SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

Could be worse. Probably will be.

Giving a hammer to a Tesla Optimus robot and calling it ChatCBT

Shortly after getting their first vaccine, my child developed a personality.

No one: Labour: Women are too fat.

can't stop watching this clip of a tesla Optimus teleoperator taking his headset off before properly logging out the robot

No one want to date the guy that wants to make the world a worse place 😞

Yes, yes. That meeting could have been an email. We know. But, more importantly, that YT video should have been a blog post.

When the conductor announces the list of stations the train will be stopping at, everyone should cheer when their station is called out

Several Republican members of Congress have said that they are retiring to spend more time with other people's children.

Finally getting some theological clarity on the ethics of reclining in one’s plane seat

Happy Thanksgiving do you think jar jar binks sucked dick regular or extra sloppy?

turkey pardoned by trump rearrested for drunk driving and gun possession

Grandma Thankfully Dies Before Sister’s Girlfriend Arrives https://theonion.com/grandma-thankfully-dies-before-sisters-girlfriend-arrives/

RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-denies-ever-laying-eggs-in-olivia-nuzzi/

People don’t hate datacenters being built near them, they hate *anything* being built near them. The median position is never build anything

To anyone disappointed that the new cool pope is against polyamory, you kind of set yourself up for that one

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

Look, Nvidia thought it was a gaming company and OpenAI thought it was a charity so if you're expecting either of those companies to have some master plan to avoid the bubble popping you need to look elsewhere.

NVIDIA TO INVEST 50 BILLION INTO AIDIVN, A TOTALLY DIFFERENT COMPANY AND NOT JUST NVIDIA SPELLED BACKWARDS

I grew up Catholic and you told me 3 beings should unconditionally love me and somehow this is my fault

PARTY HOST: Whoa, look who decided to show up ten minutes late! It's Mr. Punctual! EVERYONE: (laughs) ME: (typing on phone) ME: (typing) ME: (takes photo of host) ME: (typing) ME: (typing) ME: (stifling laughter to self) ME: (typing) ME: Oh yeah? Well your hair is brown, you short cunt.

I think it would be even funnier if Bubba was Bill Gates.

Incredible headline.

"Elon would dominate as the ultimate throat goat"

Checking in on MechaHitler

This is awful I hope Jeffries writes a strong worded tweet.

lmao France

lmfao

[dying] Bruce you’re gonna be okay I’ll avenge you dad Don’t worry son be good for Alfred I’m gonna dress up like a Bat, father I … what I’ll fight clowns for you A lot of blood … Am I hallucinating Instead of getting married I will practice defusing exploding mechanical penguins I love you

mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

when will the lesson finally get learned? #cloudflare

The 1/2 last toast from the legend herself: Valhalla really really reeked of beer, but Jennell seems happy The other angels are tired of me saying “fight for the other users” while throwing my halo around - Becky

Me pulling down my trousers: “Baby, don’t worry, it’s not a worm.”

Si ca continue on va finir pas trouver Eolas dans les Epstein files lol

Hitler is selling is stake in The Torment Nexus Inc. Is the bubble about to burst?

Anthropic CEO warns: AI is going to eliminate most investors money within 5 years.

I did not blow Bill Clinton but if I had it would have been the best blowjob he would have had in his life. I give tremendous blowjobs. Best in the world.

No, the average man is not implicated in 17 sex scandals. Bill Clinton is an outlier and should not have been counted

wifes love asking shit like "Honey, what is the Blowjob Olympics?" and "Why is 'Blowjob Olympics' listed on our CC statement like 14 times"

i now believe that jeffrey epstein killed himself because if i wrote like that i would kill myself

I KNEW IT