If you're at the airport and Kristi Noem is doing the ominous little message from the TSA screens, you no longer have to do anything she says. Leave your laptop in the case, whatever.

Fellas: Is it gay to have sex with a woman?

quiet, piggy

The follow-up post is the best part.

Me: what’s the most effective and simple move in a fight BONG JOON HO, LOUDLY: gotta be the two foot drop kick out of nowhere

The entire Republican Party has amnesia that started when Trump won his second term.

If the right *truly* believed Charlie Kirk was a defender of free speech and someone who was fine with dissenting opinions, they wouldn't be engaged in a massive campaign to punish anyone who didn't "mourn him properly." They clearly know all of that is bullshit. Only the media was conned.

democracy dies in darkness was really more of a mission statement

[writing the constitution] Benjamin Franklin: Write down "no dumb fucks as president" Alexander Hamilton: Stop saying that Benjamin Franklin: I'm tellin' you. You're gonna regret not writing that down

Sex trafficker and perjurer exonerates sex predator and fraudster

MAGA was never furious about the whole Pizzagate thing for moral reasons. They were just pissed that they believed there was this place that existed that you could order up a young boy to fuck and nobody told THEM about it.

This is FAR gayer than any rainbow flag I have ever seen.

why is the president the only person testing the limits of his power? everyone should see what they can get away with. what if zookeepers gave helicopters to gorillas? nobody has tried this

the fact that people were told “today you are going to an elementary school to lie to teachers and kidnap kids” and didn’t immediately tell their bosses to go fuck themselves is all you need to know about why ICE should be dismantled

37% of the country are firm believers in the “guilty until proven innocent….and we don’t want to give you that opportunity” way of doing things. Pretty depressing.

Yeah. This would totally be a better place if we had more racists and nazi scum here like on Twitter. Good take.

Another DEI champion!! God forbid they ever let a MAN win a women’s single’s title.

Back before GPS, we always made sure to kiss our loved ones before they drove off because there was a good chance they would become terribly lost and we would never see them again.

must be incredibly frustrating and disheartening to have federal funding that was promised to you for important work suddenly and arbitrarily ripped away

I wish them both the worst.

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

I’m in favor of Trump deporting one (1) very specific immigrant.

It’s probably bad that the future of America’s government pivots on a fight between Lex Luthor and the Joker

i don’t agree with trump in much but i do think we can unite on just the single issue of ruining elon musks life. nothing is more important than that

"They're breaking the law." "What law?" "You know, vibes and shit."

It’s hilarious that all you have to do to know that Elon Musk is back on his bullshit is to look at how Tesla’s stock is doing:

He can go fuck himself, actually.

GOP lunatics for two decades: George Soros is buying elections!! Put him in jail Elon: It was me. I bought the election. The only way we could have won.

Which, of course, means the Browns are in deep s**t.

I wish I loved anything as much as Republicans loved taking horse medicine

Kidneys gon shoot out his back like rocket grapes

Their father, Mitch McConnell, has a lot to be proud of

Damn I wish I could throw like a girl…..

Inside The NBA is the best sports show that has ever existed and i am sad that it’s over but so very thankful that it existed

Someone was cutting onions during the closing segment of NBA on TNT.

I have been logged out of my toothbrush.

Oops I accidentally believed history was a straight line and not a pendulum

“My wife left me”

If you’re dumb enough to take Trump at his word you deserve to get fucked over by him.

“Your honor, my client is a delicate, soft little bitch. Just incredibly thin-skinned” is one hell of an argument.

Ah yes, as guaranteed in the First Amendment, Americans may enjoy free speech as long as it’s in sync with what the administration is trying to accomplish

We’re only a few years away from replacing all water with Brawndo energy drink.

whoever did the advance work for this Kash Patel interview is about to find themselves with a one-way ticket to Guantanamo