“My favourite time of day is when my husband is dead. I mean asleep. I have a coffee, check my email, and get ready for the day. DIE, DONALD! WHY WON’T YOU DIE?”

🧵

Spotted on Facebook- just had to share

Listening to @mrjamesob.bsky.social and after saying the name 'Douglas Carswell' immediately quipped 'What a Country' and I nearly spat my tea...

It seems as though there’s always a #Babylon5 reference these days, @straczynski.bsky.social’s gift for prophecy being proven increasingly and disturbingly on-point. (I understand the toy store folks are pushing back legally. Good luck to them).

As requested by Luke Hooverhead

In this mad timeline in which #Babylon5 is a playbook and not a warning, we are now deep in the "Point Of No Return" phase. Next we find out who in the military is prepared to follow illegal orders. And if we get to "Severed Dreams", that's when the President orders the bombing of civilian targets.

Autocorrect has rearranged the letters of the word “Wanker” there for some reason.

Greenland

Well it sounds terrible when you put it like that!

Real Americans stand like theyre the front half of a centaur

A coffee forward venue named BEAN ME UP, BISCOTTI

Nice to see @katiemeluaofficial.bsky.social has updated her classic, but I don't think the lyrics are as poetic as the original.

"I will feed him." #StarTrek #Lego

For a few seconds I thought #Lego had included an Armus Easter egg in the new #StarTrek set, but it turned out to be Troi's hair.

Spare a thought this festive season for those who will be spending the Yuletide period all on their own, with no family to visit them. People like ‘A’, who will spend this Christmas without any of his titles. From the new Private Eye, out now.

I’m so out of touch with popular culture that I spent a few moments wondering who ”More Reportedly Eyed” was.

A male rock ptarmigan (Lagopus muta) in winter plumage. Ptarmigan is from Gaelic 'tarmachan' meaning "croaker". The p- was added when people mistakenly assumed it was a Greek word. A bird forever warning people: "A werewolf!" (just in case of werewolves).

Police say they're now seasoned travellers. It's goodnight from me. And it's goodnight from him. Goodnight.

excited to award my kids the Burger King Peace Prize this weekend

Bit of a dark plot line, this one. I prefer the ones with the Daleks.

💥 This is the economic equivalent of a senior Vatican priest admitting the Pope is wrong about God. Even the architects of Brexit are confessing the truth 👉while Farage still lies.

*GARGANTUAN* 💥 Economist for Brexit admits 🟥 Brexit made Britain poorer 🟥 Biz investment collapsed 🟥 Productivity weakened 🟥 EU-facing firms cut jobs & spending 🟥 Trade barriers drag economy down 🟥 Brexit deepened fiscal crisis 🟥 No meaningful upsides 🟥 The damage undeniable in data 🧵

not saying i had a hand in this but i’m not not saying that

An entire new dimension of naffness:

World's happiest bus. 🥰😂🤣👇

ooh an email titled Important information about your subscription, I wonder if the price is going down

Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):

Updating my LEGO White House

I was in hysterics in the supermarket this morning. Surely this is not what The Prodigy were singing about!

Fuente Desconocida

Acetaminophen is actually easy to pronounce. The ending is "meta fin" and the beginning is "ah see da" as in "ah see da Epstein files still haven't been released"

"Go take a flying f*ck at a..." (with apologies to Kurt Vonnegut)

There are really only two interpretations: 1. Starmer is a colossal racist who has accidentally said the quiet bit out loud, or 2. He is not a colossal racist but just wants to end the use of hotels. Either way, the common factor is piss-poor media / comms skills. Hasn't he had training in this?

Every time TV or the papers touch on an area you know a bit about, you can see how careless, slapdash an ignorant the coverage is. But I'm sure it's grand the rest of the time.

To be fair, Bruce, you can probably afford to take the L on this one.

These morons moved to Spain because there were "too many foreigners in the UK".

I wish more politicians understood how the economy is rigged against regular people the way Bill Burr does.

I see this timeline's version of Skynet is unusually patient, not going straight for instant nuclear annihilation but aiming for a slow culling humanity one idiot at a time, starting with the low-hanging fruit.

Me: "I think I'll stop playing #Cyberpunk2077 for a bit. All of the psychotic behaviour and Ripperdoc body horror is getting too much. I think I'll read the real-world news instead." The real-world news:

I saw this comment on a Scrabble discussion thread. Chances are I'd have completely missed the romantic clues as I headed down to the all-night convenience store to buy a dictionary and a highlighter pen.

Right, so I was asked to take a look at this headline and as you can imagine, there is a lot wrong with it! 🙄 This was initially published in @thetimes and then picked up by the usual GB News, DM, Telegraph etc Let’s take a look….👀 🧵 1/26 (1/1)

Some quality fashion / dog puns for your Saturday afternoon.

(1/2) Playing back @mrjamesob.bsky.social's Friday show on @globalplayer.com and the audio glitches at 1:19:17 during an EE ad, crashing the whole audio subsystem on my iPhone11 / iOS18.5. Had similar once before with a Tesco ad, but that only crashed the Global app. The web-based player has a…

It's amazing how prescient the movie #WarGames was with some of its possible nuclear war strategies.

Jesus wept, Bob, you can see the actual germs under a fucking microscope. You can literally watch them infecting cells on a molecular level. Where are the comparable results from your miasmometer, Bob? #Idiocracy