Ashamed Meta Employee Just Tells Everyone He Works As Guard In Private Prison For Disabled Children https://theonion.com/ashamed-meta-employee-just-tells-everyone-he-works-as-g-1851012454/

and i'll be honest: i love it when transit improvements inconvenience freeway users even more

It is International Bat Appreciation Day. Please take some time to appreciate a bat

do you think they named carpentry after carpenter ants or was it just a coincidence

some of you on here

whenever people assume I am excited about a movie or show based on something I loved when I was 8 I just think about how weird it would’ve been if my dad got all pumped up about a Howdy Doody movie in 1986

less work

we need to start suspending thousands upon thousands of miles of catenary at 30,000 feet

Incredible sequel. Edge of my seat!

they should let nathan make as many seasons of the rehearsal as he wants and once he’s done he should immediately be sent to prison

the thing about being staunchly anti gambling is that it will always put you on the right side of history

alkaseltzer is arabic for the kaseltzer

Posts Over 30 Times A Day On Average (affectionate) vs. Posts Over 30 Times A Day On Average (derogatory)

congrats to hungary on successfully electing 99.98% hitler

(watching baseball) the bug keeps the score

"If you were in charge of Star Trek what would you do?" The Pitt but in space. Highly serialized, 15-episode season about a spaceship getting in serious trouble and having to claw its way out. Ship gets more busted every episode. Think Year of Hell but if they actually did it.

you know how stabbing someone with an ice knife is the perfect crime. well if you lived inside earths core then stabbing someone with a regular knife would be a perfect crime

being a hater is something so sacred

you simply cannot design your transit wayfinding around not confusing tourists and sports fans. they are undefeatably confusable

to me the pitt is a love letter to new york city – a town it lovingly accepts, warts and all. in a sense, new york is almost the show's main character

time to rate some more amounts of money $414,910: that's a whole bunch of money where i come from $50: nice and neat. i love it! $1.06: no offense, but this isn't very much money $1000: don't bullshit me $1002.17: yeah, that's what i thought $614.05: solid $0: hey, wait a minute! $18.93: bad salad

I'm yelling. I love the Disrespect Contraption

ok so like. what the fuck is going on

The fact we’re getting images of the moon from orbit around it taken by human beings while we’re all waiting around to see how many millions of people our mad king murders in a pique of rage really kind of drives home why I’ve felt so insane watching Artemis coverage lol

i will vote for any democrat who takes a very particular action

we are standing on unceded amerikkkan soil

maybe it will happen today

kinda feels like most-to-all of the web is now oriented toward serving (and creating) the type of people who got lmgtfy'd constantly

A SKARSGARD: john wick gives my nightmares nightmares. he is the baba yaga. I shit in my pants to even say his name [his desk phone rings] GOON: john wick is here A SKARSGARD: kill him

one trillion dollars awaits the person who invents the crumpleable phone

me diying my old ass house 🤝 9 moldy old fascists in black robes puzzling over the framers' intent

every girl is bi. you just have to figure out whether it's sexual, polar, pedal, modal, national, axial, annual, carbonate, metallic, or bimbap

working in an office gives an awful lot of people small-dog-type behavioral problems

its funny how my friends will always be capable of feats of sublime self-reinvention and growth whether they know it or not but the portcullis of time slammed on every one of my horizons a mere ten seconds ago

patty cake is problematic because it encourages hustle culture from baker mans

Carter: Colonel! O'Neill (p90 pointed offscreen): come on, Daniel, what does it say? Daniel Jackson: well if Im reading this right, they worshipped a being named "Miette", who had the power to imprison you for... one thousand years... Teal'c: I believe it would be most unwise to awaken this "Miette"

It’s big ball chunky time

Bullshit Jobs is really two types of Gender: -jobs typically held by women are Bullshit Jobs -jobs that don't give me masculine fulfillment are Bullshit Jobs.

And here it is with spaces for text so you can use it as a meme template:

formal proposal of a replacement for the vince mcmahon meme format

been there brother

nvm the sun came out everything's fine life is beautiful

you call it Fool's Spring. i call it the new world struggling to be born. we are the same in the ways that matter