This stuff that some people put on their, say, dining room tables. Fluffy underside, wipe-clean top side. What do YOU call it?

It’s the time of year when people on Facebook grumble about how it has gone to shit because they all they see is adverts — whole groups of friends, waiting for each other to post something, but everyone is just scrolling instead, and of course FB is shit but it can’t magic up posts that don’t exist

I asked a cashier what his sweatshirt meant (4 progressively angry, bearded faces, left to right). He said that he found it on the side of the road, and it spoke to him.

Walked around a corner once and someone up the road was bowling a fake cricket delivery so I did a fake slog back over his head. He turned around to fake watch the ball go for six, and put his hands on his head in fake exasperation

My son worked in a bakery as a teenager. A middle-aged customer asked for a white loaf, and then, in the jocular way the middle-aged speak to young people, said: "Slice me up that bad boy!" My son, feigning incomprehension, said "Sorry?" Crestfallen, the man replied "Can I have it sliced please?"

A stranger asked me for directions. After I gave him them he said, "Here take this as thanks," and handed me the paperback book he was holding. Once it was in my hands and before I could respond he said, "it's shit." Then hurried off

I really want social media to be just this kind of thing for ever more

Exquisite

Returning from a foraging walk with a giant puffball mushroom in the exact shape of a bum, a hippyish woman of 50something coming the other way saw it, said “do you mind if I…?” and without waiting for an answer stuck her nose right in the cleft and took a big sniff

Earlier today I barked “No!”at a man putting his shopping in my trolley in Aldi before adding a fake laugh so it appeared less aggressive.

I was standing in the middle of George Street in Hove having just bought some red kale from the market, and an old man came up to me and said 'What's that? Cos I don't like the look of it!'

Ivor has been treated to all kinds of outings this holiday - theatre, ice skating, light trails, all thoughtfully booked in advance by his brilliant mum - but this morning I am giving him the ultimate Xmas experience: it’s time to go to the car wash. (NB: I know this is not a picture of a car wash)

Please quote this with stories of your minor interactions with non-celebrities, e.g. “I once accidentally bumped into a man in the Wellingborough branch of Holland & Barrett”

Got the most recent series of FROM THE OASTHOUSE for Xmas and it’s making me laugh so many times per minute, just wonderful, brilliant writing. Then I saw some bad reviews on Amazon from people who don’t think it’s funny and it made me sad

I refer the New York Times to the ITV kids show Tiswas

I dunno, cricket fans on social media. Angry when their team loses, angry when their team wins for not having won more often. Grudging approval when a batsman plays an extravagant shot for 6, fury when the batsman plays the *same shot* but gets out cos the ball moved slightly off the seam at 80mph.

I deleted the thing I posted about recliner chairs because I am thin skinned and cannot cope with being made to look stupid

In the fog of Boxing Day I have just slumped on a sofa and for no particular reason tried to think of a four letter word that can be made out of four consecutive letters of the alphabet and I have concluded that RUST is the only one, so that was worthwhile. Oh, and RUTS. 😴

My son bought me what I thought was a drill. Turned out to be a toblerone gaffer-taped to a bottle of Bailey’s.

I’m very fond of Ru Paul’s explanation of the origin of the (magnificent) catchphrase “she done already done had herses”

Morning Byrhtnoth, sorry about the whole Battle Of Maldon thing

Sombre fact of the day

Blimey @rhodri.biz #DuvetKnowItsChristmas nudging £25k @centrepointuk.bsky.social www.gofundme.com/f/duvet-know...

Cooked Xmas dinner for 8 today, first time I’ve done it At Scale. Through sheer ignorance I roasted the turkey upside down. My dad tried to carve it and said “it’s upside down”. I apologised, but was later told that roasting turkeys upside down is a thing, so I should have said “I know, what of it”

I asked for framed prints of ballet dancers from the premiere of the Rite Of Spring, and framed prints of ballet dancers from the premiere of the Rite Of Spring is what I got. (Actually I think it’s from the Drury Lane performances four weeks later, but hey) ♥️

Ignore, if you can, the dancing llama - does anyone know this tune? Shazam isn’t turning up anything. This is not urgent, repeat not urgent

Hours. I simmered those bones for hours.

