Oh my god I’m older than Scott Calvin in Santa Clause

Yeah that’s fair

Keep seeing people say that Bob Cratchit would be on £60k per year adjusted for inflation and that Scrooge was better than modern bosses, but, Bob Cratchit was on 15 shillings per week for 60 hours of work. So 75p in new money, but, doing that job now he’d be on 40 hours per week.

Drunk guy on a work do tried to “help” me do my set tonight. Video out in the new year 😈

John Lloyd is probably responsible for more laughs in my life than any other single person in history.

My interview with John Lloyd is now available on BBC Sounds if you want to give it a listen... peel your ears for, I think, an agreement from him that I should indeed be allowed to do QI... www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

I could live to be 487 and it’ll never stop pissing me off how many symptoms end up meaning “thirsty”

I know there are bigger issues in the world but someone on this train has been slow release farting every 2-3 minutes from East Croydon to Haywards Heath and it’s raaaaaank

For sure, the way he struts across the stage while I’m closing the first section influences how hard I go on quite a mild heckle when he pops back round.

Love it or hate it the Zune is here to stay, google+ is here to stay, the Blackberry is here to stay, the Sinclair C5 is here to stay, the NEC PC Engine is here to stay, Enron is here to stay, Theranos is here to stay, Worldcom is here to stay etc etc etc.

Apologies to anyone who was enjoying being in my life but last night in conversation with someone in tech I mentioned several times the data storage amount "trilobite" until they placed there hand on my hand and very calmly said " do you mean terabyte" and I can't be me anymore

Very much reminds me of the time my youngest called me up one night whereupon she handed me a shit she'd done, through the door, like I'd won a prize. She was in nappies at the time but nappy, bed, floor, all clean. Leading me to believe she shat in her own hands before summoning me to show off.

Just the worst way to start a day

A remake of A Christmas Carol but Scrooge has invested heavily in a robot that follows him around telling strangers how fit he is

I love Robin. We’ve been friends for many many years and he truly is the best of us.

For the record, Robin Ince is a superb comedian, an absolute mensch, a remarkable thinker and the kindest human you’ll ever meet. And the BBC is a genuinely great and globally unique institution that needs to stop being afraid. I think that’s where most of its faults and issues stem from.

It is okay to smell like wet dog if you have been making friends with a wet dog.

Any other millennial parents relate...? Breaking the cycle of childhood discipline is hard but you if you can't laugh about it what can you do?!

Yes! We know you have missed us since the end of series one but never fear because on Thursday we are back with a Working From Home episode where we look through your correspondence and investigate a suggestion from none other than podcast royalty Greg Jenner.

Bah I just threw my toys out the pram on stage at a gig. Twice I asked a table to stop talking and the third time I just straight up lost it with them like be anywhere else and have your chat except in the room this gig is in

it might seem surprising that the people who said “look, let trans people live their lives, but i have Reasonable Concerns about sports and toilets” aren’t up in arms about this, but what you have to remember is that those people who said that are liars who were lying

Sometimes, someone throws something out that hits a nerve so irritating to me that if I'm totally honest with myself I put trying to be funny second and my desire to deal with the irritating things come out as top priority.

We got new merch! Perfect for holidays gifts for every member of your family. Check out the new designs at store.tcgte.com

Nothing says feminism like forcing women to do something they have been vocal about not wanting to do.

Genuine question... why is one person talking on their phone on a train more annoying than two people on a train having a conversation in person?

#ComedyPodcastOfTheDay #LexxEducation @lauralexx.bsky.social Discussing rocky haircuts & Tate Britain, before a delightful segue into our second history lesson! Last time they covered Henry the 8th to do the build up to Lizzie 1 and now on to the lass herself Elizabeth 1st shorturl.at/8GKVL

Sometimes you get out of the car, do a gig, get back in the car, and the fart is still there.

Christ on a donated fucking bike. Was Christianity not literally dreamed up to combat a world without a welfare state?!

Ta da!

Something I have to remember which will save me a lot of time and heartache is that part of being a comedian is thinking in an offbeat way and seeing the world differently. And that is why my marketing ideas go down like cold sick.

Tour announcement tomorrow. It feels like seconds ago the last one started. I am excited to be able to go out again so soon though.

Anyone relate…? Filmed with full time legends The Noise Next Door

This is nothing particularly special, so please don’t think I’m sharing this in the online spirit of “gaze upon my brilliance - this is a moment beyond compare.”

Oh! Yday, stopped in traffic, I saw someone lighting a cigarette using one of those car cigarette igniters. It might be the first time I’ve ever actually seen one used!

Today I told my dog a story about how she once won a cross species animal beauty contest (as an angel fish) and was so beautiful she was granted another life and came back as a dog and that’s how she’s so beautiful. Really caught myself part way through that one and had to reevaluate how I am atm

Sorry, you want me to trust my gut? The same gut that thinks we should try and survive on just Wotsits and Caramel Rockys? That gut?

Both my books, Pivot and Klopp Actually, are available to purchase signed and direct from me via my website - lauralexx.co.uk/books They would make wonderful Christmas presents for your loved one and support an author (me) directly, which makes a HUGE difference. Hope they appeal!

The whole is series one is now up and released… what a joy this has been! Actual proper information and joyous nerdery. So proud of it.

I know I’m reaching absolute saturation of 24hr news induced vague worry (AI, pedophile world leaders, climate change etc) when my brain just plays on a loop “all natural ingredients” from the Dolmio advert

It's always very funny seeing online attempts to use London to make a point about immigration or socialism or basic decency having failed. This week with the New York Mayoral election it's been worse than usual so I thought this video would be fun this week.

My kid is starting to sound out letters and begin reading and it's a heart bursting feeling. Having her around is the greatest thing in my life. Having this little inquisitive goblin who just wants to be busy all the time and is at the beginning of everything brilliant

The nyt editors already have a biased angle in mind. They’re not seeking facts, they’re looking for quotes to fill in a predetermined narrative of bigotry. Every nyt story about us is intended to spread disinformation and foment discrimination. The leadership’s anti-trans animosity is deeply held

We’re driving from Inverness to Brighton today and at the service station my child has asked me for £1.50 to play in… a car

Leaving after a week with my sister today. I know it’ll feel normal and fine and life just swooshes into the void but right now it feels unbearable to leave.

Really enjoying this podcast series The Comedy Bureau that looks at the theory of comedy — this episode examines why we laugh? pca.st/episode/cba5...

What do you mean they were never known as the Barenstein Mice?!

Sex scene with Mr Collins, anyone? It's the perfect time for some Austen-inspired fiction & I hugely enjoyed this heartfelt, romantic & v. funny imagining of the life of Charlotte Lucas from @rachelparris.bsky.social (Honestly, don’t let the sex thing put you off, it’s lovely) Out 6 Nov 📚 🌟

I’m a bit heartbroken and baffled… I just woke up to an email to say YouTube have deleted the whole Comedy Bureau channel on the grounds of spam, deception or fraud?! It’s just gone. I’m baffled and devastated.

It’s SUCH a good episode of Lexx Ed this week… if you’ve ever wanted to dip your toe but didn’t know where to start then TRY THIS WEEK. It’s our Halloween special all about the history of blood transfusions and blood…

I’m vaguely obsessed with “Did You Know” accounts that like to tell you all your favourite moments in films were improvised. “it Wasn’t even in the SCRIPT” or “he wasn’t acting… he was just reacting in the moment”