Victor #Osimhen stabil!

that’s the worst result for a Tudor against the Spanish for half a millennium

I see Tottenham Hotspur Football Club are having a totally normal one.

We all know the zip code to Beverley Hills is 90210, but the zip code to Dawson's Creek is 90108 (for our lives to be over).

Me and Emma Watson watched a man read Beowulf while two women smeared his bare chest with peanut butter.

An Englishman on his way to work in a Sharia court/windmill

“my dog is in dubai”

Impressive how Starmer's done a speedrun of the Blair years - from turfing out the Tories after a generation to supporting an illegal American war in the Middle East - without first passing through being really popular by fixing Britain's public services and offering a positive vision of Britain.

world-altering decisions are being made by a cabal of gambling addicts hell bent on self enrichment no matter the cost to humanity, we should look into that.

gee I wonder

BREAKING: The NEC has sensationally BLOCKED Andy Burnham from standing to become the next Ayatollah

"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school

Lackey: but sir, what are we going to do about the threat from the greens!? Starmer, turning in his revolving chair to face the windows:…release the beavers.

I’m sorry, I know it’s a minor point, but crack dens are traditionally indoor establishments. What the scaremongering Labour minister is describing here is a crack paddock.

While we're all celebrating that no one is above the law, a reminder that the current King accepted literal bags full of cash from the Prime Minister for a foreign country and the Met failed to interview or arrest the then Crown Prince before quietly closing the case. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-6194...

Man who moved abroad to avoid hundreds of millions of pounds of tax and whose business have benefited from hundreds of millions of pounds of public funds believes that, 'Britain has been "colonised" by immigrants, who are draining resources from the state.'

God rest her paedophile protecting soul 🥹🇬🇧

What a week it’s been for my telegram crytpo crashing alter ego ‘dark web John Virgo’

The Traitors Ireland is shot with the big light on

Surely Starmer has to go now, and the only sensible thing to do is bring Sam Allardyce in for the rest of the term to steady the ship.

See you later Keith.

Me watching Rice and Grealish play for England at Euro 2020

Definitely seems like they destroyed the country on purpose.

Probably safer to start from the basis that all billionaires are paedophiles until proven otherwise.

Can you imagine if someone told you that they were clowning on your goofy ass in the Epstein secret chats

Hearing a lot of really bad stuff about this Epstein guy.

The definition of pulling the ladder up behind you.

if you ban my child from using his smartphone how is he supposed to do online gambling

I wonder what Londoners know that the rest of the country don’t?

Welcome to everyone joining Bluesky from twitter. Someone will be assigned to you to misunderstand one of your jokes and scream at you shortly.

Don’t make me tap the traitors post

Traitors producer 1: What’s the task going to be today? Traitors producer 2: just lob a load of shite in the woods for them to find again. BAFTA: would you like some awards?

‘10.8 million families use X as their main news source’

900 days sober. Mind how you go, be lucky.

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

me: you boy what day is it today? boy: nonces shout out of the window day. me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.

I'm bored so here once again is the greatest Christmas title sequence in TV history

This is such a shitshow. It’s magic.

Who put 20p in Lauryn Hill?

Fuck FIFA so hard in whatever hole they consent to the least.

‘If I don’t see you through the week, I’ll see you through the window’

epstein emails released and everyone coming out as a pedophile to defend donald trump

A radio programme like the Shipping Forecast but it’s called Bin Day and it just reads out every single council in the country’s bin schedule

We've been waiting a while 😉

Love you, @dulwichhamletfc.bsky.social

nothing on Earth has moved faster today than the fingers of racists composing racist posts

Was just reading about the history of BST, clocks changing etc, and discovered that the dude who campaigned for it in the early 20th century, a builder called William Willett, is the great-great grandfather of Chris Martin from Coldplay, which is what the song “Clocks” should be about, but isn’t