you know you're cooked when security researchers start memeing about your app

Someone sent me this.

This rules

Anyway the funniest intentionally funny tweet of all time is "it's got anxiety"

So many bangers in the thread. I don't think I know this Denise one. A forgotten one that nobody seems to have preserved is the "y'all don't know loyalty" one about Goku

Barrett asks the SG if that argument would apply the same to children born to people illegally trafficked into the United States against their will today, and he basically says no (without any clear reason why not, given his previous comments on enslaved people).

I don't even understand why ppl ever talked about Chuck Norris jokes in a world where Joe Mazzula exists

when it's your last day of work, whether by your choice or theirs

It was very clearly a lie from the start but the current admin just keeps screaming: IT WAS NEVER ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION

My contracts professor liked to talk about the lawyers letting the doctors out of the barn every morning and then gathering them in from the field back into their stalls every night. He was talking about med mal, not this (big "tort reform" guy), and I'm not endorsing, but it's a funny image

An underrated addendum to the Bowling Alone story is that North America's largest bowling operator (Bowlero) is a publicly traded company whose business model involves buying mom and pop alleys, shutting down the leagues, and trying to attract casual, higher paying, one-off players.

it's so beautiful. it's like what Dracula drives in a cyberpunk movie

they’re all from me

It's not important how I discovered this, but the first Wikipedia entry for "sexual intercourse" was written a few hours after the World Trade towers collapsed. en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?...

They should call Coronado South Padres Island

your grandparents voting for reagan

jesus christ man you're supposed to at least pretend the subject of your profile didn't write the lede himself

has the flight of the pitched baseball through the video insert ad behind home plate been really distracting this year? like it gets discolored and/or pixellated. did i just not watch enough baseball the last few years and forgot that this is what it looks like?

I MADE THIS IN DECEMBER. I'M YELLING. I FUCKING CALLED IT LMAOOOOO

I love traveling to a city for 48 hours because then I become an expert on all issues and matters of culture relating to that place for life

Ok step one is to make them look less delicious

The Shane Baz extension has forced me to reckon with the realization that every player in baseball history is within six degrees of having been traded for Chris Archer

I have never seen a second chance urinal before

Me, five seconds before Jhoan Duran's entrance live in Minneapolis a couple years ago: ugh, I am not looking forward to this nonsense Me, 20 seconds later: THIS IS THE BEST SHIT I'VE EVER BEEN PART OF

There was a brief period of time when I got to spend some time with a variety of pro musicians and I vividly remember once getting to sit back and watch three of them, two of whom are horn players themselves, be absolutely rapturous in their praise of Tate. What a gift to have her playing Diaz on

Come for the protest. Stay for that insanely perfect truck

The only reason BlueSky even exists is that it's essentially Twitter methadone.

lmaooooooo said the biggest socia media addict of all time

new panopticon! stereogum.com/2493819/pano...

this story feels defining about azusa's whole vibe www.latimes.com/california/s...

Uncrustables are dumplings. The American empanada.

WAR DON'T SEX CRIMES HIDE CRIMES

Tony Vitello could lead the Giants to the world series this year and I'm still gonna find myself calling him "Joe" all damn year. And yes I know that was Vitiello, not Vitello. My guy remembering is a lot stronger than my new guy memory formation

that's very funny, kim novak

CENTCOM told me Iran keeps hitting their high-value assets so I asked how many they have and they said they just go to the Pentagon and get new ones afterwards so I said it sounds like they're just feeding high-value assets to the Iranians and then INDOPACOM started crying

the way we SCREAMED when we looked up and saw this and SCRAMBLED for our phones 😭

If somebody today were to cover a song exactly as old as Roberta Flack's "Killing Me Softly" was when Lauryn Hill covered it, they could try any of these: "Hey Ya" by Outkast "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce "In Da Club" by 50 Cent "Milkshake" by Kelis "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence

This is a good subhed.

disappointed to be stuck inside battling the end of a nasty cold so here's a hoarse "no kings" to join in with those of you out there. it is a preposterously beautiful day out too

when all your friends are going to the No Kings rally but you’re the King of Queens

(Godzilla attacks Pittsburgh on the wall-mounted TV in The Pitt waiting room) DANA(looking through the plexiglass): Pinehaven closed last year, so that's all coming straight to us. DR. ROBBY: (grimacing, looking down for a moment, rubbing his fist against the back of his neck) Jesus.

I think Julio Franco probably

[David Attenborough voice] As the wild pancake warms itself in the morning sun, it is completely unaware that a human adolescent will eat it on a dare.

the tigers broadcast team is really dan, dan, and daniella?

Remember when Eminem didn’t know there was nudity on the internet and when he was informed said “Maybe I should go on the internet”

How to get disowned by your family. Available on Amazon for $13.94.