I did The Dark Room for the lovely Unknown Worlds folks @subnautica.bsky.social during lockdown and they were fantastic to play with. Here’s to the already massive Subnautica 2!

Look at this AI stealing the decent, honest job of a dominatrix

Fucking capitalism, there’s an ad in my hominem attacks

It’ll be nice to see the general population come around to hating Wes Streeting as much as everyone in the NHS does. I would like to ask him where he gets his human skin suit from though, it’s a good fit even though he looks uncomfortable wearing it.

Is Windows 11 a shit millennial dad? Because it would rather search the internet than itself

Something that stung at end of being on Infinite Monkey Cage were frequent backstage invites for various anti trans activists - including to our small party for 201st episode - people who wrote vicious things about me & then lies about me after resignation. It was really rotten. www.robinince.com

It never ceases to amaze me how many election pundits don’t understand the dynamics of First Past the Post, and how vote-splitting works under the UK’s electoral system. John Curtice does. Listen to John Curtice.

I’d believe in the significance of what was happening in the English local council elections if more than 44% of the people eligible to vote had bothered to show up. I’m no political scientist, but a media blitz from the world’s richest fuckheads still couldn’t fight extreme disinterest

Proportional representation, compulsory voting, lower limits on campaign spends, limit on campaign and party donations (overseas and domestic) Voting should feel like a normal way for citizens to engage with issues Being in government should look and feel like the boring job it is

Weird & non-celeb-vehicle sketch shows written by a writers room of professional comedy writers work! WHO KNEW!!! NOW LET'S HAVE EVEN MORE!

There’s UK local elections tomorrow, where folk will get the choice between imported culture war bullshit and picking the people most likely to make sure the recycling gets collected on time

No I’m not sure if I wanted to submit the form again. I didn’t want to submit the form the first time. Motherfucker, I climbed a mountain four days ago and was at one with the majesty of nature, why am I now unsubscribing from emails Are they from the mountain

The shifting of goal posts toward "you can't say you don't like me, it's illegal not to like me" by tech people is in some ways the saddest thing I've ever seen and in others the most infuriating waste of our collective time and energy imaginable and a truly grotesque intrusion on our lives.

when ur on a walk and there's a dog

every mushroom foraging guidebook: This is Woodland Pot Roast, a tasty little mushroom that adds a delightful flavour to soups and stews. Note that it is often mistaken for Satan’s Fistula, a mushroom that erases the last 9 generations of your family from God’s ledgers.

My biggest conspiracy theory is that telling working class people that engagement in the arts is a middle / upper class thing and to do so makes you a class traitor is a psyop to make them disengaged with themselves and the world and the beauty of being human, so that they accept worse treatment.

Great to see @robbotron.bsky.social again earlier this week in Farsley! Such a fucking funny show - if you’ve never experienced The Dark Room, GO asap.

@robbotron.bsky.social Suddenly acutely miss your I AM YOUR COLLECTIVE DAD Twitch streams.

@robbotron.bsky.social thank you for a great show, some very needed laughs and for signing my evil ass skull staff at Debug Festival last Saturday. John Jr. is now chilling out in the corner of my room, just in frame of my webcam.

AI advocates say: Technology will be safe because it will rely on reasonable human judgement. I say: Using AI is proof that your human judgement is entirely worthless. You failed at the very first choice.

Paul Levesque: “I didn’t fire Hulk Hogan… I fired Terry Bollea”. Oh fuck off. That’s the same self-serving semantics that let him keep his ex Chyna out of the WWE Hall of Fame while she was alive because “she does porn”, whilst simultaneously inducting the man she “did porn” with.

Neil fucking rules, I love him

Watched the Hulk Hogan doco on Netflix - 3 episodes are a commercial for WWE - last episode is a dishonest half-effort to separate performer from persona whilst staying in good graces with corporate and government overlords, followed by his deification. Absolute shit.

