedy festivals consecutively and the prices are dumb. I can book 3.5 *full* shows for the same price as one WIP from 'big name'. Then you have some great, established comedians selling their shows for a bag of crisps and a high five.

Just listened to episode 1 of this, very excited for more. I don't think I'll be the one to crack the case but I already like the little references and just nice touches that Mark has put in. Love the casting, bring it on

Technology should have stopped advancing exactly 10 years ago, we'd all be better for it

Google, forever removing great features for no good reason

Looking around at my hobbies since the summer wondering if anyone would be interested in a podcast on the optimal way to fit 3 runs into the week alongside unnecessary DIY and the housework

I have to use Facebook for a couple of groups I'm in, it's as anonymous as it can be. The suggested contacts it gives me are still conceivable, complete strangers. It's been cycling through the same people now I'm starting to think I actually know them when I see their name

Spent the day in a very clearly overwhelmed A&E department (not for me and everything is fine) and my god the NHS, right? Bloody marvellous, every single person who works there

It's been a long time since I dated, but seeing the reaction of those who are surprised by a fictional Joe Wilkinson hitting it off with a fictional Keira Knightly makes me think that I have a better idea than most when it comes to dating 40 year old women

Big light on all day sort of day then is it?

Brad Pitt about to record his latest stand up special where he explores his comedy journey through audience interaction

Reincarnation is crazy maybe my baby kitten is someone's dad? Maybe he ran a McDonald's

I *still* believe that the BBC is excellent, despite its ever growing list of flaws. *When* it's sold off for parts future generations won't know what they missed

There are many subtle and complex arguments one can have about the future of the BBC — but I guarantee you that no other channel or streaming service will be as committed to factual programming, children’s education, history shows, religious discussion, poetry, arts, or state of the nation debate

I don't hate Black Friday because you can no longer get a massive telly for way too cheap. I hate it because it absolutely paralyses my spending for the month of November. I just don't believe that anything is the correct price, it's all inflated so that it can be 'reduced' back to normal for BF

Downloading an app to suppress notifications in other apps because the other apps know when you turn notifications off is a perfect advert for modern tech

Cheers Sky, ruining the F1 for anyone waiting to watch delayed after the football