I got that coveted 2:30pm on the Wednesday slot for this year’s Download Festival. I’m on at The Den. Can’t wait

I don’t think your own national team playing sport should be allowed to be put behind a paywall. It feels like that should be a regulator thing where they say that has to be put on a free to view channel somehow

The problem with late capitalism is that eventually you run out of other people's money

I am actively enjoying the cricket today

I am enjoying the cricket a little more today

I have not enjoyed the cricket today.

Me: why is my house constantly full of rubble and mulch and dust?! Also me: leaves the house barefoot 5,000 times and walks rubble and mulch and dust back into the house past th heap of shoes by the door designed to stop this problem

Martin Clunes is fantastic in Wuthering Heights

My agent says the key to success is identifying the core audience that really matches you. So, has anyone else spent the weekend double screening County Cricket and Real Housewives? Specifically Somerset v Sussex and Beverley Hills if that helps.

At wet t-shirt contest Participant next to me: "dude, what are you doing?" Me: *eating another wet t-shirt* "mind your fuken business, loser"

Yes, when I’m in hotels I’m an environmental demon and I request new towels every day BUT I make up for it by almost never washing my towels at home

“Were you born to be a stand up comedian, Laura?” No, it’s impossible that I was because I was born before smart phone navigation and there’s absolutely no way I would have found my way to my first gig on a paper based map situation

I've done 8 jobs today that I've been putting off INCLUDING 2 difficult to get my head round emails, a total financial look at the year to date AND booking flights that are scary and unaffordable. I can't believe my laptop didn't have a secret cake dispensary drawer that popped open upon this feat

“While I’ve got you…” oh no no no, please don’t think that just because I replied to one message I am in any way more likely to reply to this next one you have no idea how easily distracted

My tour Yo-Yo is on sale now if you need some autumn joy to look forward to… www.lauralexx.co.uk/live

Plot twist: you AND the dog are both anxious⁠ ⁠ @lauralexx.bsky.social is with us for 3 nights only this week so best get your skates on.

I am sick of myself and it’s probably my hair cuts fault. Me, every 18 months

This video is dedicated to that audience in Brisbane last week where I couldn't say chimney sweeping and called it chimpney swimping for about 15 minutes.

★ Neon Nights with Nina Conti ★ Singalong with @thehornesection.bsky.social ★ @lauralexx.bsky.social ★ Paul Black ★ Joep Beving ★ Su Mi ★ The Receipts Podcast sohotheatre.com/all-shows

wish I'd done more fucking around prior to this miserable eternity of finding out

Feeling sassy might delete later idk

Some stand up comedy. I'm in the process of retiring this bit I think but I do love it.

Was great to meet with @oliverdouble.bsky.social and talk about Linda Smith.

I'm not joking when I say mRNA technology is more important than "AI" and it's a tragedy we're throwing billions into one while our government is aggressively defunding the other.

10 more days in Australia left. A few tickets left for Sunday in Melbourne. Next week off to Brisbane. Then home to my baby girl.

I hated everything about trying for a baby.

I'm going to admit something that I can't tell the real world. I haven't been home for 2 months due to tour and yeah sure I miss my kid and husband and dogs and friends etc But more than anything I miss my own kitchen knives and I'm actively fantasising about slicing cleanly through a tomato

What kind of dog would be mean about your favourite spread sheet? An XL Bully

I love stand up comedy 🤷‍♀️ The career path is weird in this industry so please see me in my best format: at my nearest live show to you. All live shows available via my website! Book early to avoid me cancelling them due to low ticket sales.

Sushi pieces are getting too big. Halve them for the love of god and just let us buy more of them

Just had the comedy dream. Messing about in the green room said a load of stuff and the other comic went “that’s funny - do that on stage” and I did and it worked and god if it could all be like that with never any writing

Can I get some advice? In a couple of weeks I'll be returning from a 2.5 month trip to Australia. It's all been absolutely fine BUT I'm starting to dread people asking "How was Australia?" when I get back because bleugh where do you start and fuck I don't know it was loads of things.

It’s not box wine, it’s cardboardeaux.

We start out with a picture paint in this one… subtle stupid posh character voice and a description to build the image for the audience. Notice I do this as I’m walking away from the guy. Two reasons for that:

Tiny reminder if you’re a London comedy fan that I’m back at the Soho Theatre for the first time in 7 years with my multi award winning and nommed show Slinky. It’s 7/8/9 May and the last ever outing of the beast. Lauralexx.co.uk/live for tickets 🎟️

First time in Australia and I'm learning a few things

Haven't done one of these in a while but I'm feeling a little less insecure so here goes!

I’m away on a big trip. 2.5 months away working. And the guilt at leaving my family to do this is overwhelming. Overwhelming. And the whole time I’ve been telling myself I’m showing my daughter that it’s possible to be a mum and have this life. But this voice in my head is like

I'm looking forward to seeing Laura here in England later this year. Aussie people, take the chance to go see her NOW!

Laura Lexx is exceptionally funny and if you’re in Adelaide you should go see her. If she doesn’t sell out this show I think it says dark things about the Australian psyche and we should probably cut diplomatic ties.

People of Adelaide (or people who know people in Adelaide - pass it along): Laura Lexx is the best, the funniest comedian out there. You should go and see her. You will not regret it and you will be grateful to me for recommending it and be indebted to me for the rest of your life.

Dear Aussies, Laura Lexx is very funny. Go and see her show(s). 👍

I need your help

Me at home: well I cannot write here there are simply too many distractions like the TV and the internet and all of my possessions. I shall go to a simple cafe with just my notepad and my brain and I will write like a renaissance queen.

I’m in a park. It’s warm. I have somewhere nice to lie down. I’m listening to a good podcast. I have nowhere to be for 4 hours and nothing that urgently needs doing. Why is every second thought I have “ope well, probably time to head back”?

This week on “Hypermobility Isn’t Just About Being A Flexible Shag Pretzel” we are covering Why is my thumb able to pop in a different direction suddenly? Why can I see that ligament today? And, our regular feature “All My Joints Sound Like Granola”

“You can be a genius and you can be kind. And one of those things does not have to come at the expense of the other.” Seth Rogen, on Catherine O’Hara

I love it at a charity gig when the Compere is like “these comedians are giving their time for free” Like time is limited for us. Me: *nods graciously* I did indeed only watch 3/4 of a series of Real Housewives today so I could be here