This might be the only White House Correspondent’s Dinner where not even the comedian dies

I don’t want much, I just want a Japanese Stone Cold Steve Austin shouting “NANI?” after other wrestlers talk

Anyone who thinks “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” should try receiving a compliment

[at the racetrack] sonic the hedgehog: gotta go fast me: didn't know sonic is a christian

social media was a wonderful brain toilet for every random half thought you didn't want to bother real people with before they decided to move all of society and infrastructure and government inside of the toilet

Yes, Swiss scientist Fritz Zwicky coined the term “dark matter” which is impressive, but he also coined the term “spherical bastard” to describe people who are bastards no matter which way you look at them, and I think that should be celebrated more.

I like my women like I like my joke premises, age-appropriate for a 40 year-old man.

This week’s The Dark Room shows: 25/4 Debug Festival Norwich 26/4 Old Woollen Farsley (70% seats already gone!) All shows + tix: thejohnrobertson.com/livedates

It seems like the U.S government’s problem with the Pope is mostly that English is his first language. Much easier to ignore the Bishops Of Rome when they’re subtitled.

Wrestlemania Night 2 - Cena has awful job. Can’t make crowd cheer without info they might want to cheer for. - piss play fan and alleged human trafficker Brock retires, presumably to drink more piss - Hulk Hogan dead gets more TV time than Hulk Hogan alive because Netflix has a doco to promote

Was off social media for the better part of a week except to post work updates and jokes while I travelled 10/10 decrease in exposure to paranoia, loathing, monetised disinformation and all manner of bullshit unless you’re in an active war zone Can recommend!

for an idea of how big a deal this is, my mom was in great shape when she got diagnosed and she lasted less than sixty days. six years is insane.

My old high school principal dealing with WWE: “Now, come on Randy. RKOs don’t come out of nowhere. They come out of your behaviour.”

Wrestlemania so far: - the camera people keep falling over! - someone called Funny Marco got a smaller cheer than a corporate mascot called The General - Alexa Bliss without moth wings = sexy ewok - Seth Rollins has dressed as twenty gloryholed

Hey! It’s Femolition! #wrestlemania

What in A Bug’s Life is going on here #wrestlemania

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

CHARLIE BROWN: Yes mistress, you're right, mistress, I'm a blockhead! a hopeless blockhead! DOMINATRIX: wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah

The life of a touring stand-up is why this was my last week: - solo show in Harpenden, UK - fly to Bermuda - three shows on a cruise boat - arrive New York 6:30am yesterday - arrive 6am London today - now on a train to Newcastle to get a train to North Shields for a show - 4am train home

The Emperor of THE DARK ROOM, Mr. John Robertson, joins us for a hysterical discussion on Neurodivergent Moments podcast. Check out the full episode wherever you get your podcasts and check out @robbotron.bsky.social to get the most seductive t-shirts in the comedy merch game. 😎

ChatGPT! It has its frothing haters... Unemployed Artist: My career and entire industry's been destroyed, to save CEOs a tiny percent of money they don't need ...But it also has its innovative enthusiasts! Some guy, grinning at us, covered in blood: THE GOD INSIDE MY PHONE SAYS I'M THE CHOSEN ONE

YouTube videos being presented like 90s documentaries "You might think that video games are: good. Great. Maybe even... decent. But what if I told you they actually sucked shit?"

I suspect the Pope sounds "woke" to many Christian conservatives because the US is steeped in prosperity theology, where the point of worship is to deliver health and wealth to believers. Thus, "feed the hungry" and "show mercy for the poor" sounds needlessly political and "woke."

New Neurodivergent Moments podcast episode featuring the DUKE of THE DARKROOM, the KING of CYBERPUNK @robbotron.bsky.social himself. Talking about Set it & Forget It mindset, dulcimers, and climbing the Eiffel Tower. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hosted by @joewellscomic.bsky.social & me

Got some scam emails about being featured in a @bookriot.bsky.social “GoodReads Challenge” for a mere $141. Very polite, and from two AI-generated authors with AI-written books you can depressingly buy for real money. I hope both of them are genuinely killed by the same heart attack! Morning!

Have Jewish communities not suffered enough without Kanye West also wanting to meet them