Speaking as someone who doesn’t normally MAKE STOCK for gravy, I’m currently having to remind myself that when it comes to the crunch, I don’t just pour the whole lot through a sieve and down the sink, leaving myself with a load of mush, which must surely happen quite regularly to stressed cooks

A community I can relate to. #DuvetKnowItsChristmas Yes, that's a spine

In the craft/loft room for #duvetknowitschristmas along with an ostrich egg (who knows), whilst some really freaky wooden frogs watch me sleep…? Cuckoo clock goes off every hour. Wish me luck!

getting prepped for our night in the kitchen, in-laws happily tucked up in our room #DuvetKnowItsChristmas

180! We’re in the cabin #duvetknowitschristmas

Sofa bed with huge, suspicious yoga pillow. I have, however, unplugged the baby monitor as I’m not making *that* mistake again this year. #DuvetKnowItsChristmas @rhodri.biz

I’m in the Laura Ashley roof space of #DuvetKnowItsChristmas again, along with a lifetime of Secondary School History teacher’s paperwork and all the craft supplies. Do donate to Centrepoint if you can, check out @rhodri.biz for more on this annual wonder!

Morning all! Ivor remained asleep until 6am, bless him. Just had a look and we tipped 20k, which is magnificent. I’m going to repost some pix that I missed while slumbering. Thank you thank you #DuvetKnowItsChristmas www.gofundme.com/f/duvet-know...

Sorry, I was about to go to sleep and then this arrived and now I’m on high #DuvetKnowItsChristmas alert

Early in the festive family party, the youngest volunteers to sleep here #DuvetKnowItsChristmas

You spectacularly generous people have raised £13k so far. We have a beyond-excited three year old likely to wake us at 5am, so it’s an early night here. I’ll have to catch up with the pix in the morning ♥️ #DuvetKnowItsChristmas www.gofundme.com/f/duvet-know...

A #DuvetKnowItsChristmas entry from my neighbourhood WhatsApp group - think the brother in law might be posting later…

Got an unusual view, en-suite, kitchen facilities and slightly bemused cat - tick that off your bingo!! #duvetknowitschristmas

#duvetknowitschristmas at the mother-in-law's, whose late father looks on disapprovingly from the bedside table

Pretty tame entry for #DuvetKnowItsChristmas in some respects, BF's childhood room with an additional occupant, but I'm not sure how we ever sleep over the sound of that wallpaper

One of the greatest Christmas traditions, thanks to lovely @rhodri.biz - here's the link to contribute if you can ❤️

#DuvetKnowItsChristmas My poor son and daughter-in-law have been relegated to the study this year because the room they normally sleep in is full (literally) of my other daughter-in-law-to-be’s wedding dress hanging up and I don’t dare touch it!

I’ve just discovered #DuvetKnowItsChristmas, where people share the funny/awkward/downright strange sleeping situations they find themselves in while visiting family. While I’m comfortably in my own home this year, when I visit my parents in their teeny retirement cottage, my bed looks like this 🤣

Me, Mum & Dulcie - Spare Room Jim & Dani - Our Room You & Charles - Living room sofas Your Dad- Office Your Mum - Attic My Dad - Shed My son’s gf’s list for the #duvetknowitschristmas arrangements. 10 adults, including 2 sets of divorced parents. Last line makes me howl. I have the best deal.

We're certainly not slumming it at my sister's but we do have lounge sleeping, sofa bed, duvet & sleeping bag...and my sister's youngest son who has been evicted (albeit to his girlfriend) for this magic to happen 🎄🥰 #DuvetKnowItsChristmas

Wife's office all set for the father-in-law. #duvetknowitschristmas

improvements.. #DuvetKnowItsChristmas

Even though this isn't #DuvetKnowItsChristmas it feels very much in the same spirit