It’s my Emotional Support Punk Playlist.

Sometimes I am such a goddamn idiot.

Bitch, you’d best bet if you have a racist magnet on your car, I am ripping that shit off and throwing it out.

Every time I eat an Uncrustable, I have to say out loud, “I am an adult!”

if any crave redress of injustice, they should exhibit their petitions in the street

Boy it’s been a long time since I’ve taken a tactical chunder. I did win at darts twice though!

"I don't see colour" is a wild way to admit you couldnt finish Mass Effect 3

Fuck it I don’t care anymore

I thought Harley had forgotten our Christmas gifts, but no! I just found FOUR ticks on her! 🥰🥰🥰

Tickets (finally!) booked for Spain!

Can check!

I think my parents have been chosen by the Cat Distribution System.

these three ghosts could've been an email

That moment when you start up an old movie and it has a cultural sensitivity warning right off the bat… Oof.

Miss Fizzle

i had to drop what i was doing to make this

I asked the bartender for a “whatever you drink when you’re mad at your sibling,” and laughed hard when she handed me a double tequila soda.

Stopclock of “How Long Since I’ve Been Disappointed in/Angry at My Sister” has been reset. Didn’t even make it 24 hours.

can't fucking wait to turn 36 and become a double adult who can watch mega pornography and buy the good cigs that make you healthier

You ever taste something so bland you wonder if you have covid?

My response to anything over the next two weeks

good morning, identity can not be legislated away, trans children exist and they are perfect in their transness, gender affirming care for children is beautiful and marvelous

@captmarkkelly.bsky.social hey asshole don't repeatedly beg me for money if you're just gonna vote like a Republican

There are a lot more vibrators in the Sharper Image catalog than I would’ve thought.

19.

WHY the fuck does that commercial use the Bridge Over the River Kwai song???

why she looks like the moon in Majora's Mask

i stand by this statement every year

Who likes voting for the Outright Racists or the Inept Enablers?

ChatGPT cuts the crusts off my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I'm a big business boy.

men would rather go back to raccoon city than go to therapy

Holy shit, I just ordered the most balls-to-the-wall cocktail that actually works. It’s called Lady of Shallot and is a riff on a Gibson and it is so oniony and so gin-y and it smells like pickled onions and it is so fucking creative that my mind is blown. I love it when someone just GOES FOR IT.

My plan of just playing so much New Order until it breaks the music algorithm at work is well under way

jealousy psychiatrist

> The King of Dust deals 1 dust damage to your home! > The King of Dust deals 1 dust damage to your home! > The King of Dust casts Dust Tornado! > The King of Dust deals 1 dust damage to your home!

Bought homemade kahlua from a bartender- it’s either going to be amazing or awful, and I am willing to find out!

I fucked up and ran out of my beta blocker and the refill won’t be here until Wednesday. This is not an experience I would like to repeat.

adult Gushers (Advil PM Liquigels)

Anybody have any reading recommendations for people dealing with aging parents? Could be on the emotion-managing side or on the more practical “things to look out for” side.

Totally misattributed where I knew someone from and now I have to live in it. :(

It’s just all so fucking stupid, and for what? What value are these men bringing into the world? What great insight do they have that requires them to have a lot of power and money and speech? They have nothing, they are nothing, they just can’t let any of them fall because then they all will.

Pro tip: if you want to show off at a potluck and have a food processor, make a compound butter! Took like no time (already had roasted garlic) and is delicious!

A sign of a recession is dispensaries having shitty Black Friday deals

Nothing says Thanksgiving like fireworks 🙄

Sweet potato pie > pumpkin pie

My portion of the meal: -Roasted garlic and herb compound butter -Oven roasted mushrooms tossed with amontillado sherry reduction (compound butter, shallots, fresh thyme) -Mashed potatoes -Hartwell Farms corn pudding ….

food takes are what got jean valjean into trouble

maybe i am going insane

NO MORE. no one tell me anything else, i am done hearing things